Spoken & Unspoken Exchange Agreements: Who is getting your energy and why?

Some exchange agreements are laid out clearly, and many others are assumed. Are you clear about who gets your energy & why?

Some exchange agreements are laid out clearly, and many others are assumed.

At the end of a love relationship a few years ago, after I had moved in with this man thinking it was a long term agreement, and then six months later he gave my child and I the boot, we were in a counseling session.

I was speaking about the agreements that we’d had, and the counselor said to me one of the most illuminating things I’d ever heard. He said, “Sarah, were these agreements stated or written, or did you assume them?”

In fact, I had assumed them. Based on his character as I’d known it to be and his invitation to build a life together. But I had assumed that that had meant certain things about the exchange agreements.

Now, I’m not still heartbroken about that in the least, but I was reminded of this while walking and talking with a friend this morning about EXCHANGE AGREEMENTS specifically between men and women.

And I would apply this to the workplace as well.

When I took a job on a leadership team in a startup, I got a massive raise from my previous charter school job. And then I would receive texts when I was putting my child to bed, or after ten PM. When I decided that I would not be answering these texts because they were invasive, I caused some disruption. Nowhere was it written in my contract that I was obligated to answer leadership team texts at 10pm if I was not on call. The unspoken expectation was that I would answer because I’d gotten a good gig. Then it was as if they thought they owned my energy. 

They did not own my energy. No one owns my energy but me, even when there is an exchange agreement in place.

For hundreds of generations, the exchange dynamics between men and women were very skewed. A woman couldn’t own land or even have her own last name, and her food and housing security depended on her husband or her father, and she had to keep them happy. So she made certain decisions about her body, who she permitted access to her body, how she gave her energy, and how she specifically did not exert her energy or risk being “too much” in order to preserve her access to resources for her and her children.

Women still carry the TENDENCY to get wrapped up in unspoken, unwritten exchange agreements with men and employers, because we’re subconsciously still wired to expend our energy in order to not piss off the man or authority figure that has control over our resources. If an employer decides whether or not you get a paycheck, and that paycheck feeds your kids, then you will do things like turn down your opinion or answer the text after hours in order to ensure your security. 

This happens at every tier of employment, and women who have climbed ladders to achieve more are not immune to this. 

And I’ll go on record right now and say that I believe that this is the root cause of burnout. How we use our energy based on what we perceive the unspoken exchange agreements to be is making women more tired, more depleted, and wondering how in the world their quest for leadership did not land them with a life of actual fulfillment. 

Where is your energy going? Why? What is actually contracted, or agreed upon, and what isn’t? How is this happening both at work and with your spouse? 

When that personal relationship ended, I couldn’t understand why this man wouldn’t have been happy. Because I had tried to keep him happy. He was, after all, inviting my son and I into his house. I’m not too proud to admit it. Of course not. How could I recommend that we take an honest look at these dynamics if I’m not willing to own it myself? 

I did, eventually, piss off the employer with the edge that I was walking. I was getting too big for my britches, asking for equity in too many ways, and this was the last job I had before becoming a women’s coach and masculine feminine polarity consultant. 

My friend and I this morning talked about the insidious nature of the unspoken exchange agreements between men and women, between money and sex. Who gets access to your energy? Why? Are you trying to keep them happy? Are you happy in this behavior and in your agreements? 

Because I’m here to tell you, you are the only one that decides who gets access to your energy, when, and why. Every day, you get to define and redefine your agreements. You get to ask for that. You get to stop the habitual self sacrifice right now. 

Now wouldn’t that just be the end to burn out right there? 

If you’d like to discuss personal coaching about taking back your energy from unspoken agreements that are depleting your life, contact me by setting up a consultation at www.SarahPoet.com/book.

The purpose of fear & how to get free.

If we look at it as if everything is happening for us rather than against us, that a purpose of fear is to direct you to your sovereignty.

I find fear to be a fascinating, tricky little bitch.

And I say that with respect to the role that fear plays in our lives. If life is a spectrum of emotions, all somewhere between love and fear, how often do you lean toward fear and how often do you lean toward radical love?

How often are you choosing one or the other, versus operating on a default?

I think if most people are honest, fear is the common default.

The fear of not having money causes people to slave away their waking hours to someone else’s cause.

The fear of not having love causes people to spend endless hours on dating sites or pining for that love that might one day grace their lives.

It’s wild, how much time and energy fear takes from you.

Recently, I learned more information about my upbringing that revealed some really grotesque truths to me. I grew up in a family with deep secrets that most everyone in the family still avoids or denies knowing. But in an effort to bring the truth to light, and to liberate my psyche from habitual trauma responses, I go digging for the truth where most would prefer to avoid it.

And even when I discover a truth that is fascinatingly fucked up, at this point, I’m actually grateful for it. Why? Because it helps me to feel less fear.

Did you ever notice how fear has a tendency to become pervasive? It’s nebulous. It sneaks into places you didn’t expect it to be. If one good thing happens for you, you might find yourself wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. This is fear, just lingering around you while you let it.

The purpose of fear is so that you have less power and autonomy – words that could be used to describe what I call Sovereignty. The purpose of fear is so that you spend your time worrying or giving your power to something other than your true purpose, distracting you from your own clarity.

Fear, truly, is not working for you. It’s working against you, unless you notice it and redirect your actions accordingly. Fear will cause you to live on an adrenal-response autopilot called fight/flight. It will hijack your nervous system and therefore your attention. All of these things are taking your life force and, again, stopping you from being who you came to be.

After finding out about another layer of horrific family secrecy that was used to control me as a child – with effects lasting in my subconscious well into adulthood – I was watching the mechanisms that had been put into play long ago. I was, to be clear, not in a fight/flight response about what I’d found out, but rather, I was observing it neutrally so that I could study the response patterns in my thoughts and body.

I became the watchful observer, to witness the cause/effect, and to change my behaviors accordingly. To get more power and sovereignty back.

What I found was that I was actually living, to some degree, from a fear-based energy due to a trauma response from long ago. I couldn’t see it before now, and then, by shining the light of day onto it, the patterns became clear.

And then it became relatively simple to see what to “do” about it.

First of all, don’t react. Don’t give the fear more fear.

Second, don’t turn away. See it, look at it, stare it down. Fear lives in the dark, so shine the light. (Light-shining podcast forthcoming.)

These two things together, simple in concept only when the nervous system has the capacity not to engage in the fear trigger, can neutralize a fear.

The purpose of fear is, honestly, to control you. Fear lives off of your energy while you spin in circles trying to outrun it. Fear that is the result of a trauma keeps you in a loop of victimhood, wherein your energy is perpetually wasted.

To get sovereign, we have to look at our fear patterns. We could say, I suppose, if we look at it as if everything is happening for us rather than against us, that a purpose of fear is to direct you to your sovereignty.

What are you afraid of?

Where are your fears running your behavior?

Where is fight/flight fueling your decision making about how to spend your time, energy, and attention?

Where are you checking out in your life in order to avoid feeling the fight/flight?

If you’re courageous enough to look at these answers, you can get in front of the fear. You can neutralize it. And in that way, the purpose of fear, when you get wise to it, can be to help you stand in the full power and truth of who you are.

Sarah Poet is a polarity integration expert with a knack for seeing the hidden shadows that result from this bizarro separation matrix we inhabit. To book a consultation for individual or couples coaching, or workplace gender reconciliation counseling, please visit www.sarahpoet.com/book.

Photo: Stock, pexels . com

“Birthing Upward” – Energy dynamics of the creative process are changing.

Feminine & Masculine energetics in new paradigm business will not be top-down, rather, bottom-up.

*Esoteric in nature, you can read this post as an “energy update” and ask yourself how it applies to your creativity, your masculine/feminine relationships, and organizational structure in new-paradigm businesses.*

This week, in my meditations and client sessions, there has been a theme and a common vision – that of “Birthing upward.” 


As I tune into this further, this seems to have to do with the way in which we are now optimally creating on the planet, having to do with feminine now leading the masculine. 


You can envision this by feeling into the following visuals. 


We are accustomed to “birthing downwards” on this planet. The masculine would impart the seed (of consciousness or creation) into the feminine. HE would do the giving (first), that would go into her (second), and then the formation of the creation (ex a human embryo, a business, or any other creation coming into form) would occur (third).


This view could be inherently patriarchal because there is a “top down” assumption. The masculine would impart the seed, wisdom, power, authority, etc, and it would go downward through the process. This is also the energetic of old system hierarchies itself, with an assumed top-down leader, usually male, who makes the decisions for the many and essentially determines the creation. As we know, sadly, this method of authoritative masculine actually stifles true creativity. This is why we are seeing a lot of organizational structures now giving teams time to collaborate on new creations – time to derive the idea and spend in the mess of creativity is actually a feminine energetic resurging.


Now, I will attempt to share with you what I am seeing with “birthing upward.” Please keep in mind that ultimately, masculine and feminine unify as One, and yet, there are some energetics that are actively restructuring as our planetary energies realign and re-harmonize. So I am not saying that “women are taking over” or that the “feminine will win” or anything absurd and polarized like that. But I am noticing a very big “counter” energetic occurring to the polarized world as it has existed, with the masculine initiating the creative process and the formation of the creations.


I see “birthing upward” not as the only way it is ever meant to be, but that this is a “shifting in polarity” so to speak as the earth is in the process of re-harmonizing. So this is likely taking place in the earth grid structure as well as in our human bodies, psyches, relationships, business formations, organizational restructuring, etc. 


Birthing upward does not start with the masculine, rather, it starts with the womb. The womb of creation is the infinite space into which the masculine seed of consciousness can be magnetized. We have been preparing Her to actually become the leading energetic source of what will now be created. 

Many of us women have been doing a lot of clearing of trauma, dense energy, miasma, patriarchal exchange energetics, and womb hijackings. The feminine has been energetically advancing its sovereignty, in women’s bodies and in the earth grid. The womb energy of the collective is seemingly more clear than it has been in many thousands of years – potentially enough to cause this polarity shift, it would seem.


In a session with two men, a generation younger than myself, who are envisioning a collective and collaborative new business structure that is focused on community, I was intuitively guided to share with them this concept of “birthing upward.” I was also guided (as in, I was channeling & communicating from their soul business creation information to them) to have them tune into the “womb space” on their body first. They were pointed toward acknowledging the presence and intelligence of this energetic center in their own male bodies. This would be required for their new leadership.


There was to be no “top down” leadership, though healthy masculine structure and consciousness were welcome and necessary. But hierarchical power structures were old paradigm and unwelcome, which these young men already realize, but their questions for the session were about what the new structures for organizational development look and feel like. Leadership in a new paradigm of business is an interesting inquiry. Do we let it go and have just shared leadership? Do we not have leaders? Was masculine leadership always wrong?

I think the answer to all of those questions is “no.” Masculine clarity and decision making is necessary for running effective businesses, regardless of the gender expressing it. We also don’t need men to fear their own leadership – and we need more men to be very comfortable in their expressed masculinity and we should never shame men for their attempts at leadership (rather hone the intelligence of it). However, as these young men are realizing, we will be restructuring organizational teams and redefining leadership in the near future to meet the needs of the people and planet – and what I am seeing is that these new ways of “birthing upward” will also be more profitable.


I was guided to share with them that the “fertile soil” of building from the ground up, which included engaging, optimizing, and celebrating the enthusiasm of all participants in the formation of what the leadership would build would be the “birthing upward” approach for the success of their business formation. 


Widening the vision again now with etheric metaphor, the womb of all creation is the fertile ground, no longer into which we will plant the seeds, but now, the fertile ground of the cosmic womb of creation (the feminine) will determine which consciousness to attract to it (the seed), thereby activating the birth of certain (new) creations. 


The womb is now attracting the seed of its own choosing with a certain magnetism. The cosmic womb (deep, eternal feminine) is now calling to it the light of consciousness (deep, eternal masculine.) From there, and this is the most significant part, the structure is forming. The feminine is magnetizing the consciousness that will lead to new structures. The feminine is attracting the consciousness of its choosing.

The collective will attract its new leaders. The people will determine our next direction. The womb will attract the consciousness – this is “birthing upwards.”


Any person who is able to read and follow this does not see this as a “women flipping the power script” feminist agenda, rather, the delicate and powerful shift in polarity and honestly, an energetic directive, coming from the Holy Mother, and the Holy Father is ready and welcome to participate. The recalibration is in effect. 

If you are starting a new business based on a “soul calling” and would like to do a channeled session with the business entity itself, if you are looking at how to redesign leadership structures in your organization to make it more inclusive, or if you just feel the intuitive nudge – schedule a consultation with me at www.sarahpoet.com/book.

The feminine in you holds your deepest wisdom.

The feminine has been something that we seek to reclaim – something that we seek to bring into “equal balance” with the masculine. 

It is as though the feminine was always the underdog, or made to be the underdog, fighting her way back. 

In a world of masculine/feminine archetypal imbalance, the feminine was secondary. 

The feminine has been something that we seek to reclaim – something that we seek to bring into “equal balance” with the masculine. 

It is as though the feminine was always the underdog, or made to be the underdog, fighting her way back. 

Always trying to prove herself, and prove her worth. 

When I talk to modern women on a personal journey of feminine / masculine reclamation, most often, their feminine re-discovery is something they are “fitting in” at the end of the day, or on weekends. They are unsure how to actually integrate it fully into their lives. 

Many women – maybe you – have a “hunch” that there is more, or that you have special gifts inside of you that are waiting to emerge. (You do, no doubt.) 

But how long are you going to hold that as a “hunch” and not act on it? How long are YOU going to push the feminine to the side while you continue to over-rely on your inner masculine? 

I’ve said it before, but the feminine isn’t “cute.” She isn’t optional. And she isn’t secondary, just because patriarchy positioned the greatest power play this planet has ever known. 
But here’s the point of today’s email: The feminine, reclaimed, is the greatest thing that will ever happen to your life.

In it contains your true wisdom, your magical gifts, your mystical sight. It contains your capacity to love (men) without the trauma of past relationships plaguing you – your heart finally open wide. 

It allows you to lead with your body wisdom, unlocking pleasure potential, aligning to the truth of your own soul that it feels f*cking good to be alive.

The feminine has been repressed for thousands of years. It is awakening within you and me – in each of us – and INSIDE OF US contains the true depth of wisdom that isn’t written in books or taught in schools. You can’t get certifications for actually turning on your own innate wisdom.

The feminine = Sophianic Wisdom. And she wants to come alive through you.

I have helped women on the other side of the world become pregnant after an infertility journey. No one but my own soul taught me how to do that, but only after I fully opened to letting HER, the feminine, fully flow through me. 

I have helped women who had been abused leave their partnerships and stand in energetic and financial sovereignty. I have helped women trust their inner knowing, sight, and intuition, and watched as their gifts as a mystic, healer, or seer came online. 
I have built my entire business based on my soul’s hunch, my relationship with the feminine, and yes, my deep re-unification of both masculine and feminine archetypes. I CREATED MY OWN TEMPLATE. And I could not have done this if I’d left Her behind. 

We are remembering our truest gifts. 

We are activating our gifts – the true gifts of the feminine – by prioritizing HER. 

We are bringing an ancient and new wisdom to the planet, now, when the planet needs new solutions. 


I believe those solutions lie in the feminine wisdom, inside of you. 
Unlock her, free her, know her, release her. 

We don’t want to “rebalance” the archetypes. We want to LIVE OUT their fullest expression. 

Let her teach you. Let her live through you. 
ACTIVATE YOUR GIFTS THROUGH PRIVATE MENTORSHIP 

The days of the guru are over.

Sovereignty is the way of the future. We choose our next teacher or guide through felt-resonance and soul-guidance. Trust yourself.

“I don’t want to give my power away to a ‘teacher’ or ‘coach’ anymore.” 

“I don’t know if I need to take other people’s offerings anymore, because I have a lot of my own gifts.” 

We are in a time of massive transition. The time of giving away our power to ANYONE is OVER. 

These times are for SOVEREIGNTY. 

But I know that this can be confusing, and for me too. Because we want to be sovereign in our energy, not giving ourselves away anymore, and yet, we also want human connection. We want to learn and grow with one another. 

We are moving into a paradigm of deep connectedness where each person is sovereign. 

I don’t have this all figured out yet, but I’ll share a few of my ethics with you. 

  • When women step into a space I hold or offering such as Heartland, each woman is sovereign. 
  • I never “manipulate” or “heal” another’s energy. I (the ego “I”) don’t heal you, but the space I hold does. We open sacred, sovereign space in the Unified Field and set the intentions that the highest healing miracles take place, and from this space, each woman’s own Soul further connects with her body. While we do it together, each woman’s process is her own. I will not deny that it is extremely powerful, but I admit that humbly. 

  • Each of us does have something to offer, and I am offering you a deep transmission that I have lived. I see it as Heartland “came to me.” It was given to me, and it tells me when to share it. Therefore, it is a soul activation – for each of us in our own way. This is why I’ve been saying “You will feel it.” That is your own soul literally calling you. We need to learn to trust our own souls and I’m here to encourage that. 

  • I started working as a teacher at age 22. I thought that I had to have all the answers for kids that were just a few years younger than me. Through a career in education and a deep soul journey with this thing I steward called a business, Embodied Breath, I know that the old model that sees the student as inferior and the teacher as the only expert is a completely false narrative. (I have way more to say on that.) 

  • I do know that when we have lived through things and also studied them, that some of us do become teachers and space holders and that is okay and good. It is our responsibility to interact with each client or person that comes into that space in a completely sovereign way and with integrity. If you feel your power is being taken, then the teacher doesn’t understand this (or you are projecting onto that teacher.) 

  • In the new paradigm, we trust resonance. Some teachers will be our teachers for a few months, others a few years, others a few minutes. You must trust the resonance that you yourself feel and ask, “What’s here for me?” When you make a decision about what “should” be right for you when there is not resonance, you often actually take yourself off track. (Common example – hiring a “6 figure coach!!” and then realizing that wasn’t your soul that did that.) Wink. 

  • I personally step into other peoples’ healing space and containers when I feel that their particular medicine is what I need at that moment. I don’t know exactly what will happen in the space, but I move with the resonance. I also know that I trust me and my process, and Source, first. Therefore ONLY the highest and best will come out of the sessions, no matter what the other person does. I am activating my own soul by stepping into their spaces. 

  • Ethics re: value exchange – phew, there’s a lot to this one. What I can tell you is that I have soul searched around this topic and continue to do so so that my value exchanges are in the highest integrity that I have in any given moment. If I were independently wealthy and didn’t need income, would I offer my transmissions for free? Probably. But my soul didn’t choose that path. It chose one where I am this kind of soul searcher turned teacher and I do make my living in this way. So again, my aim is integrity. 

  • I don’t want to be your guru. I don’t want to have a guru. I want us all to have our SOVEREIGN GOD-SOURCE CONNECTION and my work serves THAT intention. In fact, Heartland is completely about returning to your own Source Connection and rebuilding your architectural light body so that you are more energetically sovereign and inherently prosperous. 

  • We need each other. WE NEED EACH OTHER. We don’t have to be so fiercely independent and have it all together such that we don’t need one anothers’ magic. We move together and weave and step up with our wisdom at times and at others times we receive others’ wisdom, and this is non-threatening and beautiful. 

So those are some thoughts. You are not losing yourself in Heartland, my dear one. You are gaining more of YOU. 

In love, 
​​​​​​​Sarah Poet 

HEARTLAND 2022 begins 4/28/22. Join today if it is in resonance with you.

Opening the Heart

When there has been trauma in the body, what does it look like to begin to truly trust the opening and guidance of the heart?

We have so many reasons to close. To protect our hearts. It’s tragic, really, all the excuses we could have for self protection. 

I’ve had plenty. 

And I’m happy to say, they are being challenged at the next level as I’m being invited to open in places that I maybe didn’t know I was closed. 

I recently found myself in a situation with a man where I did not expect there to be attraction. We’d gotten together as friends and colleagues and then, on this particular day, as he said later, as I’d opened the door and he found me to be “radiant.” 

Radiant. What an “open” expression. I am quite sure that that is the first time a man has ever called me radiant, which is such a beautiful compliment. More than a compliment, it’s an affirmation that as I have been doing the good work of tending to this feminine essence, it is reflecting outward. 

The thing was, however, I felt quite tired on that particular day. I’d had a really deep session with a practitioner the day before, and perhaps I’d describe myself as tender. I wasn’t sad or armored or anything like that. I was just integrating some information that was making me a little tender. So perhaps I was even more unguarded than usual. 

I’ve done a lot of work on my body and the traumas it had endured, and I’ve done a lot of work on my heart to unguard it. I think the feminine heart could be at any given point tender, or elated, or somehow otherwise feeling deeply. If we’re not guarding our hearts, then it will be feeling something, because that’s what it does. 

And so I’ve been contemplating this thing of opening. There’s always the interesting thing we do as humans where we ask, “What am I opening to?” and then we decide if we can open to meet that external thing – whether it be an offer, an agreement, a man’s invitation, etc. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I immediately noticed that the external situation was not my first reference point. For decades in my life it had been. “What is the man doing? What is the man feeling? What is the man offering and am I open to it?” But this was entirely different. 

My reference point was entirely internal. I was pacing with my nervous system. “Is my body opening toward this idea, or closing?” Did I feel the familiar old closure of guardedness, and if so, what did the body need? I was tracking my opening and closing. Anyone with previous trauma related to men knows what I’m talking about – the familiar guards come up as we feel things out. There were plenty of times in the past when my body gave me “Closure! Constriction! Do not proceed!” warning signs that I did not head, which lead to more of my own depletion later. I was noticing this time that it was just natural to stay attuned to myself first – I was going to follow my body’s lead. 

“No moving forward, on any given day, without openness in the body.” 

That’s progress. For any woman. High fives all around when we’re listening to the body. 

However. 

I realized something major. When I was tracking my body’s contraction or expansion, I was essentially tracking the nervous system. I was tracking whether or not the nervous system felt safety or fear. And in doing so, I was not attuning to whether or not my heart was opening and what my heart’s truth was. 

This is really important, because given the way trauma works, we could be experiencing somatic symptoms of a past trauma in a very safe present-day situation. And if we’re only attuning to that and forgetting the heart, then we’ll make it about the past, the trauma, and the nervous system. The attunement to the body is amazing, but then, there is the next-level attunement to the heart.

Beyond previous experiences of depletion or hurt, beyond how the body holds trauma patterns of constriction, there was a new invitation to notice and expand into. “Does the heart want to open? Is the heart opening?” 

I’ve been traveling with the real-life sequence of the teachings I call Heartland now for over a year, but when I felt Spirit nudge me in February to open them back up in in April, I was immediately inside of a next-level learning about the heart. I was back inside the “initiation” of learning these deep transformations to leave more and more layers of feminine depletion, guardedness, and old story behind, and to come into feminine replenishment, the heart, and the experience of the spark of creation. 

In Heartland, we journey to a place of prosperity in the Heart. Not just money and wealth, but true, soul-aligned, heart-opening, blissful, no longer afraid, understanding the creation energy of the cosmos HEART. 

There are eight areas of the Heartland teachings, like a sequence. I had told this man, when sharing about Heartland, that I felt that I was somehow in stage seven of eight. I had conceptualized what stage eight might look like, but was still stretching into it as a woman. Well, you can’t stretch into the Heart of the Heartland until you’re really, truly, willing to move beyond the stories of depletion, fear, the times things were taken from you in the past… the traumas we’ve held in the body, and all the reasons to close the heart. 

And then I saw myself doing it – tracking the sensations of the familiar fear responses in my body (which again, it is really important not to override those sensations) instead of tracking the radiance of my own heart. 

And I think that’s a big part of the leap. Tracking expansion just as much as we’re tracking constriction. Tracking the heart just as much as we’re tracking the nervous system. 

I am not the woman that previously attracted men who were willing to take my life force energy from me. But sometimes something in me forgets and still thinks that I am her, and then my nervous system has a closure response. 

I am instead the woman who has worked on the radiance and prosperity of my own heart. I am the woman who has honored the journey of this body and soul. I am the woman who will decide how to proceed, and I am the woman who is choosing to stand now fully in the New. And the New is the land of the Heart. The place of internal and eternal prosperity. The place beyond taking, where we remember the stories of depletion as a distant memory we have overcome, but where now, we radiate. We shine. We shine our diamond, crystalline hearts, and as we are, good men like this one will not help but to be magnetized and awed by it, and because we are ready, the feminine can now open even deeper. 

First open the body, as the body is ready. Then, open the heart. This is the place where the cosmos will join you in the dance of creation. This is the true Heartland, accessible beyond separation, closure, and fear. This is the place your soul deserves to reside.

Chapter 1: Heartland

The following is a draft first chapter of a book about women reclaiming our feminine resources. I call this the journey to the “Heartland.”

I was living in a man’s house, packing up my belongings after living there for less than a year. I’d moved my child, two cats, and everything I owned to this property per an invitation to “make a life together,” and here it was, the winter holidays, and he was in Ohio with his mother escaping the situation that was going down in his 920 square foot house. Which was: me, boxes everywhere, and everything he didn’t want to face.

I had actually paid him rent. 

He invited us to live with him, but he had wanted some rent. I paid it because he wasn’t rich, we were both entrepreneurs, and I didn’t mind contributing. I will never again move into a man’s house and pay rent. But there were a lot of things we potentially should have made clearer agreements on to prior to making the decision to move in together. 

Live and learn – isn’t that the name of the game? 

I had sent him an email that asked for the last rent back, since I wouldn’t be staying, to reallocate to the moving costs. I think it had actually been his suggestion, and I was following up on it. 

I sat down, at dusk, surrounded by piles of boxes at the kitchen table (my barn wood table that I’d now be moving back to storage), just moments before I had to host an online women’s group, and opened his reply email which said, “I will assess how you’ve left the place, after you’ve moved out, and if it is in a condition that I approve of, I will refund you your money. I will be assessing the house, the barn, and my wood pile.” 

“His wood pile?” I thought.  

Why the wood pile? Why would I ever touch the wood pile? The wood was his to use when he lit the wood stove in the barn, which I never did. Why would he even think to “assess” me on the condition of his wood pile before he gave me back the money that he’d already agreed to give me? These new conditions didn’t even make sense. 

And, it angered me, because I had never once disrespected the property or the house. He had invited us to make a home, and I had treated it as such. I was not at all the kind of person to take vengeance on his property. Why did he all of a sudden assume this? 

I couldn’t even begin to imagine how he had managed to rationalize whether or not I would get the money he’d already said he’d reimburse me, now conditionally based on the quality of his wood pile. Of all things!  

I was so tired of being assessed. He had asked me and my child to move in with him, to “make a life with him,” just months prior. It was six months from our move in date to his “never mind” date. A man who had never lived with a woman, let alone her child and two cats. A man who had seemed like a sure thing, like a safe bet. He volunteered with teen boys’ groups, he woke up early to pray every morning, he had even prayed when he made love to me and miracles happened (which was essentially the reason I had said yes – it was like God was there between us). He felt like a safe bet because he’d seemed innocent and good hearted, and I was trying to ensure that this kind of shit would never happen again. Because I’d seen it all before. 

Going after the girl, getting the girl, wanting the girl to reflect your manhood to you, and the “never mind” moment when they saw themselves in me (Oh, I’m not actually the man I promised you I was), and then, it is amazing how men will blame a woman for that moment of felt-inadequacy. I’d fallen for the man many times who wanted to be “that guy,” and then realized he actually wasn’t, but it’s easier to dismiss the woman than to be the man who actually looks at his shit. 

Not all men. I’m not a man hater. But I know this pattern really, really well. There seemed to be a tangle when I got involved with men – where my resources would somehow be threatened. I had been an entrepreneur for three years at that point, and this was the second relationship that I’d involved myself with that ended up making my life much harder rather than easier or more pleasurable. This was the second relationship in three years that ended up costing me a lot of money rather than resulting in me having more time and energy for my business and family. And, these relationships, not surprisingly, in the end looked and felt a lot like my relationship to my father. I’d seen this pattern with a previous boss and with prior partners too. It seemed to be everywhere and I was somehow late to truly waking up to it, even though I analyzed masculine and feminine all the time. 

There was always the really good beginning, and then the really surprising ending. There was wanting to believe the man, and then the dark shadow of the man revealed something much different. And I was the common denominator. I was somehow getting myself into a revolving pattern. And I was determined to figure it out and put a stop to it for absolute good. 

I was depleted. 

I was having to find energy where I didn’t know if I had any left. 

I had cried with my forehead to the soil on this sacred, sacred piece of property, asking “Why?” 

I had even allowed myself to get to the point where I was sending this goner an email saying, “Hey, can I get that money back please to pay other men to move my things for the second time this year?” 

You could say I was at a breaking point. But not a mental-break, the kind of breaking point where you say “no more” about a pattern in your life, and you fucking mean it. 

The wood pile comment, and his promise to assess me based on his bizarro parameters, and decide whether or not I would have access to the resources that he’d already volunteered to reimburse me for my move, was the last straw. 

I was a grown woman, a mother, who had made a home in his home per his invitation. There was no part of me that would want to harm anything here. I had a deep connection with the land, and experienced deep and corresponding spiritual realizations and awakenings in relationship to this sacred place. I was having a harder time leaving the land than I was leaving him. Him, I was done with. He could drop me and my child when the honeymoon period wore off, and this lack of allegiance, again, I’d seen before so I wasn’t even that emotional about it. Fine. I’d put my eggs in the wrong basket. Now I had to pack up my entire life of belongings, give away the new trampoline and basketball hoop I’d bought for my son, be unsure for months what exact next move I would make – and all of that felt more like a pain in the ass than something that victimized me. Before, I would have fretted and felt like a victim, but not this time. 

This time, it was just a pattern. This time, it was just the end. Here was this pattern, showing up with this man, who, I was sure months earlier would never have dreamed of or approved of the sort of behavior he was now demonstrating. He was a stranger now. 

It was like a dark, trickster bug got into these men, these men who had loved me and laid with me, who wanted to see themselves as my partner and as a parental figure and masculine influence for my son, and then would get to a point where they literally did not care about my wellbeing. They did not care. At one point he had said (in a text because he never even had a conversation to my face), “I don’t care where you go. Just get out. And don’t pull that single-mom card with me.”  They always turned on you. Starting with my father. The dark got into them and they would turn into something unrecognizable. 

And, there was always an element of control. “If you behave to my liking, I’ll reimburse the money you’d given me. But it’s based on my assessment. And the state of my wood pile.” Control, control, control. 

Which is when I snapped. 

Snapped in the best possible way. 

Snapped in the way a woman who has been trying to be good finally breaks free of the bondage of contortion. Snapped like that lead character in Fried Green Tomatoes as she screams “TOWANDA!” as she smashes the young guy’s car because she’s tired of being a doormat. Snapped like I was going to get that reoccurring dark trickster bug out of my fucking life if it was the last thing I did. 

I had to stand up to it. If I didn’t, it would never go away, and it had hunted me down so many times, and I didn’t have the resources to keep losing. This was the end. This trickster who took without replenishing, who would cause a man to watch my demise and detach from his heart. This trickster that would withhold resources, time and again, just like my father had, until he approved of my behavior. 

I knew that trickster inside my father, inside previous partners. I had known this energy my entire life. It used to scare me, but not any more.  Now, I was going to get it the fuck OUT of my life. 

“The wood pile? You’re going to assess me on the condition of the wood pile?” Game on, fucker. 

The heat rose in me, fueled by an eruption of previously-suppressed, primal emotion. I was clear headed, decisive – I wasn’t crazy. My movements became bigger. I became bigger. 

I looked at the clock and gauged that I had about eighteen minutes before I had to host my call. I found a headlamp and shoved it over my messy hair to see in the dark. I put on the old garden gloves I’d almost pitched while packing the day before. And I put on my winter coat, though I would be sweating by the time I was done. 

I found my way in the dark to the wood pile. 

THE wood pile. 

I knew the one he was referring to. Some of it had been chopped, and some of it was still in large, round pieces. And I carried each piece of that fucking wood pile through the yard, to the nearby cliff. And then I heaved each piece, one by one, over the edge. Towanda. 

“Assess me on the fucking wood pile!” HEAVE! 

“Go right ahead!” GUH!

“Hold my resources over my head and look what happens!” THROW! 

“A few hundred dollars? Really? You want to control me based on a few hundred dollars?” HUH! 

“Best money I have EVER spent!” GAHHHH! 

I’m sure the neighbors heard me. I no longer cared about impressions.  

Fifteen minutes. Ten. I had time. I’d be there. And I’d share my choice – this conscious and wild choice – with them, unashamed. The call was, after all, about women taking our power back through a process I call Sacred Remembering. I teach energy sovereignty. I have been doing the work of actively reclaiming my energy from trickster energies and outdated paradigms, but I’d be damned that I had let myself get into another situation of feminine depletion. 

No. More. 

It was exhilarating. I was standing up to this fucking trickster that had haunted me my entire life, I would no longer, not ever again, be controlled by it. The trickster that for my entire life would seek to control me with one thread of direct threat to my resources and then another. Through various men. Always a similar story. 

A destroyer presence. A taker of my energy. A power-player over my resources. But it was getting weaker, clearly, because it was grasping for a few hundred dollars and controlling me over what, a wood pile? It was certainly losing it’s power. And I would ensure that this would be it’s last grab as far as I was EVER concerned. 

I had felt it’s presence forever. The way it lived in men, in people in positions of power, in patriarchy itself. 

The threat that was immanent in so many ways – behave, or lose. Conform, or lose. Obey, or lose. Listen to me, or lose. 

“NO MORE!” 

HEAVE! 

NO MORE. 

Period. 

It was done when I threw the last, giant second of log over the edge. 

No more. 

I felt the trickster’s power die in that moment. 

I’d been fighting this thing for so long, and I had sworn that before I left this place, I would figure this out. I had actually said that to him, when he said one day in October that he was done. I said, “Well, you can wait a damn minute until I figure things out.” And I also said, “I’ll go when the land tells me it’s time to go.” 

The land and I weren’t finished yet. And I wasn’t leaving a victim. Not this time. 

I would figure out why I could be loved by men and then just as easily depleted and discarded. I was somehow attracting and allowing it, yes. And, that trickster entity was not inside of that man when we started. It was like he was infiltrated and then began acting against me. I believe he was. It’s the dark arts of the Destroyer. Sending it’s dark forces into men when women get too big for their britches. These poor men don’t even see it coming, this ego-identification that makes them a pawn to destroy the feminine. 

“Fuck her and her resources,” they say. 

I had finally stood up to all the ways I had been taken advantage of, all the ways that my resources had been threatened in my life by a man invaded with the trickster. 

And I was done. 

I was sweating and panting. I was dirty and unpresentable. I was a wild woman. And I went in, sat down at the table, surrounded by boxes, and told the women what had just happened. 

Because I wasn’t ashamed. I had just taken my power back. 

Best money I had ever spent. 

In the end, in the email he sent me with his arbitrary tally and justification of what he was reimbursing and why, he only deducted $50 for the wood pile. (Wink.) 

Learn more about Heartland for women to move from depletion to replenishment at www.sarahpoet.com/heartland.

Stop letting men deplete you.

the woman who has something they want. Some men will uplift women and their missions. Let’s talk about the difference.

Some men will subconsciously tear down the woman who has something they want. Some men will uplift women and their missions.

Let’s talk about the difference.

A man who wants something from a woman that he’s not getting may act in the following ways:

  • insatiable desire for her body, her energy
  • tearing her down when he sees her succeeding
  • feeling very lofty for his minor financial success, feels inflated when giving to a woman
  • desires to have a lot of conversations of big ideas, but does little with them and does not have a command of his own money or make those things happen

At the root of any of this behavior is a dis-integration of the Mother in the man.

A man needs to acknowledge his insatiable thirst for Her (mother, feminine, woman) and reconcile this within himself.

When he does, he will be IN SERVICE TO a woman, her mission, her success. He will ask how he can help. He will refer her services to others, he will put her in front of his people. He will invest his energy and money into her.

Because he has no problem uplifting and sharing the wisdom of the Holy Feminine for all eyes to see.

Women, my guess is that you have a lot of experience with men who do NOT understand this yet.

My guess is also that you have a lingering imprint of depletion as a result of this.

Maybe you’re married to a good man who can’t get enough of you… but it wears you down for some reason.

Maybe you enter into relationships and receive big promises from men, rearranging your life accordingly, to find he can’t keep it and then you feel depleted.

Or you spend a lot of time with male friends who talk about deep and spiritual stuff but then you realize that this time investment hasn’t actually made you more resourceful.

Maybe you have no idea what it feels like to be uplifted by a man who doesn’t want to consume you.

In that case, my love, Heartland is for you. You can take this as a live course, offered once a year, or schedule a consultation with me about doing this in private mentorship.

Heartland is about creating regenerative energetics in our systems as women so that we are no longer in depletion – and has NOTHING to do with men.

Why are women in depletion? Because we’ve operated with distortions around what masculine & feminine really are in this silly gender construct – and we’ve given and given to men, to families, to society, to workplaces…. forever.

Women are collectively depleted.

When women are replenished, we change the entire energetics of the operating system of the planet. (Starting with your world first.)

It’s a bigger educational piece that I’m happy to get into, but my love, let me ask you this – did you relate to what I was saying here? The amazing thing is, too, that when we say “no more” to depletion and clear these lower-masculine behaviors from our lives, and/or correct the energetic template ourselves, the men who show up in our lives are the ones who have done the work with the Holy Mother and are now prepared to support you as well.

What a welcome change, right??

Change the energetics from depletion to regeneration in YOU, now. Heartland will take you there.

My heart’s true desire: to live in devotion.

I turn 41 tomorrow. I wasn’t going to celebrate it because I’ve judged myself that I’m not thriving in all areas of my life like I want to be. And then, throughout this week I turned to a “look how far I’ve come” perspective and slipped it to a friend that Thursday is my birthday. He’s volunteered to bake me a cake. 

I was nervous to request of him that it be gluten free. A man, baking me a cake that was his mother’s recipe. Such a beautiful gesture. Should I have asked for gluten free flour? My son said I was ridiculous, of course I could ask for gluten free flour. 

I’m not the best at asking, or receiving, at 41 and a single parent where I have to embody both feminine and masculine throughout the day. I’ve been pretty adept in my life at working my ass off, but I’ve been pretty clear for a while now that that is not what I’m put on this earth to do. I’m realizing all of these new and innovative teachings about women, sustainability in our energy, and the need to move from depletion to regeneration, and yet, I think I spent my 40th year washing old patterns of depletion out of my own system. 

I can’t say I’ve mastered replenishment. But I long to. For that, I’ll have to begin opening more to receive. I’ll start, this year, with the cake. 

I recently had a very authentic realization about my own heart. In the teachings I mentioned above, that I’ve been calling the Heartland teachings for over a year –  a title that I didn’t even come up with but also something I sort of downloaded from God or wherever that wisdom comes from – we talk about Heart’s Desires. 

The Heart’s Desires are a very important part of women’s prosperity. We’ve hustled for so long and for so many ways to get our needs met, to ensure our children’s needs are met, to bring our creations to life, and to maybe be loved so damn good by a man if we’re lucky, that we forget how to truly desire. 

Women who have been through it – we forget how to want. I know some of you feel me. 

And if we forget how to want, then we forget how to receive, and we default to working our asses off. 

And so a big “hell yes” to the necessity of the revival of the Heart’s Desire. 

I went to a John Wineland workshop on desire in February and I thought I’d found it. I hit something vulnerable, anyway. I landed on my deep desire being that I “wanted to be fully claimed.” By a man, that is. That’s what my heart came up with that day. But it didn’t really stick. Was it inaccurate? Was that not it? 

I forgot about it and went on contemplating the Heartland and the new ways for women to experience thriving life, replenishment, and prosperity without working our asses off. Or, if we’re going to work that hard, may we at least be compensated regeneratively for it. (New ways – that’s my point.)  

And then, last Sunday, my heart cracked open even more, tenderly and authentically, and I spent some solo time asking it what it wanted. And the answer that I found, I believe, was the truth. 

My heart wants to be devotional. It longs to be devotional. My heart longs to love. 

After all the times I’ve loved and lost, after all the offers of love I’ve made that weren’t received, I came to critique my own loving. I came to see my heart as something that others would step on, and maybe I gave it less. My relationship to my desire dwindled with each loss. 

A hardened heart of a woman is a fucking tragedy. I don’t know that mine hardened, exactly, it was more “worn down.” 

So I spent the last year+ tending to my heart. And honestly, I love my heart. I love the way I love. I love the love I have to give. It feels immense, and the sadness that I feel when the clients don’t come in like I’d like, or the money doesn’t replenish, or the right relationship hasn’t arrived – it’s not about greed or dissatisfaction as I’ve judged and self-evaluated the fuck out of myself trying to figure it out over the years. It’s a sadness because my heart wants to be devotional. It wants a place to put its natural feminine devotion. 

My heart’s desire is to be devotional. 

That feels so beautiful to me. 

I’m writing this on the last night of my 40th year, and it feels like I’ve hit the good and true desire of my heart. I’ve arrived in a place I actually really like. 

I’ve been taking a Gene Keys course called The Pearl about prosperity based on my specific genetic makeup. I’m a bit behind in the course and I want to finish it, so I just sat down today to do so. 

The last six weeks were honestly hard and gritty as I had turned back toward the liberation of a particular silence that I didn’t realize had been plaguing my life. I liberated the silence for someone else’s benefit – devotionally – not for my own benefit. But what I found was that my voice releasing that story and the silence that I’d held also released a ton of energy that I didn’t know was pent up. I lost track of the Gene Keys course during this time. My money froze up because of the fear that telling the story evoked (an old and subconscious fear related to the masculine – I’ve written this month on my blog about the “masculine template” we orient toward and how it affects us). And when I went back to the course, I realized that what the Gene Keys group had been studying during that time was the body center of the voice. I had been liberating my voice, not knowing that my process was right in line with the group alchemy. Beautiful how that happens. 

As I lean into how my Gene Keys want me to use my voice for my “Brand” – my life’s work – I discover that I am a Line 4 and the expression wants to be told through the heart. 

The heart. Surprise surprise. 

I’ve used my voice in so many ways over the years of building my business and navigating relationships. I’ve defended, I’ve critiqued, I’ve cut down. I’ve analyzed (especially men), I’ve schooled. Over time I withheld my heart and spoke with my head. Clearly, I’ve made mistakes. 

I love turning 41 and realizing that all of that time is over. It has been over for some time, but today I just get to recognize it in that reflective way of birthdays. 

I miss my voice being so obviously, publicly, consistently connected to the heart. 

And I’m reminded that the name of my soul (my legal name as of 2019) is Poet. A mystic, naturally. A truth seeker and teller. The name, I always knew, would reveal its secrets to me over time, like it is now. The Gene Keys says I am to communicate a “higher ideal of love” and “within the context of a greater longing.” It says I am “here to put the heart back in business.” That sounds like the job of a Poet to me, to be connected to the devotion of the heart.  

Isn’t all of that so very interesting since at this exact time, the Heartland teachings came back to me and said, “It’s time, again, to offer this.” A journey into the Heart and THAT is where we find replenishment. 

Sometimes I judge myself that I don’t have these prosperity principles mastered yet and therefore should just go home. I should just get a job, something predictable, and stop taking so much risk. I am a single mother, after all. But that’s when my heart speaks. 

And it says, “You know this is yours to do. You know you won’t be let down. You know you love to offer these transmissions. You know you won’t get a job. Dream bigger now.” 

And I say to it, “Yes, but what if no one comes? What if no one can hear me? What if I’m not getting it right? What if the money dries up for good this time? What if I don’t fulfill my mission?” 

And the heart replies, “Those are the words of fear. Of scarcity and perceived aloneness – the exact things you’re teaching about. Go to the Heartland energy. Breathe there. Bring it forward. The only mission is love.” 

And so I get to practice devotion. Which, in this moment, feels so beautiful and so lucky. 

I get to practice devotion. 

To my work. 

To the true sustainability, replenishment, and prosperity of the feminine. 

To Union.

To love itself, to my child, to being an author. 

From here, I can remember desire, service, and potential. 

From here, I can receive and relate. I’ll begin with the cake coming my way. 

Hello 41 year old Self. I actually like you better than ever. I even love you, even you, devotionally. 

If you’d like to give for my gifts of writing and service, for my birthday, because you love me, or because you believe in the replenishment of women doing the work of their hearts, I will tell you that I would like to receive. 

You can venmo @embodiedbreath or paypalme/sarahpoet5555 gifts of currency. 

With every gift, I will receive it into my being, and I will amplify it back out in the name of regenerative prosperity to everyone in this community. 

Thank you for being you, and for reading. 

I’ll be back with more, from the heart. 

In love, 

Sarah Poet 

Woman, What is your Masculine Template?

For years, I’ve been talking about the necessity as women for us to heal our relationship to the masculine. We have an old imprint of what “masculinity” means based on cultural standards, and we have to wash that clean and open our minds to what else is possible. I’m not so much interested in defining masculinity as I am inviting us into relationship with the masculine archetype.

I’ve been upgrading my masculine template lately. 

While I’ve been healing my relationship to the masculine for many years, this new language of the “masculine template” recently came into my consciousness. It’s been a really helpful conceptualization and I hope that sharing it is helpful for you as well.

For years, I’ve been talking about the necessity as women for us to heal our relationship to the masculine. We have an old imprint of what “masculinity” means based on cultural standards, and we have to wash that clean and open our minds to what else is possible. I’m not so much interested in defining masculinity as I am inviting us into relationship with the masculine archetype. 

“Masculinity” I see as a narrative full of cultural assumptions and that’s not really my interest. Knowing the masculine archetype in both women and men and being in right relationship to it is what I am interested in. 

I want to talk about the “template” that we have of the masculine, and I mean the masculine archetype. This template informs literally everything we do as women, and we don’t even realize it. Women are literally always forming their behavior based on the “template” of the masculine they hold in their consciousness. 

Just this week, in a coaching call with a woman, she was able to see that her deep resistance to the concept of structure was because she subconsciously associated structure with the masculine and oppression. So – it’s happening in your subconscious literally every day, all day, that you are behaving in relation or reaction to your “masculine template” in your consciousness. I promise you. 

I’ll explain further and take us deeper into this juicy, worthy, and potentially slightly uncomfortable contemplation.

As women, we have an “orientation” to masculine. We have a set of associations with men/patriarchy that are rather subconscious. We assume certain things of men and come to expect certain behaviors from men – not all of which are positive. This orientation to the masculine also includes all of the memories and imprints of wrongdoing that men have done. And, to take this to the depth that it really needs to go – we have imprints of the wrongdoings that patriarchy and religion have done, which are both associated with domination and oppression of women and the feminine. 

Let’s look at some more real life examples of how the masculine template we carry influences our lives. 

A woman was raised by a single mother with an abuse history who worked her butt off to secure minimal resources and basic needs. This woman formed beliefs from her childhood such as, “Men don’t show up, I’ll always be on my own, I have to work really hard but it won’t pay off.” She still carries these in her adult life and it forms and shapes the way she interacts with work, men, money, and even the extent to which she values herself. 

How can you relate to that? 

Another example: A woman is super talented in her work but it goes unrecognized by her male colleagues. She forms beliefs like, “Men are just in it for themselves, I have to work twice as hard to be recognized, my ideas as a woman are undervalued.” She spends her entire workday energetically responding to these perceptions. It shapes her. 

Can you relate? 

Last example: A woman grows up as a girl inside traditional religion and hears messages about subservience and being seen not heard. She grows up to be a good girl, silently frustrated with kowtowing to men who don’t even live in alignment to the true virtuous messages of the religion, but use it as a way to be dominant. She forms an orientation to the masculine that says, “I need to ask permission to be me. If I don’t behave I won’t be loved or provided for. I just have to keep giving myself to men and volunteer causes even though I’m not fulfilled.” 

How did your relationship with this supposed “male god” influence your relationship with the masculine? 

Each of these women has an orientation to the masculine. 

Each of these women have so very naturally confused the behavior of men and religion for the true masculine. It’s happening everywhere, so commonly, that we don’t even question it. Entire feminist movements have been oriented toward fighting against what is conceptually in front of them – an orientation toward an oppressive masculine. 

When we see the masculine as destructive, abuser, oppressor, dominator – we carry that as our masculine template. The template we then orient to. When we have the formative experiences of shadow masculine, including trauma and oppression, our psyches, our cellular structure, our bodies begin to orient to all men, all ideas of masculine, all masculine essences as oppressive. The template was formed, and then the template is what we carry out. 

“Men are dangerous.” 

“Men are takers.”

“I’ll have to do it all on my own.” 

“I’ll have to give him sex if I want to secure my livlihood.” 

It’s so common for women to carry a template of an old, wounded, shadow masculine, isn’t it? We’ve grown up in patriarchy, for thousands of years now, and so our orientation toward this immature, aggressive, dominator masculine is well formed. It is the template to which we orient our lives. 

But it’s not serving us. In fact, it’s keeping women very trapped. It’s causing women to expend massive amounts of time and energy defending themselves, hustling extra hard, giving away life force energy, fighting against something, feeling as if something is being taken from them, etc. 

Orienting toward an outdated template is a trap. And, it’s a choice. 

Women can upgrade our template of the masculine. And we can do this whether or not we have the external evidence of it. 

And we must. 

When women with masculine-related trauma in this old and outdated template ask me how to heal their relationship to the masculine, the first thing I tell them is that this happens inside of their hearts. 

Women habitually look outside of themselves for the examples of masculinity that they can have faith in – and when they think they’ve found that person, they put all their eggs in that basket. We enter relationships with men who we think, “This guy isn’t like the rest, he won’t hurt me.” We look for men who understand “sacred masculine” and do men’s work. 

But this is not actually the way we heal our masculine template (because nine times out of ten, we’re just attracting more of the old template when we search for it in a man). We update the masculine template in our hearts, in our imaginations, in our own healing journey with the masculine and in our own contemplation. 

We heal our masculine template by healing our traumas associated with the masculine, which of course can take some time and is big work. But, if you’re reading this, you’re up for that work. 

Begin to ask yourself what the evolved masculine, the sacred masculine, even the masculine aspect of God looks like to you. What does your heart know and dream?
THIS is the creation of YOUR NEW masculine template! This is where YOU get to recreate the masculine that is possible and what you want to see. You get to feel it, imagine it, and then *form your behavior in relation to this new template. 

Even before you have the external evidence that it exists, this is what you do. 

For example, I know that the entire universe is comprised of both feminine and masculine and that there would never, ever be a Holy Father who would renounce the importance of the Holy Mother. I know that religious representation of God as a dominating force that positioned women as less-than is a total farce. Therefore, I don’t have to look for a church that understands this in order to validate my upgraded template. I can investigate what I believe and trust in my own heart. I can redefine my personal spiritual relationship with the Holy Father. In doing so, I get a new definition of that divine masculine essence, and I can orient toward that instead. 

I can *choose* to orient toward the painful past template of masculine through the church or I can *choose* to orient toward a progressive and restored template of the divine masculine. 

In this way, I re-imprint my own psyche and not only that, it changes the way I live. Maybe I don’t walk around as guarded or defensive anymore. Maybe I relax in how hard I push myself because I discover more trust in a benevolent provider masculine divine. (Real life example right there.) 

Or, if you’ve not had good experiences in love relationships with men (maybe because you’ve been attracting from an outdated template), then you get to begin to rewrite your template of what is possible in love. You get to imagine it by developing your own relationship and reflection to the question, “What is masculine? What do I want in relation to masculine and men?” You get to dream it up, and then that dream becomes your template, and you not only orient to life from that new place and feel much better, but you also get to attract your next partner from this upgraded template. 

Ask yourself what template of the masculine you are orienting to. Additional reflection questions could include: 

  • How do I believe I will be treated by men? 
  • How do I relate to the masculine archetype in my work? 
  • How much do I trust I’ll be provided for vs how much do I work super hard to ensure that I meet all my own needs? 
  • What do I believe is the definition of the divine masculine? 
  • If I were to develop a relationship to the divine masculine, what would that look like? 
  • In what ways do I trust or do I not trust the masculine in men or God? 
  • What do I expect from men? 

The template can always be upgraded, and in doing so, you are doing the entire world a service by re-imagining masculinity and orienting toward that upgraded template. You might not see it yet, but if you carry that template in your body, mind, psyche and orient your life and behavior toward it (instead of a victimized or wounded orientation), you will essentially birth it into being with your faith, curiosity, and the energetic template you carry. 

Women, what is the masculine that you choose to relate to? Start living it. Today.