Masculine Feminine - Sarah Poet

The real reason women are quitting.

I found it was becoming more and more difficult, as I was a part of a team and physical community of people, to remain sovereign particularly in my emotional energy. When we are relational (and we naturally are), the human-relating stuff starts to seep into the crevices of our lives, and work isn’t just work – it’s intertwined and perhaps harder to compartmentalize.

As a woman, I watch myself have a certain habit that goes something like this: when I am invited to be a part of a thing (job, relationship, group goal), I first discern if it is aligned with my values and life direction, and then if it seems to be, I jump right in and give it my all. Key word – discern. I remember an old friend saying to me years ago after a breakup, “I think it’s all about discernment, Sarah.” She was saying – think more about it first. So I have gotten better over the years, but still, oftentimes, not long after this wholehearted “yes” to investing my time, energy, attention and heart into the genuine progress of said job, relationship or group goal, there is often a subsequent time of saying to myself, “Ah shit, I gave too much again.”

What would indicate that I gave too much as a woman? Personally, and I don’t think I’m alone, I experience that I’m not being met by others in the amount of care that I am putting into it. It might seem like I’m caring too much, or they don’t care as much as I do. Another way I experience this is when the value exchange isn’t reciprocal. Maybe I gave too much in a job contract and am finding myself thinking about it when I’m not technically working, taking me away from valuable family or creative time. Or, the last time I was in a love relationship I knew I’d given it too much of my attention (and other resources) when I became sick with covid and he said as if accidentally speaking out loud the passing thought that was going through his head, “Oh, I should bring you food.” And then he never showed up with the food nor mentioned it again. That was the moment I thought, “Oops, I’ve invested more than he’s willing to invest.” It all fell apart not long after, which is quite alright, because I don’t like to live in a net deficit. I desire reciprocity and mutual respect of one another’s resources in places where I invest my energy.

Emotional Over-giving:

But back to the “thinking about the job when I’m not technically working.” This one wasn’t a problem when I was solely running my own business. After a previous career in education and as a school leader, I’d worked to build my own coaching and consulting practice in masculine / feminine energetics (see my TEDx) but then for various reasons – including but not limited to desiring to live and serve within a progressive community, and wanting to raise my son with more stability and positive community influence – I negotiated a part time salary to help build an innovative new project. I got my first “job” in nearly six years.

Because we live and learn what we’re meant to teach, over the years I have developed and taught this system to women called Structure and Flow and my entrepreneurial work has begun to take shape more and more around redefining women’s #resources . I have taught this for years, but then I needed to really lean on this system for women’s resource allocation that I’d developed, as I found myself needing to categorize my time and not allow the various jobs and tasks to all blend together.

I’m pretty good at compartmentalizing tasks and duties, or giving my attention and focus to one thing at one time. For example, I am a single mother and devote time to my son in a certain way and when I’m with him, I’m fully with him. I have coaching clients and run a membership community, and again, when it is just my work there is this joy that I have with it and I never think to myself, “I’m thinking about a client too much.” I do my work, my clients reach out when they need me, and all is great in the exchange (which I worked a very long time to achieve, I will say). I’m actually very good at managing my own energy and boundaries when it’s just me and my business, but some kind of old wire tripped when I went back to a paycheck, and what an opportunity to observe and report from this angle!

Personally, I have redefined the value of my resources. People don’t just pay me for my time, as standard economics has implemented for some time. I define my valuable resources as my time, life force energy, attention, creative energy, my love and devotion, my intuition, my body, and my emotional wisdom. And that is what I charge for. Those are the things I’m considering when getting involved in an exchange, but that’s because I’ve literally redefined “value” for myself.

Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself.

She said what? Charging for emotional energy? Yes.

My emotional energy is one of my most valuable resources. It is my intuition, wisdom, my body’s knowing, and emotional energy is the basis of creational energy.

To begin to redefine what “resources” are for us, and then also see the true value of them, we must be willing to look at “resources” and energy, and redefine them through a #masculine / #feminine lens. And when we do, it all starts to make more sense. This is what is underlying women quitting. Stick with me.

Masculine & Feminine Resources are based in Masculine & Feminine Energy:

It’s not a #gender thing, although it influenced #genderstereotypes . Masculine & Feminine are energies within each of us, and we call on them for different aspects of our lives.

I’ll break it down like this – there are feminine and masculine archetypes, and affiliated with those archetypes are certain qualities. Now, we must (must) take time to understand what is an *actual* archetypal quality of both masculine and feminine versus a societal projection of feminine and masculine. Most people, if you just say these words, are going to associate societal projections and stereotypes to this, but I don’t have time to unwind that here, so we’ll move forward with a few quick examples.

An archetype isn’t a person, it’s a flawless example (which people are not). The masculine archetype possesses qualities of singular focus, linear thought, task completion, decisiveness, consideration of all in the tribe, and makes sure everyone has their resources.

You might not associate masculine with those things and instead associate masculine with things like dominance, control, coercion, snagging all the resources, etc. That is patriarchal, or shadow masculine. Also called unconscious masculine. It’s what needs to be cleaned up on the planet.

The feminine archetype in its healthy expression will possess qualities such as nurturance, caretaking, emotional consideration, lovingly willing to open and to give, is very heart centered, has a wisdom based on a full-spectrum seeing (as compared to the singular focus of the masculine), is communal and relational.

The unconscious, shadow, unhealthy feminine would be emotionally manipulative, withholding, seeking to snag the man’s resources, or the harsh feminism of trying to take the power back.

We pay for masculine qualities, but expect the feminine to give for free:

If you hear nothing else from this article, hear this: in value exchanges, both economic and relational, our society as it stands most often will pay for what is valued as masculine energy, and it wants feminine energy for free.

And this is why #women are #quitting – because they are tired of the world just expecting the exhaustion of what is inherently feminine to be normal and for the taking.

When you work in a “job,” you’re typically trading #performance and time for a paycheck. Performance is output, people assume that output leads to profit. All of this is masculine energy also because it’s outward, always moving, always pushing. And if you’re always in “yang,” then you’re not taking enough time to rest, and you’re not going to get to the really good creativity. #Creativity and productivity are not the same thing, they do not at all come from the same areas of the brain or impulse. Creativity has an impulse and needs to be nurtured, production can be rote.

So that means, most companies who are trying to innovate probably want us to feel something. When we can feel, we can be lit up, we can invest our love and devotion, we can care about what we are doing, and we can create better solutions for the world. You’ll notice that what I just referenced is feminine.

But people typically don’t pay for creational downtime, for time to gestate the ideas, to have an emotional reaction to something. Some are innovating in this way, but many are still pushing for productivity and output as a measure of profit, and passing this pressure onto employees.

Women are going to have emotional reactions to work, because we are relational beings and we are always considering the whole. It is the nature of the feminine, and women have feminine energy because we are women, and the world is having a massive awakening in feminine consciousness right now. If you’re missing this, your head is under a patriarchal rock.

This awakening is also an unidentified reason women are quitting. They are #remembering something, and realizing they don’t fit into the status quo, but don’t have the exact words for it. The more a woman remembers the truth of authentic feminine and masculine, the less she will be able to fit into what has been the norm. Thank God. Because she will quit, and she will start something new that does work differently, and she will be on the front lines of innovation.

Redefining value at work to keep women:

We want to care and invest our emotional energy, and many times, it isn’t wanted or appreciated. Correction: it is wanted if someone needs to vent #emotions at work to someone who is naturally empathic. It is wanted for free. But what happens when a woman has an intuition inside of a work project, or wants to bring an innovative agenda item to a meeting, or try something collaboratively that has traditionally been between male decision makers in a room? Can that be heard? Or not? If not, she’ll be quitting.

It is not fun or fair for a feminine-essenced being to have to stuff her #intuition or inner knowing (also called emotional energy) because only masculine traits are valued. It is not fun for her to emotionally labor, on her own time while she’s trying to have an easy going dinner with her kids, how she’s not listened to at work or how she truly senses what is needed, but her wisdom isn’t valued. That is deadening. She has life force, she has energy that she wants to give. She wants to devote it toward something that matters.

Will you redefine “value” in order to keep the women? Will you better listen to the women in your organization? Will you trust her to know the fullness of what she can bring to work, and know that your company will be better off for it? I hope so. When you do, all KINDS of creational energy will flow for your projects! All of that feminine emotional energy remember, is creational, and it wants to go somewhere!

Decision makers are welcome to reach out to me, as I consult with companies to identify and help heal the exact places causing unrest. Many people don’t know how to identify what is blocking the operational systems in an organization because they don’t yet have this language or concept. It’s not taboo to talk openly about masculine and feminine, about where it applies to gender and how it impacts us. Companies who are willing to do this will innovate first and go the farthest in the future world we’re creating. Visit https://www.sarahpoet.com/reconciliation today to learn more and book a consultation with me.

#embodiedbreath #masculinefeminine #quietquitting #greatresignation #emotionallabor #emotionalenergy #creativity #innovation #newparadigm

Women, have you felt hurt by the feedback, “You’re too masculine?”

I’m seeing a theme lately in women coming to me and sharing that men are giving them the feedback that they are too “masculine.”

Not only are they giving women this feedback, they are insulting women with it, and using it as a reason to leave the relationship.

I was so impacted this year by the look on a woman’s face as she told me that her husband of over twenty years was leaving her because she was “too masculine.” It was the look of a woman who knew how to be stoic and save face, but had no idea how to handle this information. The look of a woman who had done her best, and from the suit jacket she was wearing and the leather bag she was carrying, I’d say she had been a powerful and influential woman in her career. And now he was leaving her, and she wasn’t showing any emotion about it. She looked like she was just going to “handle it.”

I’m not placing women as the victims, here, don’t misread me. These nuances of realizing where we went wrong with feminine and masculine, and how to culturally and spiritually redefine these concepts and learn to apply them to our lives – it’s huge work that we are in as a collective right now.

But what a double bind for a woman who received cultural messages that to be a strong woman meant she had to be equal and climb the career ladders just like men. Women have learned to do this because it was necessary for survival, actually, and it also feels good to many to climb those ranks.

Until women themselves are beginning to realize more and more that that was never a game we would have designed on our own. It was a game we inherited. The rules of the game sounded like, “If you want an equal shot at salary and resources, if you want independence and if you want to earn your own resources, you’re going to have to compete with men in the workplace.”

One woman I recently heard from was a lawyer. Her boyfriend had just broken up with her using the reason, “You’re too masculine.”

So I want to take this article in a direction you may not expect.

“You’re too masculine” is not very evolved feedback.

Women, I know it hurts, but this wouldn’t be thrown at you by a man who is actually aware of healthy feminine and masculine, rather, this is likely coming from his subconscious desires about the feminine. (I’m not saying this as an insult, I’m saying this based in psychology and observation.) I would recommend taking the feedback as information for self reflection, but not necessarily as an insult, if you can help it.

And men, we actually know we’re overworked and taking care of things we would rather a man take care of. It would be better to stop insulting her and start asking how you are contributing toward it. How can you help her to feel more embodied, safe, and comfortable in her feminine archetype, if that is what you want more of?

Isn’t it just like dominator culture to give punitive and identity-forming feedback to a woman? Isn’t it just like dominator culture to shape a woman one way such that she learns to survive with certain tactics, and then shame her for it?

What is dominator culture? A culture built on some having power and some not having power.

The feedback that “you’re too masculine” is shaming, and here’s the thing – this is something that can actually be worked with. Feminine and masculine polarity can always be re-balanced, or re-assigned between two people. This can be exciting work with a coach or through your own research and implementation. And a man who is accusing a woman of being too masculine is also a man who has embodied a feminine polarity that he is no longer happy with. Don’t shame her for it – learn about how to embody a masculine energetic, embody it, and ask her if she wants to practice embodying more of the feminine polarity. I promise you, she probably does. She’s probably tired of holding the world up all the time and would love to experience letting go of the masculine tendencies she’s learned. Try her!

I couldn’t look at this woman and tell her to shrug off her husband using this as an excuse to divorce her, and I would never want to.

But my general feeling is that women, if this has happened to you, it’s okay. Here are some suggestions on how to move forward.

See it for what it is. There is some truth to it – you have masculine tendencies and they probably serve you at work. It’s okay to ask yourself what of this “masculine” energy you also may want to let go of in certain situations or love relationships. Sometimes for women, what looks like “masculine” energy is actually a self-protective energy.

2. Everyone has masculine and feminine inside of us, so there’s no need to abandon the masculine within you altogether. The masculine is needed for things like structure, earning an income, keeping a schedule. I’m not saying these are “man” things, but they are aspects of masculine energy. When said like that, it’s easy to see that we all have both.

3. Begin to ask yourself, “What are healthy qualities of feminine and masculine, and what are unhealthy qualities?” For example, domination is an unhealthy masculine energy, but leadership is a healthy quality. Try to consciously choose what feels healthy, more and more.

4. Decide if you want to hold the feminine or the masculine pole in relationships. Regardless of the gender of two people, one person (in any given situation, or generally) holds the masculine pole and one holds the feminine pole. Of course, two people can also create amazing, conscious balance within themselves, but honestly, feminine and masculine polarity is part of what makes a relationship fun and juicy. So if you are masculine at work in a leadership role, how do you shift into a feminine role with your male partner if your choice truly is to hold the feminine polarity? I can certainly help couples shift this dynamic in their lives, and another resource to look into may be Dr. Patricia Allen’s work.

5. Welcome any feedback or realization you may be receiving about being “overly masculine” as an invitation to get to know the feminine. A few friends of mine with excellent resources for coming to know the feminine are Liz Kelly, the author of Home to Her and the creator of the Home to Her podcast. Liz is always researching and sharing the “Her-storical perspective,” as she calls it. Also, Sarah Grady has developed a body of work called Homecoming which is an excellent path for women to re-embody their feminine nature. And, of course, I created over 144 episodes of the Sacred Remembering Podcast, which encourages women to trust their direct knowing and path of reawakening not only to the feminine, but to what healthy union of feminine and masculine actually looks like.

I could tell you more from a psychological perspective what is really going on in a man’s own feminine / masculine dynamics both internally and with his residual mother wounding, but sometimes I feel like I’ve already analyzed men enough. So for today, I’ll end here and I’ll say that no one is “too” anything.

We are humans who inherited life in a patriarchal system, and this is an exciting time for us to come to consciousness about how to utilize feminine and masculine as paths of personal and collective awakening.

If we don’t like it, we don’t need to insult others. We need to start getting curious about what we truly desire our relationship with these archetypes and energies to be moving forward.

If you are looking for support in re-balancing, re-harmonizing, or re-defining feminine and masculine in your life and relationships, schedule a consultation at www.sarahpoet.com/book today. I’d love to support you and help us all to move past our hurtful misunderstandings.

The Masculine As Consciousness & the Effects of Psychedelics

When I, as a woman, think of the masculine as consciousness, I soften in my front body. I trust that if the masculine is consciousness, there is an energetic penetration that allows for my feminine to open.

Do we agree that the feminine is vastness? Openness? It’s okay if we don’t agree, though I’ll continue from this premise.

When I have a relationship with the masculine as light (an expression of consciousness), I feel a trust that life is organized. It is an energetic response. My openness can organize in response to this light.

When I have a trust for masculine as consciousness and light, the natural expression of this is penetration, and there is no guarding, no protective response in me. There is only trust, softening, organization of my openness. I am attracted toward the penetration of this essence of masculine. Energetically, this is the only response of the feminine to true masculine essence.

Now, let’s look at men and psychedelics, because brothers, I’m concerned about things I see.

Psychedelics open your mind. They awaken you. Fabulous, if you choose it as a tool, so be it. Yet I am concerned about the perpetual openness of the consciousness that often results. An openness, a spiritual vastness that some would say is terrific. But is it? Of course open your mind to the inner workings of the All That Is, but if you exude the quality of openness rather perpetually, then where is your penetrative consciousness?

When I find myself in front of a very spiritual man who spends a lot of time on psychedelics, my feminine does not open toward it. Because it can’t. There is no natural inclination to open in this case.

You know what I find to be a lot hotter? Kundalini yoga. It creates a sharpness in the consciousness and in the aura that is… you guessed it…. Penetrative. Reliable. Trustworthy.

Am I saying openness and feminine are not trustworthy? No.

Am I shaming men for being feminine? No.

I am saying that I personally can not feel, in my woman body, an energetic response to your vastness, because I am vastness, and you are not giving me the consciousness needed to electrify my vastness. You have to electrify, to penetrate with embodied God Consciousness, to be poignant in order to invite the true feminine respond to your masculine energy.

There is a difference, energetically, between perpetually open men with endless ideas and men who apply insights to activated consciousness in order to enact more structure, more influence, more impact on this planet.

If you touch God Consciousness while on psychedelics, how do you apply that to the organization of your life? How do you apply this consciousness to new organized structures on the planet? How do you become so embodied, so reliable in these structures that the feminine trusts you more? These are the questions I’d pose.

How do you integrate the openness found in psychedelics into the wholeness of embodied masculinity? If this is what you choose. But you’ll find that women respond much better to you when your consciousness is sharp.

If you feel more open than a woman’s own feminine, then she can not respond to your energy and she can not trust you.

Tell me, men, how do you practice embodying your divinity?

Wait… are you saying to withhold sex?

What does every man want the most?

The answer is not sex, it’s not money, it’s not power.

I believe that what every man wants the reunification with the deepest essence of the feminine, and that this drives his entire life, most often subconsciously.

Men form their first relationship with the feminine through the relationship with the biological mother. And then, because mothers are imperfect, as humanity is imperfect, his formation of the idea of what “Mother” is is imprinted as imperfect.

This creates within him, I believe, the greatest potential anguish and quest in this life. The deep psyche of a man longs for a holy reunification with the Mother, and with the feminine. It drives him whether or not he ever realizes it.

The deep feminine is also the thing he fears the most, or that he may try to conquer and control.

This desire in men to reunite with the depths of the feminine may cause him to do unconscious things like stay in boyhood, stay in victimhood (making all women wrong, like his mother, and waiting for the woman who will prove he is worthy of the feminine’s love), or go from woman to woman, drinking of the feminine but not staying with any one woman. He may keep himself in a position of relying on women for money, being taken care of. He may only feel better when he has been given sex, when she “proves” to him that he is “worthy” of having access to her. He may feel entitled to access to her and take it. Or he may swoon her with spiritual language or wanting to experience her full “surrender” to him so that he can feel his masculinity through her.

All of the above (and more) are expressions of the man trying to work out his relationship to the feminine. He wants access to the feminine, and he wants to know that he is worthy of that access. The man who does not know better goes to women to get this access. When neither one of them realizes what is happening, she may feel as though he’s somehow invisibly sucking the life out of her, or that he never seems to give her what it is she most wants. Often, this is his full commitment or devotion.

Women who do not know better give men (who are really still uninitiated boys in this case) this access, but it doesn’t work out for either of them. Why? Because he has access to sex.

A man has to reunite with the feminine, the depths of the feminine, the Holy Feminine, the Divine Mother – by ANY and EVERY name – he has to reunite with her within himself and his soul journey. A.k.a. NOT through your vagina.

A woman can’t be this stand-in. (Just as a man can not be the stand-in for a woman to reunite with the Holy Father, by any name.)

So it could be that a man who is looking for the deep access to the feminine, to reunite with the Mother on all levels, looks for this by poking his penis ever-further into the woman (or many women), questing for this thirst to be quenched.

Remember, men want access to the feminine more than anything else.

So, women. There is a question of when to have sex, when to give it, when not to give it. Obviously, this is a nuanced thing and you always decide for yourself.

Have you had an issue with a man having access to your sex and then leaving when you thought he should be more honoring of what you just gave him?

Have you had an experience with an adult man thinking he was entitled to your body?

Have you had a man ask you to surrender to him or to prove to him that you trust him fully by allowing him to enter you?

Have you had a man use your money, not provide for you, but then also want sex with you?

Have you emotionally nurtured a man but it did not feel reciprocated?

All of these examples are a man who is looking for reassuring access to the Mother, through you.

I could stop there. That’s really enough information for you to understand the energetics. But I’ll say a bit more, for added empowerment and understanding.

Is it withholding to not have sex with a man when you sense that this energetic is in place? I’m not sure that that is even the right question.

Do you have every right to NOT have sex with someone if you feel he is sucking you dry, asking you to prove his masculinity, without making your life easier? Yes, you have every right.

And if you DO continue to have sex with a man in the above scenarios, will you continue to give him access to the feminine (albeit not the exact type he subconsciously most yearns for), thus NOT getting your deepest needs met? Yes. If you continue to give the sex, you will continue to experience the same thing.

More sex does NOT equal this man saying to himself, “I have to be a better man for this woman!” More sex for this man usually reinforces to him, “I’m doing just fine! Look! She just reinforced that I’m okay as I am.”

Because he has his access.

You have sex with a man when he is showing up in a way that is already what you want. You have sex with the man who is already embodied in himself, already reunified with the divine mother, has already had his soul journey to the underworld and back, has already committed to you.

You never have sex with a man who is not embodying the energy you truly desire, hoping that he will, after sex, begin embodying what you desire. (I mean, unless you want to.)

Because the moment you give this man access to the feminine, he stops questing for himself.

The moment you give him full access, he thinks he’s reached it, and he does not have to quest any more.

Are you understanding me?

It’s not withholding sex. It’s only responding to the energetic that you see in front of you. And if that energetic in front of you is truly what you desire to allow to penetrate your life, then you let him in. You welcome him in and it is your deepest pleasure to BE the feminine divine for him.

When you know that you are and can be the ever-loving depth of the feminine, then only a man worthy of that is allowed in. It’s only natural and by then, it’s not withholding. It’s just a standard.

But if you are hoping, and he is poking and hunting… you may be better off waiting for the time you do feel the full, embodied, devotional, covering presence of the man who is coming to give, rather than to drink. Because the man who is showing up to give will certainly know and respect that he is gaining access to the most precious space on earth (or in all the cosmos), and he will respect you as such. And you will be the cosmos which is filled by him, and the giving and receiving will be the joy between you.

So you tell me, does this sound like withholding? Or a sovereign standard of recalibration?

About the author:

Sarah Poet is a subject-matter expert on feminine and masculine energetics, archetypes, exchanges, healing trauma, and what it might require for us to raise the consciousness of feminine and masculine for conscious and evolutionary love. To learn more about her private coaching and courses for individuals and couples looking to evolve past patriarchal patterning, visit www.SarahPoet.com today.

If you want to heal your relationship, go beyond polarity.

Improving masculine and feminine polarity in a relationship is one piece of the puzzle. It’s important, but I personally don’t think that it alone will re-harmonize a Union between two people.

Lately, in my couples coaching practice, I’ve been thinking about how masculine / feminine polarity isn’t enough to truly heal a relationship.

And that is why I don’t just teach polarity!

I know many couples – maybe you – who want to re-polarize their relationship to healthy feminine & masculine dynamics. This is understandable, needed, and fantastic.

Our culture didn’t socialize us to be attuned to conscious feminine and masculine. Our culture had gender roles that were so skewed and far from conscious feminine and masculine that we now have to re-learn what these even mean to us, and then we are able to begin to interpret what they mean in relationships.

As men and women, we picked up certain characteristics of gender that simply weren’t conscious.

For example, a woman who may think that in order to have everything under control learns to climb a career ladder and earn all of her own money, which is a masculine energetic. Then, in relationship, she finds that she has a difficult time polarizing into the feminine energetic with her masculine partner. She may exhibit characteristics (personality habits) that try to control all the details of the relationship in order to keep her emotionally safe (or give her that illusion of safety.) She may have a difficult time letting a man take the lead, even if she so desperately wants to relinquish control.

And what about him?

He may yearn deeply for a woman to trust him, but if he’s honest with himself, he may actually have a hard time trusting himself. He may ask himself, “If she surrendered to me, would I know what to do? Will she stay?” He may very much want to play a traditionally masculine role of provision and protection, but he may have a difficult time actually standing in a powerful energetic in order to do this.

So is polarity enough?

I can teach her how to embody more of a feminine polarity in the energetic, and him a more masculine polarity in the relationship, so that they can feel and enjoy what healthier expressions of feminine and masculine feel like. This can be fun.

And, I do this for couples, within a larger framework. Couples come to me in part because they desire to experience polarity (even if they don’t know that this is what they subconsciously want), but if I only taught that, I’d be doing a disservice.

Why?

Because polarity play alone would be like a couple acting out parts in a play without authentic, embodied shift in how they live their lives. Polarity play can bolster confidence such that one thinks they’ve made a huge change, but then the subconscious material sneaks back in and sabotages a couple’s true connection again.

Because it is what is under her self-protective armoring and tendency to try to control that also needs to be worked with, and it is what is under his incessant need to please without actually feeling powerful that is what needs to be worked with.

And you know where these originated? In the primary relationships with mother and father. (A little less sexy than polarity play, I know.)

“Polarity play” is play, but truly healing masculine and feminine is sincere work that happens in the body/soma, mind, and heart, and in consideration of healing the Mother & Father Wounds.

We have to go to the root of where the societal gender roles messed with us and undo that, let your partner witness you honestly, and heal together.

Did you know that you can hold the space for this transformation to happen within your partner without emotionally laboring for them or shrinking into a smaller version of yourself??? You can.

I personally don’t go into a lot of stories in my couples coaching work, meaning I don’t go into the stories of the past traumas. Rather, I am adept at identifying patterns in behavior and energetics, that link to the root. It’s more efficient than talk therapy, though it can be done in conjunction with therapy.

The roots of the patterns can be worked with in the present moment through Conscious Relating techniques, and I am using that term to point to the set of embodied practices that I have developed for couples to practice together.

These are trauma-informed practices, which means that I have taken what I have learned and experienced through trauma therapies and combined that with partner touch, breath awareness, and mindfulness. If you’re interested in it, I can add energy healing to that space that creates a true breakthrough.

Combined with my coaching, we identify the place of trauma or resistance that is held in the space between a couple, and we work together to heal it through presence, breath, energetics, and a bit of magic. 😉

Re-polarizing masculine and feminine is one piece of the puzzle. It’s important, but I personally don’t think that it alone will re-harmonize a Union between two people.

For that, we need to look at healing on physical, emotional, mental, and energetic levels.

If you are interested in that level of “coaching,” you can learn more and book a consultation with me at https://www.sarahpoet.com/consciousrelating

If you JUST want to look at my Foundations of Conscious Relationships Course, visit and purchase here. https://www.sarahpoet.com/foundations-of-conscious-relationships

In 2023, there are FOUR ways to interact / combine the above.
1. Do the course on your own
2. Course + 4 private sessions with me (consultation required)
3. Course + 8 private sessions with me (consultation required)
4. 12-16 weeks of full-immersion private coaching with me (consultation required)

Obviously, the deeper you go into the private coaching work with me, the more positive effect we can have on your relationship.

I look forward to supporting you on this important path of becoming more conscious in love relationships,

Sarah Poet

How do men respond to female entrepreneurship? Here’s my TOP TEN.

It takes consciousness and the transmutation of shadow-masculinity in order to actually uplift the work of women, but he does it because he knows it serves us all when he does.

I was walking in the woods recently, early morning as per usual, and all of the content for this blog started to download through my intuition. I felt the genuine inspiration and got out my phone to voice record myself.

I listen to that voice of intuition and the muse of inspiration. This was a fun blog post to put together, somewhat cathartic in allowing myself to name things out loud that I’ve spent years experiencing and examining (and healing).

I don’t write it to bitch, shame, or blame men. I do write it to call awareness – to female entrepreneurs who need some context for what they may be experiencing and for men to hopefully self-examine their level of allyship for females trying to make a difference in this world.

Do all female entrepreneurs want to make a difference? No, I’m generalizing. But we are living at a time when more women than ever are starting businesses in order to make the world a better place, in order to help fix inequities, and in order to make their living in creative and beneficial ways.

My business is a coaching and consulting company in the area of masculine / feminine reconciliation. I serve as a coach to any gendered human, but I specialize in the energetic dynamics between men and women as we come out of patriarchy and look to relate in new and sovereign ways.

I started my business in 2017 with a brief period of overlap as I left my former career in education. Perhaps because I work in this arena, I both notice nuance in gender relations as well as have had to deal with quite a bit.

Please enjoy my top 10 ways men have responded to my female entrepreneurship. Names may or may not have been changed because I may or may not desire to protect the identities of the men I’m referencing.

TOP TEN RESPONSES TO FEMALE ENTREPRENEURSHIP (in no particular order):

1: “Give me your energy for free but don’t make me look at my own shit, especially not my unresolved shit about my mama.”

Eivind ran an international men’s group and invited me to write for his members. I agreed to write a short column per week, and I agreed to do it for free! I was just starting off, after all, and this man had an established group. I was a guest in his space! I just offered over my energy for free, hoping it would lead to new paid leads.

I posted content weekly, and I noticed a very clear trend. When I uplifted and exalted masculinity, men cheered my posts. When I added in a bit of a call to action (“Please look at this shadow behavior, gentlemen”) the men would oppose or even attack me in the comments.

I pointed this out to the leadership of the group, and this is when I really began to understand that there was so much work for men to do even beyond joining a men’s group – they had to reconcile with the feminine and women. The leadership couldn’t understand this because they hadn’t done it themselves (something I have seen repeatedly in men in men’s organizations). Eivind “stuck up” for the men who were offended, rather than supporting the woman who was writing content for him for free. So, I stopped.

Explanation: This behavior is based in a lack of actual honor for the feminine and wanting women to continue to stroke the man’s ego (or… you know… other places) in order to continue to self-inflate and validate his importance. It’s also based in an unresolved Mother Wound where his internal little boy still kind of hates / kind of craves the feminine as Mother.

2. The dominator / withholding:

When I stopped working with an old friend in order to start my own business, I left with an ask that he look at the “good old boy” nature inside of the organization we had built together. Branden did three things in response.

One, he turned white as a ghost and looked like he was going to have a heart attack for two weeks because he found me to be so scary. Two, he never spoke to me again and had HR work up a deal with me to get me out of the door as soon as possible. And three, he refused to ever give any referrals, even though my new coaching business was an extension of services for the population we served. Everyone would have benefitted from referrals to my new company, but he refused based on temperament. I left an industry months earlier than expected with zero referral contacts given the stand he took.

All cooperation was out the window and he did what he had to do to cover his reputation among colleagues.

Explanation: This behavior is based in domination of women through withholding of resources, making it harder on the woman to succeed. This is very common in men who see women’s liberation and voice as a threat, and it’s scary AF for women going through it (which is the dominator’s point).

3. “I think I love you!”

There were many men, mostly in the periphery that I did not know well or at all, who, upon finding my work, thought that because I was a woman who understood and empathized with what men are going through, that I must actually be meant for them. I received many messages in my social media inboxes with such proclamations. “You get it! I think we’re meant for one another!”

Explanation: This behavior is consumptive and this man subconsciously wants to eat up the feminine and have it all to himself! It’s based in projection and unhealed Mother Wound (notice a trend there).

4. “Fuck you then, I don’t love you.”

Because of my work, some men who I partnered with did not expect me to have flaws. While in a way, this is flattering that someone would think this is even possible, this is also completely unrealistic and sets everyone up for failure. Also, there is a deep rescuer pattern in this dynamic, which I of course played into for a host of reasons, including: the vulnerability of this path including resource vulnerability, my own desire to partner, and the genuine desire to be met.

Explanation: This behavior of the rescuer/hero in men always backfires because it’s based on projections all around, and this man will find that his hero facade doesn’t know what to do with a real woman, and so he’ll reject her when he feels his own vulnerability, commonly following the path of the dominator or taking the fastest escape route possible. To the woman, this feels like harsh abandonment and a reiteration of a lack of support.

5. “I see you, and I want to uplift you, but I don’t know how.”

Men in this category are very loving and they want to support you and what you’re doing, but they support you through their love only and not action. What action would look like as if a man were to tell his friends, or contacts in business, that you are someone he trusts and recommends. Men are more likely to hire a woman coach and gender equity consultant when another man tells him that it is safe to work with you.

Another iteration of this is, “I’ll pray for you.” I’m talking about the kind spiritual man who legitimately wants you to do well but is telling you that he’ll pray for you, not the religious man who is praying for your unresolved sins and entry to heaven – those are different. The man who isn’t judging you and who is offering to pray for you is being nice, however, you may or may not need his prayer. You may need him to take some nice juicy action instead, or ask you, “How can I support you?”

If you are a man who genuinely loves a female entrepreneur in your life, how can you take action (a masculine attribute) to help catapult her work and make it more visible? What kind of masculine oomph do you want to contribute?

Do not assume that the world is ready to uplift female entrepreneurs. Don’t leave her to go it alone. If you love her, lift her up. It’s actionable and helpful.

6. “I act like I support you, but I really just want to fuck you.”

Mike was informed spiritually, had done a lot of his own inner work regarding masculine archetypes, and seemed to understand the feminine at least more than most. For years, I thought he actually understood my mission and supported it.

He asked me to model for a photo shoot on feminine archetypes, and I did it because I trusted his intentions at the time.

Later, while I was in the process of a breakup, he took me out to dinner and told me how he had always had feelings for me (a married man). If I had not averted the conversation, I do not know what he would have been willing to do that night.

He was also very wealthy, and years into our friendship, I asked him for his sincere help and uplifting my work, work that he continually told me the world needs, at a time when I did not have money for rent given the ups and downs of running your own business (especially as a female entrepreneur.)

Money can definitely bring out all of our most subconscious shit, and he seemed to revert into an uncomfortable ex-husband/father identity who had been taken advantage of before, being very stingy and claiming not to have resources to help.

All the talk of supporting my work was talk, and maybe even something he got off on. He wanted me to pose in front of his camera, which I did for his art exhibit, and yet when I needed actual resources to keep my life going, all support folded. This dynamic is a net-deficit to the feminine/woman and is self-serving to the man.

Men, it is a beautiful thing to actually put your financial resources into supporting a woman and female creator, single mother in your life, or, hell, just to make a woman’s life easier. It’s an aspect of healthy masculinity to be provisional. It’s not a man’s sole purpose, but if you are well-resourced, sharing is an attribute.

Men, if you A) reject money, or B) just want to fuck or self-aggrandize, PLEASE do not ask a female entrepreneur (or any woman) for her sex, time, or energy.

7. “That’s cute.”

There’s not much more that needs to be said about this one. I had men who saw me as a respected professional in my career in education and knew that I was formulating innovative, trauma-informed coaching solutions, and never took it seriously. “That’s cute. Good luck!”

This is, by the way, a primary energetic in the way the world responds to female entrepreneurship, regardless of gender. Many female friends will also click “like” a social media post but never directly refer to my work. There is a lack of awareness that we’re not here to entertain, we’re here to change the world and make an actual living while doing it.

(So please go refer your friends to ten female entrepreneurs as soon as you’re done reading this post. Thank you.)

8. “This is really great, but for some reason I won’t tell anybody about it”

It takes courage for a man to step into a healing space with a woman, especially when the healing space is about feminine /masculine and his vulnerability. I have received incredible testimonials from men who experienced life changing sessions, but to my knowledge (because I never got another client from their referrals), they kept it to themselves. So they experienced something incredible, but there was not an awareness or impetus to share their experience in order to uplift other men having a similar experience, potentially because of shame and stigma related to receiving this kind of help either individually or in their partnership.

If you have a vulnerable experience as a man, and it improves your life, do you think that other men would benefit from hearing about it? Tell them!

9. “See, here’s what you do…”

I love masculine business advice – when I ask for it. Some of the best coaches I’ve had were men, and I’ve also been known to ask male friends to “coach my inner masculine.” I came from the career field of education, where I wasn’t adept at business because I didn’t have to be. Business requires both feminine and masculine.

But the thing is, most women are heavily indoctrinated with how to “behave like men” in the business world and we don’t need unsolicited advice thrown at us about how to do business in the way that men have been accustomed to doing business.

Also, I’m intending to do business very differently – in actual feminine and masculine harmony – which is something very new to the world. In this way, we need to collaborate and learn from one another. I want to learn from you, and please be willing to learn from me, too.

10. “This is great, how can I support you?”

And then finally, we have the men who either have experienced the work or respect the woman trying to do the big thing of changing the world, and they decide on their own fruition to spread the word directly with their contacts!

They introduce you to their affiliates.

They repost your social media posts.

They refer you directly by word of mouth.

They offer to coach you when you give a TEDx.

They ask, “How can I support you?”

They let you know that you can always call on them.

They put actual cash behind your mission, no questions asked, or pay your rent if it comes to it.

They write testimonials voluntarily.

They invite you into their men’s groups to share your feminine perspective and expertise.

They put you in front of their organizations and let you teach.

There are these good men, and we need more support like this.

This man has done a lot of his own work to clear the other shadow-masculine behaviors.

He has an embodied understanding of himself, realizes we are all still growing, is comfortable with his own leadership and vulnerability both, and does not see you as competition. He has no need to be angry at women. He does not wrap his identity up in how he helps you or how you make him feel, rather, he knows that it is an aspect of conscious masculinity to uplift the work of women, and to make sure that the women in his community are feeling supported and provided for.

He uplifts the work of women because it is just the right thing for the masculine to do.

Conclusion:

I used to get frustrated that more men weren’t supporting my work, and then I realized that the fact that they weren’t is a function of the very dynamics my work seeks to address.

Said differently – it takes consciousness and the transmutation of shadow-masculinity in order to actually, purely, and beautifully uplift the work of women because he knows it serves us all when he does. All men won’t automatically understand how to support women’s work, and that is a part of the process that my efforts actually seek to serve.

One of ten men might “get it,” and I can actually be of service, in the heart of the feminine, to the growing consciousness of the nine. That is my work to do because it’s a part of my mission – it’s not every woman’s work to do to help men “get it.”

And so to women, it is my advice that we not focus too much on what a man can not provide us while we do this thing of female entrepreneurship, even though that may be heartbreaking or a struggle and a half.

Keep going, ask for help from other women or men who you know do not have an alternate agenda to vampire-suck your energy, and give yourself a high-five for walking the delicate balance of being an independent way-shower and also not trying to hold up the whole damn world by yourself. We want and need support, and every-woman-for-herself is fucking exhausting. We want to call on and lean on our brothers, husbands, and lovers, and I believe in a world where we’re able to do this more and more as men heal their projections of the feminine. We also need to keep healing our anger and projections on men. We’ve got this. But shoo, I know it’s big, big work.

And men, to you I say:

Thank you for reading this!

Where do you see yourself in this “top 10?”

How have you responded to women owned businesses?

How do you directly or indirectly support women businesses, and how can you support women more directly, generously, and altruistically?

There is coaching available to men, women, organizations, and couples who are disentangling the energetics of gender and patriarchy via www.sarahpoet.com. Reach out and let’s do the good work of clearing our shit to better show up for one another.

Who can you recommend this article or my coaching work to today?? Thank you!

Now, go recommend nine more women to your network. Thank you.

How you can make feminine leadership more sustainable for women.

Just because women are in positions of leadership does not equate to the return of sustainable feminine leadership or respect for feminine qualities. True feminine leadership happens when we rebalance the inequitability of feminine & masculine in our actions, efforts, and energetics, and ensure the sustainability of systems, including the women themselves.

Last spring, as the new leaves were returning to the trees and the ferns were unfurling, I visited a year-one school startup to consult with the two women who were running it.

The ideas for the school were all about innovation, keeping children close to nature, and preserving the ideals of curiosity, self sovereignty, and relationship. The school was beautifully visioned and the positive response from the community had made for fast growth. And these women leaders were exhausted.

They were working incredibly long hours and the school had not yet met financial goals, which meant that it was running at a deficit. In response, to take care of the children and the vision, they worked harder. Of course they did. It’s what women visionaries do.

They were trying to get it to go, powering through, even despite not getting paid because they were paying the teachers first. And I was there as a school consultant, yes, but also a systems analyst, a women’s leadership guide, and as someone who connects land/vision/people together when there is a mission at work. In other words, I’m looking at systems, including the energetic flow in the system as a whole. Where is it leaking energy? Where is there an area that is out of integrity with the flow of the entire system of the mission?

And so I asked them, “Are you okay running this school if it requires that the school be run on feminine depletion? You are looking at creating a holistic school model, but what of your model is requiring the feminine to continue to run on depleted resources and energy?”

I heard back from them recently, a full half a year later, and the administrator told me, “There is not a day that goes by that I do not ask myself that question. It was the greatest guiding question I’ve received.”

You see, our systems have historically run on feminine depletion.

What do I mean by that? In short, I mean that in a patriarchal way of building and operating, we over-rely on masculine energetics: build, push, create, exert, make happen. And when we stay in that energetic for too long, we create an imbalance, which forces the feminine energetic to go into submission (getting what it can where it can, like 6 hours of sleep, a little exposure, or a little congratulatory high five now and again) or it’s just forgotten about altogether (which we’ve seen in our modern workplaces in the quest for more profit, more wins.)

When the feminine is depleted, we get women who over-give, women with hormonal disorders and weird health symptoms, the pushing down of things like intuition and taking time for an idea to gestate, and the unrealistic expectation that we are able to stay continually in go-mode.

But this of course doesn’t only affect women. It affects men in that they resist vulnerability or not having an answer, always wanting to maintain the image that everything is under control. And it has affected our ideas of leadership across the globe.

You can also begin to deduce from my simple examples here that it is not a gendered issue, and we’d be well served to move beyond the typical conversations of gender in the workplace and include instead these considerations of what healthy and unhealthy feminine and masculine leadership look like, and how they are expressed.

Historically, we’ve made “women’s leadership” and “feminine leadership” synonymous, and I want to state explicitly that they are not. Just because a woman is in a position of leadership does not mean that she is enacting feminine principles in the least. Even to write that, I can imagine that some readers may bristle at the word “feminine” being inserted into a conversation about leadership because the stigma is still that the feminine can’t lead for it’s “softness.”

But I will tell you that when we look at some of the most innovative research and actions taking place in the field of leadership, what is happening is the re-incorporation of the feminine archetype and feminine leadership behaviors. To name a few: shared decision making, collaboration, flexible scheduling, and allowing teams extended periods of time to create. All of these are aspects of feminine leadership whether we call it that or not.

Then why name it? Why name it as feminine or masculine? I strongly believe that in doing so, we can save a lot of time with a conceptual framework that also reduces many of the unspoken and tricky issues that are chalked up to gender in the workplace. It’s not differences in gender that are most important. What is most important is whether or not leaders value and know how to lead, incorporating both feminine and masculine leadership qualities, and whether they extend that to their cultures and teams.

Going back to the two women that I was coaching, as I asked them this question, “Are you okay with this place running on feminine depletion?,” they had already had an understanding of feminine and masculine, and so when I asked it, the real and deeper issue became more clear.

In trying to do the right thing, they were exhausting themselves and also running on exhausted financial resources. We can see that such a situation is unsustainable. And it is in the reconstructing of both the finances and the activities of the school into an equitable feminine / masculine collaboration that both of these issues can be corrected.

A world that didn’t value the feminine was also the world that created a very serious deficit in environmental sustainability. The two go hand in hand and this topic could be elaborated on quite extensively. And so for today, I’ll conclude that feminine leadership, which I would encourage all leaders to embrace regardless of gender, would not allow for the depletion of the feminine energetic, the earth, the resources, or the people. Often in our quest for power and profit, these are the very things that are depleted and overlooked. Women and men, and leaders of all kinds, it’s time for true thriving to include the wellness and sustainability of the feminine and masculine in harmony.

Sarah Poet is available for consultations with leaders of any gender and maintains an eye to the energetic efficiency of systems as we create a more sustainable and equitable world. To schedule, visit www.sarahpoet.com/book.

Is feminine & masculine polarity an adequate gateway to the relationship you want?

Perhaps some aspects of common feminine / masculine polarity teachings are true, but then entire schools of thought (and businesses) are constructed around these partial and unrealized trends. They are selling you “polarity” as a gateway to Union, but I caution this.

There is a lot of information out there about feminine masculine polarity that is false and it is hurting good people. I’ll start by saying that.

Some examples of a common teaching via coaches on Facebook and the like that the masculine is completely responsible for our provision. Or that the feminine’s job is to just open and expect to receive.

Both of these very common pseudo-spiritual teachings cause good humans to contort their behavior and wonder what is wrong with them or their partners when their relationships feel stressed or are non existent.

When we put ourselves inside of false constructs, and that is what these “extreme” polarity teachings are, then our lives feel tight and we wonder why. We have thoughts that the masculine “should” behave a certain way and have it all together and that the feminine “should” behave in a perfectly polarized way and have it all together.

A relationship that is attempting to live in this style of polarity will find itself eventually very stressed out and at extremes.

So what is needed?

The answer could also eventually be described as behavior, or mindset, but first I would like to suggest we go wider still – to a new framework of consciousness.

Nearly all of what we have determined as masculine and feminine, from gender associations to pseudo-spiritual polarity games, have so-far been constructed within a false consciousness grid. This grid is a framework that holds what we believe, until we change it (it starts with you and I), and then the collective consciousness grid actually changes. This is how we change the frequencies of thought and behavior on the planet, as more and more change their relationship to the false-consciousness grid.

But we have a ways to go, because so far, the former grid was BUILT on polarity and separation – an either/or scenario.

The point to feminine and masculine is not to over-emphasize its polarity. It is to explore union. People *know* this conceptually as an idea but to desire to get to Union through Polarity is going to likely remain within the framework of either/or.

These two are not two, but one. It is a nice ideal, but trying to put feminine and masculine back together in actual Union within a separation matrix is nearly impossible.

So what is needed is an upgrade to the consciousness matrix itself, to Unity and to the energetic frequencies that uphold unity. You have heard of Unity Consciousness. That is a different frequency, first.

This is also the frequency of love and partnership. It is the conscious and energetic movement from either/or and fear-based thinking into unified thinking and being (this is where your behavioral changes come in).

You will experience this on the subtle energetic layers of the body / mind / energy, where you stop experiencing the need for polarity or opposition, and feel more peace with the union that simply IS.

This Unity Frequency is already within and already all around you and when you stop looking for it through polarity, it may be closer than do you think.

Opportunities to reflect:

1. Where are you so interested in expressing an extreme or a polarity idea about feminine / masculine within your relationship(s) that you are missing the opportunity for peace?
2. Where do you desire harmony in your relationships and you are attempting to get there to the practice of polarity or, God forbid, domination submission?

Contemplate these questions, and if you would like to talk with me about 12 weeks of couples immersion, please learn more and schedule a consultation here.

Spoken & Unspoken Exchange Agreements: Who is getting your energy and why?

Some exchange agreements are laid out clearly, and many others are assumed. Are you clear about who gets your energy & why?

Some exchange agreements are laid out clearly, and many others are assumed.

At the end of a love relationship a few years ago, after I had moved in with this man thinking it was a long term agreement, and then six months later he gave my child and I the boot, we were in a counseling session.

I was speaking about the agreements that we’d had, and the counselor said to me one of the most illuminating things I’d ever heard. He said, “Sarah, were these agreements stated or written, or did you assume them?”

In fact, I had assumed them. Based on his character as I’d known it to be and his invitation to build a life together. But I had assumed that that had meant certain things about the exchange agreements.

Now, I’m not still heartbroken about that in the least, but I was reminded of this while walking and talking with a friend this morning about EXCHANGE AGREEMENTS specifically between men and women.

And I would apply this to the workplace as well.

When I took a job on a leadership team in a startup, I got a massive raise from my previous charter school job. And then I would receive texts when I was putting my child to bed, or after ten PM. When I decided that I would not be answering these texts because they were invasive, I caused some disruption. Nowhere was it written in my contract that I was obligated to answer leadership team texts at 10pm if I was not on call. The unspoken expectation was that I would answer because I’d gotten a good gig. Then it was as if they thought they owned my energy.

They did not own my energy. No one owns my energy but me, even when there is an exchange agreement in place.

For hundreds of generations, the exchange dynamics between men and women were very skewed. A woman couldn’t own land or even have her own last name, and her food and housing security depended on her husband or her father, and she had to keep them happy. So she made certain decisions about her body, who she permitted access to her body, how she gave her energy, and how she specifically did not exert her energy or risk being “too much” in order to preserve her access to resources for her and her children.

Women still carry the TENDENCY to get wrapped up in unspoken, unwritten exchange agreements with men and employers, because we’re subconsciously still wired to expend our energy in order to not piss off the man or authority figure that has control over our resources. If an employer decides whether or not you get a paycheck, and that paycheck feeds your kids, then you will do things like turn down your opinion or answer the text after hours in order to ensure your security.

This happens at every tier of employment, and women who have climbed ladders to achieve more are not immune to this.

And I’ll go on record right now and say that I believe that this is the root cause of burnout. How we use our energy based on what we perceive the unspoken exchange agreements to be is making women more tired, more depleted, and wondering how in the world their quest for leadership did not land them with a life of actual fulfillment.

Where is your energy going? Why? What is actually contracted, or agreed upon, and what isn’t? How is this happening both at work and with your spouse?

When that personal relationship ended, I couldn’t understand why this man wouldn’t have been happy. Because I had tried to keep him happy. He was, after all, inviting my son and I into his house. I’m not too proud to admit it. Of course not. How could I recommend that we take an honest look at these dynamics if I’m not willing to own it myself?

I did, eventually, piss off the employer with the edge that I was walking. I was getting too big for my britches, asking for equity in too many ways, and this was the last job I had before becoming a women’s coach and masculine feminine polarity consultant.

My friend and I this morning talked about the insidious nature of the unspoken exchange agreements between men and women, between money and sex. Who gets access to your energy? Why? Are you trying to keep them happy? Are you happy in this behavior and in your agreements?

Because I’m here to tell you, you are the only one that decides who gets access to your energy, when, and why. Every day, you get to define and redefine your agreements. You get to ask for that. You get to stop the habitual self sacrifice right now.

Now wouldn’t that just be the end to burn out right there?

If you’d like to discuss personal coaching about taking back your energy from unspoken agreements that are depleting your life, contact me by setting up a consultation at www.SarahPoet.com/book.

The purpose of fear & how to get free.

If we look at it as if everything is happening for us rather than against us, that a purpose of fear is to direct you to your sovereignty.

I find fear to be a fascinating, tricky little bitch.

And I say that with respect to the role that fear plays in our lives. If life is a spectrum of emotions, all somewhere between love and fear, how often do you lean toward fear and how often do you lean toward radical love?

How often are you choosing one or the other, versus operating on a default?

I think if most people are honest, fear is the common default.

The fear of not having money causes people to slave away their waking hours to someone else’s cause.

The fear of not having love causes people to spend endless hours on dating sites or pining for that love that might one day grace their lives.

It’s wild, how much time and energy fear takes from you.

Recently, I learned more information about my upbringing that revealed some really grotesque truths to me. I grew up in a family with deep secrets that most everyone in the family still avoids or denies knowing. But in an effort to bring the truth to light, and to liberate my psyche from habitual trauma responses, I go digging for the truth where most would prefer to avoid it.

And even when I discover a truth that is fascinatingly fucked up, at this point, I’m actually grateful for it. Why? Because it helps me to feel less fear.

Did you ever notice how fear has a tendency to become pervasive? It’s nebulous. It sneaks into places you didn’t expect it to be. If one good thing happens for you, you might find yourself wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. This is fear, just lingering around you while you let it.

The purpose of fear is so that you have less power and autonomy – words that could be used to describe what I call Sovereignty. The purpose of fear is so that you spend your time worrying or giving your power to something other than your true purpose, distracting you from your own clarity.

Fear, truly, is not working for you. It’s working against you, unless you notice it and redirect your actions accordingly. Fear will cause you to live on an adrenal-response autopilot called fight/flight. It will hijack your nervous system and therefore your attention. All of these things are taking your life force and, again, stopping you from being who you came to be.

After finding out about another layer of horrific family secrecy that was used to control me as a child – with effects lasting in my subconscious well into adulthood – I was watching the mechanisms that had been put into play long ago. I was, to be clear, not in a fight/flight response about what I’d found out, but rather, I was observing it neutrally so that I could study the response patterns in my thoughts and body.

I became the watchful observer, to witness the cause/effect, and to change my behaviors accordingly. To get more power and sovereignty back.

What I found was that I was actually living, to some degree, from a fear-based energy due to a trauma response from long ago. I couldn’t see it before now, and then, by shining the light of day onto it, the patterns became clear.

And then it became relatively simple to see what to “do” about it.

First of all, don’t react. Don’t give the fear more fear.

Second, don’t turn away. See it, look at it, stare it down. Fear lives in the dark, so shine the light. (Light-shining podcast forthcoming.)

These two things together, simple in concept only when the nervous system has the capacity not to engage in the fear trigger, can neutralize a fear.

The purpose of fear is, honestly, to control you. Fear lives off of your energy while you spin in circles trying to outrun it. Fear that is the result of a trauma keeps you in a loop of victimhood, wherein your energy is perpetually wasted.

To get sovereign, we have to look at our fear patterns. We could say, I suppose, if we look at it as if everything is happening for us rather than against us, that a purpose of fear is to direct you to your sovereignty.

What are you afraid of?

Where are your fears running your behavior?

Where is fight/flight fueling your decision making about how to spend your time, energy, and attention?

Where are you checking out in your life in order to avoid feeling the fight/flight?

If you’re courageous enough to look at these answers, you can get in front of the fear. You can neutralize it. And in that way, the purpose of fear, when you get wise to it, can be to help you stand in the full power and truth of who you are.

Sarah Poet is a polarity integration expert with a knack for seeing the hidden shadows that result from this bizarro separation matrix we inhabit. To book a consultation for individual or couples coaching, or workplace gender reconciliation counseling, please visit www.sarahpoet.com/book.

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