A couple came to me a few months ago wanting to take their relationship through a repeating, traumatized pattern to conscious love.
I love this goal of conscious love. I asked them what conscious love meant to them. And, what we found was that while they wanted it, it was difficult for them to explain it, or even know what to ask for.
“Maybe we’ll know it when we get there…?”
When you’re in the repeating, looping patterns inside of a relationship, you don’t quite see how to get out of them. You don’t quite see how to make the unconscious conscious, which is what needs to happen.
Hint: it’s usually not about the communication.
How couples typically try to go through these trauma-looping patterns is to talk about it, to rationalize it, in endless, long, laborious, not-fun conversations. But the material isn’t rational, that’s why you’re stuck. And that’s why the conversations aren’t moving the dial on the actual issue.
The stuff of what keeps a relationship looping is the stuff of the deep subconscious. What you’ve wanted from love in the past but didn’t get. Or how you say you want love, but you stay self-protected and avoiding depth. These are just two examples.
But there is actually massive opportunity in these exact places of confusion – inside the blind spots. And you may think me some kind of freak that I get excited about the opportunity inside of chaos, but as a conscious couples coach, I do get very excited about this. Being willing to go there is a significant aspect of conscious love. And, the exact place that is driving you crazy in your relationship has the capacity not only to reveal the deepest truth about each of you, but also to actually help you discover conscious love.
If a couple chooses to walk to move through a deeply stuck situation, through exactly the places that they want to avoid, blame, rationalize, or run away, and if they can stay with the triggers and learn to presence with one another, they will find that they are actually learning conscious love.
It starts with developing abiding presence.
When I work with a couple, I teach them how to presence with one another – how to notice the contraction or expansion in their bodies, how to notice their breath, how to honor the truth of the moment for themselves and not get lost to their partner or pressure.
I teach couples how to stay conscious in the moment, so that their relationship can become a conscious relationship longterm.
Conscious love sounds like an amazing idea but it may also sound pressuring to some. It doesn’t require a lot of spiritual knowledge or the transcendence of all of your flaws, as the words may imply.
What actually is required is the willingness to stick with even a difficult moment, to learn about yourselves, and to be with what is, in any given moment. If you are willing to do these things, you can have a conscious relationship that evolves over time. You can have a relationship that takes you deeper into connection and intimacy in the body and beyond.
Anyone can have a conscious love relationship. It just requires the adjustment of some skills.
You will discover and define what Conscious Love means to you in your relationship – once you can see the possibility.
For the couple I mentioned, their definition evolved to include the following: full acceptance of the other without judgement, active masculine feminine polarity, breathing together regularly, learning from one another, trusting one another fully and trusting the divine more, surrender, conscious love making and intimacy, greater connection, authentic desire, and more.
I take couples through the stuck point of habitual trauma and into established, conscious love. Learn more and schedule a consultation at www.sarahpoet.com/consciousrelating.
