|Lately, in my couples coaching practice, I’ve been thinking about how masculine / feminine polarity isn’t enough to truly heal a relationship. |
And that is why I don’t just teach polarity!
I know many couples – maybe you – who want to re-polarize their relationship to healthy feminine & masculine dynamics. This is understandable, needed, and fantastic.
Our culture didn’t socialize us to be attuned to conscious feminine and masculine. Our culture had gender roles that were so skewed and far from conscious feminine and masculine that we now have to re-learn what these even mean to us, and then we are able to begin to interpret what they mean in relationships.
As men and women, we picked up certain characteristics of gender that simply weren’t conscious.
For example, a woman who may think that in order to have everything under control learns to climb a career ladder and earn all of her own money, which is a masculine energetic. Then, in relationship, she finds that she has a difficult time polarizing into the feminine energetic with her masculine partner. She may exhibit characteristics (personality habits) that try to control all the details of the relationship in order to keep her emotionally safe (or give her that illusion of safety.) She may have a difficult time letting a man take the lead, even if she so desperately wants to relinquish control.
And what about him?
He may yearn deeply for a woman to trust him, but if he’s honest with himself, he may actually have a hard time trusting himself. He may ask himself, “If she surrendered to me, would I know what to do? Will she stay?” He may very much want to play a traditionally masculine role of provision and protection, but he may have a difficult time actually standing in a powerful energetic in order to do this.
So is polarity enough?
I can teach her how to embody more of a feminine polarity in the energetic, and him a more masculine polarity in the relationship, so that they can feel and enjoy what healthier expressions of feminine and masculine feel like. This can be fun.
And, I do this for couples, within a larger framework. Couples come to me in part because they desire to experience polarity (even if they don’t know that this is what they subconsciously want), but if I only taught that, I’d be doing a disservice.
Because polarity play alone would be like a couple acting out parts in a play without authentic, embodied shift in how they live their lives. Polarity play can bolster confidence such that one thinks they’ve made a huge change, but then the subconscious material sneaks back in and sabotages a couple’s true connection again.
Because it is what is under her self-protective armoring and tendency to try to control that also needs to be worked with, and it is what is under his incessant need to please without actually feeling powerful that is what needs to be worked with.
And you know where these originated? In the primary relationships with mother and father. (A little less sexy than polarity play, I know.)
“Polarity play” is play, but truly healing masculine and feminine is sincere work that happens in the body/soma, mind, and heart, and in consideration of healing the Mother & Father Wounds.
We have to go to the root of where the societal gender roles messed with us and undo that, let your partner witness you honestly, and heal together.
Did you know that you can hold the space for this transformation to happen within your partner without emotionally laboring for them or shrinking into a smaller version of yourself??? You can.
I personally don’t go into a lot of stories in my couples coaching work, meaning I don’t go into the stories of the past traumas. Rather, I am adept at identifying patterns in behavior and energetics, that link to the root. It’s more efficient than talk therapy, though it can be done in conjunction with therapy.
The roots of the patterns can be worked with in the present moment through Conscious Relating techniques, and I am using that term to point to the set of embodied practices that I have developed for couples to practice together.
These are trauma-informed practices, which means that I have taken what I have learned and experienced through trauma therapies and combined that with partner touch, breath awareness, and mindfulness. If you’re interested in it, I can add energy healing to that space that creates a true breakthrough.
Combined with my coaching, we identify the place of trauma or resistance that is held in the space between a couple, and we work together to heal it through presence, breath, energetics, and a bit of magic. 😉
Re-polarizing masculine and feminine is one piece of the puzzle. It’s important, but I personally don’t think that it alone will re-harmonize a Union between two people.
For that, we need to look at healing on physical, emotional, mental, and energetic levels.
If you are interested in that level of “coaching,” you can learn more and book a consultation with me at https://www.sarahpoet.com/consciousrelating
If you JUST want to look at my Foundations of Conscious Relationships Course, visit and purchase here. https://www.sarahpoet.com/foundations-of-conscious-relationships
In 2023, there are FOUR ways to interact / combine the above.
1. Do the course on your own
2. Course + 4 private sessions with me (consultation required)
3. Course + 8 private sessions with me (consultation required)
4. 12-16 weeks of full-immersion private coaching with me (consultation required)
Obviously, the deeper you go into the private coaching work with me, the more positive effect we can have on your relationship.
I look forward to supporting you on this important path of becoming more conscious in love relationships,
Improving masculine and feminine polarity in a relationship is one piece of the puzzle. It’s important, but I personally don’t think that it alone will re-harmonize a Union between two people.