Emotional labor never motivated any man to change.

conscious, and yet, that actually gives energy toward a “fallen masculine.” He doesn’t have to be stronger if you’re giving him your energy as is.

I learned about the term “emotional labor” a few years ago, but I don’t think I authentically understood it until I studied the energetics of it in my own life.

The extent to which this is an issue in our culture continues to astound me.

I’m kind of all about energetic sovereignty, my own path of masculine / feminine union, wholeness, and energy optimization. I have this whole planner system about women’s time and energy optimization and I use it daily to track where my energy goes. (It’s called Structure & Flow and you can learn more here, but then come back so you don’t miss this key info.)

I know where my time goes. I know where my life force goes. I know how I optimize my energy with superfoods and energy practices, meditation and time allocation. And I know I do not choose to give away or waste my time, which I used to do a lot. In correlation to giving away my time and energy, I wasn’t thriving.

A woman’s greatest resources are her inherent resources – her life force energy, time, attention, mental and emotional capacity, and her body… you know, everything the patriarchy took for granted or expected she give away.

You see, the world is *used to* expecting a woman’s energy, and I’m going to make a generalization here, that men are used to asking for, even demanding, women’s energy and receiving it. It’s historic, habitual, and mostly unconscious.

But we know women are used to over-giving. And conversely, men are used to expecting a woman to continue to give. I invite you to be aware of this in your life and see what you notice. Where do you give your energy because it’s expected, but it doesn’t actually feel good to you? Maybe it’s sex, or picking up the phone when your brother is in crisis, or wanting your husband to be more emotionally aware.

This week alone, I encountered this twice, where men were wanting my emotional energy instead of going deep into their own process, which is what I call emotional labor. Twice this week! And I don’t even have a lot of active male social relationships anymore because I’m so aware of where my energy goes and I’ve stopped investing my time and efforts into elevating masculine consciousness. It’s not mine to do.

I actually had super messy energetics with men for a long time that looked really conscious in disguise. I would invest a lot of time and energy (two of my greatest resources) toward helping male friends and even acquaintances elevate their consciousness. In 2018, I invested time and wisdom writing articles for a men’s group, never getting paid, until I realized that I was only outputting energy and there wasn’t reciprocation or even deep appreciation. I have historically championed men and masculinity so much that I was sometimes investing more energy into motivating men than men were investing in themselves. (Okay, this happened a lot.)

Why would I do this? Well, it’s the same reason we all do it.

We’re hoping, as women, that if we put our energy into men, that men will elevate. We love them and we’re hoping that they’ll be motivated into their masculinity if we put energy into leading him there. We hope that they will see their potential, take us deeper, be able to lead us.

But this never works. Doing this emotional labor for a man actually never works to elevate the man – which is our heart’s hope and intention.

Now that I understand energy, conscious feminine & masculine, and sovereign energetics much more deeply, I can see that a woman investing her energy into a man who is emotionally collapsed, or doing what’s called “emotionally laboring” for a man, actually never motivates him.

If a man is “collapsed,” or isn’t realizing an aspect of his personal power, consciousness, or masculinity, and he looks to a woman to assuage his feelings, and she gives it, this is called emotional labor. Or, if you care more than your man cares. Or, if you’re giving energy, feeling depleted, and not getting anything in return. The historic and perpetual depletion in women is often caused by emotional labor. You’re giving your energy, time, and valuable resources in a way where you’re trying to do his emotional or evolutionary work for him.

Back to why this never works.

A man who is asking for this kind of energy from a woman almost always has an active mother wound (I can’t think of another reason why he’d do this). He yearns for access to the deep energetics of the sacred feminine, and the Mother of creation. It’s his work to do to find this relationship with the divine, and when he does, his masculinity will elevate in the presence of that relationship. A man with an integrated relationship to the Divine Feminine or Holy Mother will not need a woman to emotionally labor for him. Because he’s met by the eternal feminine.

But most men don’t yet know this. And leading a man to this place is really never a woman’s to do. Actually her refusal to try to get him to go there potentially his greatest motivator to actually to there.

So what does a woman do to stop emotionally laboring?

  1. She needs to stop giving him the energy of the mother, the metaphorical “mother’s breast” of nurturance, and the emotional energy.
  2. She needs to be aware of where her time & energy go, track it, and value it more. A modern woman serious about her evolution doesn’t have time to waste on trying to convince a man of anything.
  3. She needs to expand her relationship with the divine masculine, the eternal masculine, the Holy Father. (This is big work and requires great devotion.)
  4. When she has this energy integrated, she’ll be running the masculine current through her body and energy system. She will feel much more whole and complete in herself and through her relationship to the divine. This is where it gets juicy, because this is where she actually starts to *activate the man.*
  5. When a woman is in sovereign energetics (all of the above), she doesn’t need to ask a man to be anything for her, or do anything for her. She’s cleaned up her own distortions of what she needs from men, and she’s essentially good to go. So with this amazing integration in her system, she can hold a new energetic and invite him to participate in relating differently. If she is not speaking to the collapsed places in him, he will notice that she is no longer giving that her effort. When she does this consciousness work, he will automatically begin to activate and elevate. He will notice what she positively responds to, and this is enough that he will begin to change his behavior. This is the law of energetics and it must happen.

You don’t have to do anything *for* a man to get him to change. You have to follow your path, and he will naturally activate. Or, he won’t, and then you will move on.

Women have been orienting toward men and asking men to become more conscious, and yet, that actually gives energy toward a “fallen masculine.” He doesn’t have to be stronger if you’re giving him your energy as is.

I was recently explaining this to a client, and she said, “Oh no! The women have to activate the men?!” She was essentially saying, “We have to do more emotional labor?!”

I said, “No, actually, this is far less work. This is hands off. This is cultivating your evolution and sovereign energy, giving his distortion less or no attention whatsoever, and then watching for how he starts to notice and activate into an energetic match to you. Then give him attention when you see more of what you know he’s capable of. Less attention and emotional labor for the collapsed energy, and all of the natural attraction and affirmation when you see him naturally activating.”

So actually being more sovereign in your energy, and activating him in this new way, is *less work* than emotional laboring ever was.

With much, much greater results.

There are two ways to learn more about this & receive my direct support:

  1. Private mentorships for high-powered, conscious women.
  2. Conscious Couples Coaching for the two of you together.

Lower masculine is not the destroyer, but it can be.

With so many women angry at men and with so many women lumping together “masculine” with “patriarchy,” I felt it time to address this.

With so many women angry at men, with so many women who have been harmed by men and patriarchy, and with so many women lumping together “masculine” with “patriarchy,” I felt it time to address this.

I am going to use my own vocabulary to explain this, so please first allow me to define the terms I’m using.

Patriarchy: System of oppression that hijacked feminine energy (including the life force of indigenous people and people of color) and utilized that stolen energy for its own gain. It is a system of destruction, which I say without emotion. I’m simply stating the energetics. Patriarchy is a taker system.

Lower masculine: This is the primarily unconscious and default masculinity in a patriarchy that lives for power, greed, consumption, and its sense of provision and protection are absent or collapsed. Imagine it’s like the opposite of a Kingly masculine like King Arthur embodied. The lower masculine is present in men – for example men that want to feed off of a woman’s life force energy, men that want to have the power and control, or men that don’t have a sense of provisional capacity to care for women and children and they spend a lot of time feeling like a victim to women. But lower masculine can also be present in women, in organizations, in everyone, because everyone (and every organization, every system) has both feminine and masculine energetics.

Destroyer: This is my term for the dark energy that wants to take from the feminine, from women, from Earth, and from holistic systems. This energy wants to prevent the evolution of consciousness that would include true community values and equal distribution of resources. This energy, in my opinion, fueled patriarchy and we wouldn’t have patriarchy as it stands without it. Patriarchy was successful because of the taker energy, but resulting in massive separation and a depletion of the feminine energetic.

Can lower masculine also include the destroyer energetic? It can, but it is not always true – which is nuanced and the point of this article.

When a woman has been hurt by systems of oppression in her life, for example at work, and she looks around and sees men in suits, and women in pantsuits emulating the men, and she feels targeted by this, she may think to herself and draw the conclusion that, “Men perpetuate destroyer energetics.” But then she can look at the systems, at the fact that women also participate in these destroyer systems, and she can find examples of men who seem to want to help rather than hurt, and she’d have to admit that these two are not one and the same. Equating men with destroyer is actually irresponsible and limiting on the part of women. It limits men’s capacity and is unkind.

Lower masculine can be a destroyer. It can be out for itself and be maliciously willing to take another’s energy (or Earth energy). But it can also be more innocent. It’s still unconscious, so I’m not making excuses or letting it completely off the hook, but unconscious lower masculine behaviors look different. A man can want too much of a woman’s attention, he can put a woman above fulfilling his purpose in the world and find himself lost, or he can avoid his own quest for consciousness in favor of the emotional reinforcement he gets from women in his life, but while this is unconscious and “lower masculine,” it doesn’t make him a destroyer. It can also deplete women’s energy, which feels destructive, but it’s not malicious. Dealing with unconscious lower masculine energetics as a woman is different than a strategy to deal with destroyer energetics. This is nuanced and women may reach out to me privately with their individual situations and questions, which I can answer in private mentorships or in my membership.

A man operating in lower masculine is operating in taker energetics – yes, somewhat, but more because he hasn’t resolved the Mother Wound than anything else. This man is not overtaken by the dark of the Destroyer.

What it looks like when the Destroyer overtakes a man is when a man is in an ego-identification (unconscious) and something within his unresolved ego personality gets triggered. He gets angry about it, maybe has a defensive tendency. Maybe someone in his life asked him to take accountability for something he’s not ready to look at. And instead of allowing himself to see this as an opportunity for his own integration and advancement, he actually attacks the person or system that is trying to get him to look at himself. It’s like a little devil destroyer energy close by says, “Look, he’s susceptible to taking on our energy. Let’s infiltrate.” Or, the man is overtaken by greed, the quest for power, the willingness to destroy the feminine, to dominate to preserve the ego, and the like. A primary doorway for the Destroyer to get into men is also through their avoidant addictions. This leaves his energy body open and susceptible to dark attack.

Can the Destroyer also enter into women or any human? Yes.

Is the Destroyer the equivalent of man or even lower masculinity? No. But it is the equivalent of patriarchy, by definition of patriarchy being a system that perpetually attempts to establish dominion.

Just because a man is unconscious does not make him a destroyer. Women would do well to distinguish this, because you do not need to have so much fear. When we understand these nuances, we can not fear the blanket “masculine” and discern where to draw boundaries, where to support, where to stay in our lane. There are plenty of ways for women to relate to both lower masculine and the destroyer energetic that set them free instead of lock them into these energetics as truth. These do not have to be energetics that you even associate with, except to know your sovereign stance in reference to it.

Lastly, let’s define, for consideration, two more terms:

Conscious Masculinity: The decision to turn the inherited patterns from patriarchy and unconscious/lower masculine into conscious masculine behaviors. This requires much inner excavation and soul reclamation. It requires commitment on the part of men to look at where they sink down low into destroyer or lower masculine tendencies for attention, love, to secure resources, etc. It requires leadership to forge a new paradigm of masculinity that can be trusted and emulated into the future. And, yes, all humans are responsible for their own inner aspect of conscious masculinity. As a cis-gendered woman, I too am responsible for excavating my own inner masculine and continually bringing forth conscious masculine patterns through my actions as well.

Sacred Masculine: This is a very misused term, in my opinion, because many want to apply this to men themselves. The Sacred Masculine is the perfection of the Holy Masculine – the Yang, the Shiva, the Holy Father of Creation. These are pristine energetics that we can reference through archetypes. No doubt, these archetypal templates are activating guides on our path as humans. And, while humans are of course sacred, humans are not archetypes of the sacred. To me, the Archetype of the Holy Father (I’m not referencing religion, but rather the Father of Creation) is pure perfection, and I wouldn’t expect any one person or man to embody it fully. Not as modern day humans with so much confusion and distortion – it’s impossible to be a perfected archetype. And, that’s not the point. The point is to reference the supreme Sacred Masculine archetype as guidance, to invite this template to be an activation in the psyche, and to quest toward integrating the shadow and ego personality toward the sacred expression of masculinity.

I don’t expect men to be perfect emanations of the sacred masculine. I do expect men to become conscious of lower masculine, integrate and heal their Mother Wounding, be as conscious as possible, and not only do I expect men to not perpetuate the Destroyer energetic, I expect men to help set it straight as they embody their warrior nature in preservation and protection of all that is innocent, and that which has been oppressed.

And I expect men to disarm the Destroyer alongside conscious women, if not more so. When men recognize the destroyer for what it is and rise into conscious masculinity, the destroyer will be far less powerful and systems of oppression will lose quite a bit of power.

There is sacred, holy power in masculinity. It should not be cut down, diminished, or lumped with the destroyer.

Conscious Love Relationships

A couple came to me a few months ago wanting to take their relationship through a repeating, trauma pattern to conscious love.

A couple came to me a few months ago wanting to take their relationship through a repeating, traumatized pattern to conscious love.

I love this goal of conscious love. I asked them what conscious love meant to them. And, what we found was that while they wanted it, it was difficult for them to explain it, or even know what to ask for.

“Maybe we’ll know it when we get there…?”

When you’re in the repeating, looping patterns inside of a relationship, you don’t quite see how to get out of them. You don’t quite see how to make the unconscious conscious, which is what needs to happen.

Hint: it’s usually not about the communication.

How couples typically try to go through these trauma-looping patterns is to talk about it, to rationalize it, in endless, long, laborious, not-fun conversations. But the material isn’t rational, that’s why you’re stuck. And that’s why the conversations aren’t moving the dial on the actual issue.

The stuff of what keeps a relationship looping is the stuff of the deep subconscious. What you’ve wanted from love in the past but didn’t get. Or how you say you want love, but you stay self-protected and avoiding depth. These are just two examples.

But there is actually massive opportunity in these exact places of confusion – inside the blind spots. And you may think me some kind of freak that I get excited about the opportunity inside of chaos, but as a conscious couples coach, I do get very excited about this. Being willing to go there is a significant aspect of conscious love. And, the exact place that is driving you crazy in your relationship has the capacity not only to reveal the deepest truth about each of you, but also to actually help you discover conscious love.

If a couple chooses to walk to move through a deeply stuck situation, through exactly the places that they want to avoid, blame, rationalize, or run away, and if they can stay with the triggers and learn to presence with one another, they will find that they are actually learning conscious love.

It starts with developing abiding presence.

When I work with a couple, I teach them how to presence with one another – how to notice the contraction or expansion in their bodies, how to notice their breath, how to honor the truth of the moment for themselves and not get lost to their partner or pressure.

I teach couples how to stay conscious in the moment, so that their relationship can become a conscious relationship longterm.

Conscious love sounds like an amazing idea but it may also sound pressuring to some. It doesn’t require a lot of spiritual knowledge or the transcendence of all of your flaws, as the words may imply.

What actually is required is the willingness to stick with even a difficult moment, to learn about yourselves, and to be with what is, in any given moment. If you are willing to do these things, you can have a conscious relationship that evolves over time. You can have a relationship that takes you deeper into connection and intimacy in the body and beyond.

Anyone can have a conscious love relationship. It just requires the adjustment of some skills.

You will discover and define what Conscious Love means to you in your relationship – once you can see the possibility.

For the couple I mentioned, their definition evolved to include the following: full acceptance of the other without judgement, active masculine feminine polarity, breathing together regularly, learning from one another, trusting one another fully and trusting the divine more, surrender, conscious love making and intimacy, greater connection, authentic desire, and more.

I take couples through the stuck point of habitual trauma and into established, conscious love. Learn more and schedule a consultation at www.sarahpoet.com/consciousrelating.

THREE ORGANIZATIONAL VALUES THAT HELP MITIGATE GENDER BIAS

Gender Equity does not have to be a scary topic. It does not have to be a finger-pointing topic. We all have bias and we all have something to gain when we get curious and vulnerable about one another’s experiences.

Post originally published in Equity Over Everything Magazine Oct 2021

Have you ever been in that awkward work situation at work where you thought, “This has more to do with gender than anyone here is willing to admit!?” You may be unsure how to bring up the issues you see, exactly what to say, or what will happen if you do speak up.

If so, you’re not alone.

We are in a post-#metoo era, with trans and non-binary identities on the rise, and issue of gender is only sure to get more interesting in the coming years. Organizations will need to innovate their value and skill sets in order to meet what is coming.

Whether or not women earn equal pay is no longer the extent of gender equity conversation. In my opinion, we need to talk about the complex pressures and stereotypes put on men just as much as we need to talk about women’s rights.

All people need safe spaces to voice concerns and have innovative conversations without the fear of losing their job for speaking out. HR is often the place where gender equity concerns get funneled, and often attempts to mitigate risk and avoid sexual harassment claims end badly.

I actually had this happen, personally. I took a legitimate concern to HR and it was handled very poorly.

As the only female member of a leadership team, women in the organization were coming to me to express their sense that there was gender bias against women. I had also experienced strange events such as when I was publicly shamed and made to apologize to a male employee. While the company handbook never would have condoned outright bias, women, myself included, were noticing some evidence of bias.

I decided to address the issues so that we could improve the organization. When I formally brought these concerns forward, there was never a direct conversation. I was funneled quickly to HR, offered a severance package, and asked not to speak to anyone.

It was scary for me, and years later, I see now that it was very scary for the organization as well. Well-intended people were afraid, and they chose to get me out the door instead of having an authentic and vulnerable conversation. As Brené Brown says in Dare To Lead, they didn’t know how to “rumble with vulnerability.”

Unfortunately, I don’t believe my situation is unique. I heard of another example just last week. I share here in order to highlight the need for a different way, beyond the standard, non-relational HR attempts at mitigating employee concern as liability. Such concerns are actually an invitation for an organization to evolve and meet the changing and diverse needs of these times.

I am passionate about innovative leadership. In a changing world, the most innovative leaders will not exhibit a need to have it all figured out. Rather, they will bring vulnerability, right action, and curiosity to their organizations, leading by example.

VULNERABILITY: In a post #metoo era, the need for vulnerability is greater than ever. If we maintain that everyone must already know all of the answers, there is simply no way to improve. We must be able to admit what we do not know, what we do not understand, where our mistrust gets triggered, and where we do not feel able to speak up. We must create cultures that model the ethic of healthy vulnerability from top levels of leadership.

RIGHT ACTION: The most innovative leaders will hear from the people in their organizations, and take action based on what is good for the whole. I am in no way advocating that workplaces decrease productivity by focusing on emotional processes. But leaders who are willing to get real with their employees will ask for real feedback to affect needed change through effective right action, improving employee relations and organizational health.

CURIOSITY: I worked at a charter school that championed character development, and one of the primary teachings was of “curiosity and courage.” These two go hand in hand. Let’s be willing to get curious about others’ experiences – men, women, & non-binary – so that we can lead with the courage to be compassionate and relatable.

Gender Equity does not have to be a scary topic. It does not have to be a finger-pointing topic. We all have bias and we all have something to gain when we get curious and vulnerable about one another’s experiences. I believe that we can safely learn about the experiences of others and to create safe and optimal workplace environments for all.

Sarah Poet, M.Ed is a thought leader in gender equity, feminine & masculine leadership, and authentic relationships. She offers mediation and leadership training services to organizations looking to innovate gender equity practices. You can learn more and contact her at www.sarahpoet.com/reconciliation.

How a woman heals her relationship to the masculine.

Healing the relationship with the inner & divine masculine is the foundation of our own inner safety, provision, space holding, and discernment.

Last weekend, while hiking in the very cold woods with my pup, I listened to an interview I did with Artemis Rose for her Embody U Podcast. She asked me to come on her show and talk about how a woman heals her relationship to the masculine.

I actually really love this topic. As she says, it’s not talked about enough. But, I do think that it is some of the most crucial work a woman will ever do on herself.

Women often want something from men and judge men for not being able to give it to them.

Or, we spend a lot of time and energy looking for a man that embodies certain characteristics.

No doubt, we are doing what’s called “projecting” our inner, unmet needs of the masculine onto men. It’s very common to do that in our culture, especially as women have been oppressed as a gender for a long time. In the psyches of women, we are very hungry to know and be in relationship with the “sacred masculine.” But what does that mean?

It starts within.

Listen to the episode HERE. This is an important transmission.

Artemis writes, “In today’s episode, Sarah dives deep into a discussion around healing our relationship with the masculine (our own inner masculine, men, and our relationship with God).

How do all of these relate to embodying who we truly are? How does this relate to the feminine? You must listen. She does a beautiful job of simplifying, defining, and articulating how our sacred remembrance rests on the Truth of us diving deep within to reclaim both the sacred feminine and masculine for our own homecoming and inner union.

However, in this episode, she focuses on how important it is to see our relationship with God and our inner masculine as being the foundation and sustenance of our own inner safety, provision, space holding, and discernment.”

To access the Modern Women’s Pathway to Feminine / Masculine Reunification, CLICK HERE.

Boys Will Be Men: Thoughts on the Mother Complex

We want our sons to grow into conscious men. As women, how we nurture conscious masculinity through an awareness of the Mother Complex is important.

My son turned thirteen yesterday, and as a mother I find that I need to consciously acclimate to his growth and increased maturity – it’s not necessarily natural for me to do that. 

For example, sometimes I’m checking up on him in a habitual way and he’ll just let me know, “Hey, you don’t need to do that anymore.” He gets older, has reached another milestone or level of consciousness, and I seem to catch on after the fact. I imagine I’m not the only mother to experience this. 

The ideal is to allow his growth and individuation into Self to guide his journey – and NOT to interrupt that with my own complexes about what I might want him to be, notions of “you’re growing up too fast,” or any limitation that I might subconsciously place on him as he becomes a man. 

I want to talk here about certain responsibilities that mothers have to their sons that are far less talked about, and sometimes less easy to spot unless you’re being super self-aware. 

We want our sons to grow into conscious men. We want them to respect women, honor the elders, think for themselves, be leaders, own their emotions, be balanced, ask to help, etc. 

We want those things of our next generation of men, and yet, as women, how we nurture those things is extraordinarily important. 

There are things that are invisible to him that I absolutely need to be conscious to not perpetuate and project onto him. For example, the frustration I feel for his father not modeling more respect toward me, and how when he reminds me of his father, I need to not react with all my baggage attached. 

If I want to help raise a new generation of men, and I do, then it’s my responsibility to see him differently. To allow him to become something different. 

And the number one way that women and mothers unintentionally block their sons from truly becoming who they are, and becoming the next generation of men, is to project old experiences of other men onto our sons. 

To hold what their fathers or our fathers did over our son. To be so identified with our wounding that we don’t even notice that our disdain for another man is coming through the tone or words we point at our growing child. 

I’d like to think I’m pretty good at this. I studied adolescent development in my education career, working primarily with adolescents and specifically with male adolescents for many years. The development of the male psyche fascinated me and still does. I know that a man’s relationship with his mother affects all subsequent relationships with women and the feminine for his entire life. 

But am I still a woman who is diligently shedding layer by layer of old programming about “men” and “women” myself? I sure am. I’m not perfect. And sometimes I get mad at him when he reminds me of his father. What I try to do is catch it, breathe with it, separate the two, ask questions, clarify intention, and heal my own emotions that are still able to get triggered where his father is concerned. Or other men, for that matter. I am a woman who has encountered a lot of various unhealthy dynamics with men, as we all have, and yet it is my responsibility to not be a victim to that. If I am a victim to that, my son would feel it and actually begin to take it on as his responsibility.

When I carry any victim energy regarding any men, I’ll unconsciously project that onto my son. Am I sharing this to make myself look bad? No, I’m sharing it to own it so that we can normalize that it happens if we’re not careful, and that women, we can and should do something about preventing it.

As a mother, it is not my son’s job to ensure that my emotional needs are met. 

As a mother, it is my job to keep my emotions about personal disappointments with previous men OFF of my son. 

I recently had an opportunity to hold myself accountable. I was going through a layer of healing around the masculine – as per usual on my life path where I intend to integrate feminine and masculine as consciously as possible – and I recognized a feeling of frustration when my son was with me that I couldn’t put my finger on. 

I had to “live into” the question of what this was for a few days, and we both actually had energy healing sessions with a very powerful healer during this time period. After the sessions, I could see an emotional pattern where I was actually worried about my son’s approval and acceptance of me. Which, of course, had nothing to do with my son, and everything to do with how my subconscious was projecting onto this growing boy a shadow behavior that I have also pointed toward men in the past. (We can most often see the behavioral or energetic pattern when it is most ready to heal. And so in me becoming aware of it, it was also ready to heal overall, not just with my son.)

In other words, in putting a lot of effort out (as mothers and women do), I then wanted to be appreciated and recognized for that effort by this young masculine creature that is my son. Same thing I’ve done with men in the past, which is why I didn’t like the way I was feeling. As he was getting older, I was just subconsciously starting to behave in a shadow-pattern with him.

I wanted the assurance of the masculine, but that pattern wasn’t even who I am anymore. It was “coming up to heal” so that I could see it and stop it.

The truth is, my son does respect me. He does want to hang out with me, still, even though he’s now officially a teenager. He shares his authentic feelings with me. He loves his father and I equally. There’s actually not a problem with my son accepting me. I do NOT need to put that on him and make it his emotional responsibility to make me feel accepted.

This is now your opportunity to begin to self reflect on how you might do similar things. What do you want your son to prove to you that you’ve wanted men to prove to you?

When I get right with my internal relationship with the masculine, it improves my relationship with my son. I’m conscious AF and it still happens that I find myself projecting onto him sometimes – it’s tricky. 

If we want a new generation of masculine men who honor women, then let’s do our part to mitigate the Mother Complex in them, okay moms? Heal your masculine wounding. Get clear on what you want from the masculine and do the work to heal and integrate this. The answer wasn’t ever in a man, and it’s certainly not in your son. The answer is actually in YOUR right relationship to the masculine beginning with you. And, in how healed your inner feminine is of its own wounding.

As I know the masculine energy in my life and as I heal the wounds of the past due to unconscious masculine and feminine interaction, I become more conscious, more whole, more solid. And as I do that, I actually give my son more space to be him, to grow into who he is becoming, with hopefully very little baggage from me. If I handle my own baggage, he has less to carry with him into adulthood.

Where are you asking your sons to carry what is not theirs? Where are you passing on a wounded inheritance to him of ideas like, “Mom is mad at men” or “I have to be super sensitive around mom because other men have disappointed her?” 

They will be good men. They are more equipped to be so when we allow them to become, rather than expecting them to atone for the generations that came before them. 

This is conscious feminine leadership in right motherhood, women, and it’s ours to do.

Schedule a consultation with me if I can be of support to you in your conscious feminine leadership / motherhood journey.

Recommended Reading: Mothers, Sons, & Lovers by Michael Gurian.

Caption: I am a mother first. My soul chose to raise this boy and I am so grateful that I get to travel this Earth with him. He is my greatest teacher and joy. I even enthusiastically wear Harry Potter t-shirts because it’s his jam. 😉

Devotion + CoCreation = Receptivity

I have spent a lot of time observing the energetics of healthy feminine flow and the masculine action in life and business. I have taught a lot of women about how to redefine and balance these archetypes in their lives. We need both

Long ago, women learned to be productive. We learned to hustle. We learned that our perceived value was tied to how much we got done. And, we learned that we’d have to carry a really big load, and so it was just best to get used to it. 

Women often have a difficult time taking time for themselves, or resting, or they end of feeling guilty about choosing to stop when there are still things on the to-do list. Every woman knows this feeling. 

A few years ago, I started a “soul-aligned” business. Meaning it is a business of calling, of purpose. In such a business, there is a lot of emotional learning and learning about oneself. You can’t, of course, live your purpose and not have to stand in some fire in preparation for what you’re called to do. 

I have spent a lot of time observing the energetics of healthy feminine flow and the masculine action in life and business. I have taught a lot of women about how to redefine and balance these archetypes in their lives. We need both – we can’t just sit around and flow all day, or we wouldn’t actually have a business at all. And, women I see in my practice want to lead their lives and businesses with a healthy masculine, replacing the old, outdated patriarchal hustle. 

This is a great idea, but it is hard to do. 

I’ve been hearing a lot of women, myself included, redefining “productivity” lately. I like this solution. There’s both healthy and unhealthy aspects to productivity. 

I like feeling productive. I like crossing things off the to-do list. I know about my business that if I leave energetics messy – such as not sending invoices or typing clients notes, hence making myself overwhelmed – that the business doesn’t run and money doesn’t come in. So it’s not possible to abandon “doing” altogether, nor do I think any of us really want to. Even if we’re reclaiming the feminine archetype and the inherent right we have to slow down and rest when it’s called for, we don’t want to abandon action. 

It’s the quality of the action, the “doing,”  that I want to encourage us to look at. This is what I’ve been contemplating lately. 

In 2022, a group of us started Structure & Flow, and this energy optimization system asks you to pick words that anchor you to your desire. These words symbolize what you’re focusing on and how you want to feel. These are the “why” for any action we take, so that we are taking aligned action. 

My words are devotional, co-creative, receptive. 

Essentially, what I want to do daily is to maintain a devotional practice. Inside of that devotional practice, I get insights, excitement, clarity, and motivation. (That’s the feminine, by the way – taking the time to pause and listen.) Devotion often also involves movement for me in an embodied feminine practice. Going to the yoga mat, improvisational dance, candles and sensuality, taking a hike, or being on my meditation cushion. I intend for devotion to be a feminine practice. This is where I am being the muse, opening to hearing the divine, the sacred, the intuition, the soul. 

If I create that devotional space, the sacred will meet me there. 

And then, from there, I will have insight. 

And then I can “do” something with it, which is what I call “co-creation.” If I take action because I get an idea into my little head and then work to make it happen, I am in productivity for productivity’s sake. If I listen to the wisdom that comes from devotional practice, my action becomes co-creation, a much higher quality action. 

As an entrepreneur, I have to take action. I actually love action and structure – both inherently masculine qualities. But through trial and error, I know that if I’m in the energy of productivity without devotion, I’m not actually making money. I’ll say that again.  If I am in an energetic of “I just have to get this done” productivity, I don’t make money, no matter how much effort I put behind it. 

And I know why that is. When the masculine takes action without consulting the feminine, as it did throughout patriarchy, the result is depletion – of the feminine, of resources, of options. Working without the feminine, or overriding the feminine, breeds more separation, and my business is just not allowed to generate income via productivity and hustle without the mutual energetics of healthy feminine/masculine integration. When the two are working in tandem, healthy energetics regenerate, including money. 

If I co-create through devotional practices, I do receive flow in my business, such as new clients and money. Things happen. I don’t have to worry. For example, people book consults out of the blue just when I have space. If I listen to the divine guidance, my life is moving forward in regenerative energetics (something I talked a lot about in 2021 on the Sacred Remembering Podcast and will talk about more again as I teach about prosperity in the Heartland.) 

So receptivity is the result of first devotion, then co-creation. 

No more acquiring resources through hustle. No more producing just to get paid. No more exchanging energy for perceived value. No more working tirelessly (producing) in order to secure less than what brings me joy. No more “doing” without satisfaction. 

The feminine is innately receptive. But “she” needs some sort of partnership with the masculine and this exchange needs to be healthy in order for her to begin to receive in new ways – i.e. without exhausting herself with productivity. We haven’t had healthy exchanges between feminine and masculine as our cultural norms, and so, we are establishing them now in our modern world. 


Journal on it: 

  1. Where are you in the energetic of hustle or productivity without divine guidance?
  2. What does feminine devotion look like to you? 
  3. How are you leading your life according to what you know is best for you instead of responding to what you have to do? 
  4. What is your relationship with your inner masculine? Does “he” push you to hustle, or does it respect your flow also? Is it strong and devoted also, or does it lie around lazily or struggle to set structure and follow through? How does your inner masculine support you?

To expand, first stabilize.

As I type this, I just removed a social media post that I originally thought was casual but really offended some people, which was not my intention and I found to be stressful. I was sorry that I’d caused others stress. I have a to-do list that I’d hoped to get through today but won’t. I’m tired and have a few hours of meetings left today. 

So instead of cramming all that out, before the next meeting, I brought my laptop to bed with some quiet music playing in the background, which pleases my nervous system very much, and decided to write on this topic that continues to arise for me lately, like a little whisper that comes into my ear at moments when I feel things spinning just slightly out of equilibrium. 

“Stabilize.” 

Stabilize the breath. Stabilize the moment. 

I’ve honestly been expanding quite a bit lately. I realize looking back that 2021 was a year where I chose more quiet, more family, fewer big choices. I had focus words during last year that included “resourced” and “sustainable,” because I’d really been looking so very closely at this thing of the depletion of feminine energy in my life that continued to sneak up on me just when I thought I’d figured it out. 

And as I said in a client call this morning, while talking about these anchoring words that hold our intentions for how we want to feel, what we intend to create, I feel I did experience “resourced” and “sustainable” energy last year in a beautiful way. And then, at the very end of the year, a friend gently called me out and told me it was time to expand. 

I had been worried about being out of integrity, charging too much for a program offering, trying to figure out how to offer lower pricing and still get paid what I needed to get paid, and he told me that I was playing small and afraid to charge what the offering was actually worth. I respect his reflection, and so I looked at it and began to listen to the audiobook suggestions he gave me, and long analysis short – he was right. I had become “resourced” and “sustained” but I now needed to expand, and expand what I am wiling to receive. (Read – the *goodness* I am willing to receive!) 

I like my family. I like my little life of structure & flow in daily entrepreneurship, I like my clients very much, I like walking my puppy and being a mother to my son. I like it. And 2021 was about recalibration. But now it is time to expand, and I’m ready. Expand the things I am willing to say (even if not everyone gets it or I do challenge some opinions), the number of people I reach, the impact I can have with my time on the planet. It’s time to expand what ceilings I assumed are over my head, expand my monthly minimum of what I’m willing to accept in my income (I learned this from the audiobook – it’s called an “energetic minimum” and this concept is awesome for me at this time), and expand my capacity to love more and more deeply. 

And it’s time for me to receive more, as a result of the expansion. 

This is inevitable, IF, and only if, I also “stabilize.” 

Many times, when coaching a client, I’ve talked about this rubber band effect in personal growth. We’re growing, and that’s like stretching a rubber band, but if you don’t stabilize, that rubber band will snap back into place. 

If we want a new normal, a new normal that is a growth edge for us, we have to stabilize when we stretch. 

Many times, I’ve gone after growth, but it wasn’t regulated into my nervous system by the time I quickly did the next thing, or got the next negative reaction, or experienced failure, and then *snap* – back to the start. 

The expansion can only actually happen if stabilized, and stabilized into the nervous system as well. To take more action on top of anxiousness or worry is absolutely destabilizing. We are working against ourselves in this sense. 

So, in this moment, I am stabilizing instead of thinking I just need to zoom to the next thing on the list. I’m writing, something that is to me like creating art, and I’m doing that to stabilize the moment. I’m not completely inactive, and sometimes I might just actually meditate or take a nap. What stabilizes us will not always be the same, from moment to moment or person to person. 

I regularly do an exercise called “The Class,” and in it you move your body quickly, activating a cardio response. And then, at the end of the song and the movement, they say “Hand on body, hand on chest,” and say to breathe and notice. This is stabilization in action. 

That is exactly one energetic example of what I’ve been working with regarding expansion – actually moving my body in a way that I break an energetic norm and cross a threshold into the new. Maybe I lift more weight for longer than I did the day before, or hold the breath in kundalini yoga for longer, or jump harder while doing The Class. And then I witness – “Ah, I can expand, and then I can stabilize.” 

When I’m working and creating, and I have bigger goals (which I do), I don’t get them done in anxiousness. I get them done in stability. 

When I’m parenting or training a puppy, I don’t get it done by being quick, short, or demanding. I do it by stabilizing the energy in our surroundings. 

When I’m working with clients, I’m stabilizing the space. That’s my job. 

Before, when I was writing, it was like they were all flying around at once and it was hard to see one piece of writing through. I now organize my ideas by first purposefully stabilizing.

Stabilize the moving parts. Stabilize the breath and the nervous system. This is how you increase your capacity – not by rushing, forcing, or multitasking. 

Energetically, we can become used to a certain capacity, like I did in 2021. Like we all do. And that capacity might even be working okay for us. But it might also be an excuse not to grow, and not to receive more of what we actually really want. 

I’m ready to expand. I’m ready to receive more, and in a way that the stretch doesn’t have to snap back. 

Are you? 

If you’d like to “Breathe to Receive” with me, that is the name of my next offering, coming mid January. In every way, we will stabilize through the breath to increase your capacity to receive. Ensure that you are on my mailing list at SarahPoet . com and check your emails for sign up information. 

Here’s to an expansive, and stable, 2022.

Stop shaming “wounded feminine.”

What is the wounded feminine that we would shame? It is a depleted feminine, but one that is in active identification with that depletion.

I’ve been thinking lately about how we shame the “wounded feminine.” Collectively, I sense that we do this, after we realize what the “wounded feminine” is, we shame the feminine for being wounded. 

What a patriarchal thing to do. 

But these expectations of the feminine live in each of us – that it be altogether nourishing, open, motherly, sacred, divine. That it be forever giving, endlessly available. You can check in with yourself about what your expectations of the feminine are – in yourself and in others. Also, your expectations of the Earth, as feminine, in her great resources. Do you expect it to be ever-available to you? 

Which brings me to my point – we have wounded the feminine. Yes, patriarchy as it consumed the feminine as the fuel for it’s machine, but also, every one of us has participated in this. 

We’ve simultaneously expected the feminine to be all things (the Mother), to be ever-resourced, to be available at any moment (the Whore), and then shamed the feminine for it’s depletion. 


What is the wounded feminine that we would shame? It is a depleted feminine, but one that is in active identification with that depletion. The wounded feminine has not yet realized how to become re-resourced. (Re-sourced.) 

The wounded feminine is often in victim consciousness, struggles to have enough money and resources, wants a rescue, becomes emotionally manipulative to get it’s needs met, and doesn’t see any way out of its own struggle. It doesn’t know who it is or how powerful it actually is. 

And instead of collectively saying, “Of course! Wounded feminine, I’m here for you! Let me help because I see that of course this would be the natural effect of thousands of years of raping and pillaging!” we instead shame it for ever being weak. For not being more “sacred.” For needing the masculine rescue, when we entrained it to need a masculine rescue. 

What is the medicine for the wounded feminine? Not a big strong masculine for it to further submit to. No. The medicine is love. Remembering its innate creative power. Remembering the holy cosmic union between masculine and feminine that was free of distortion in originality, before thousands of years of skewed understandings of disempowerment and power-over. 

Stop shaming the wounded feminine – in you, in everyone – which only serves to further deplete Her. Love Her up. Now more than ever. She’s on the rise and she needs your tender strength. 

Private coaching with Sarah Poet available here: https://www.sarahpoet.com/privatementorships

A letter to modern women

I IMAGINE YOU’VE BEEN FEELING LIKE YOU’RE LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE – THE ONE OTHERS CAN SEE AND THE ONE YOU KEEP QUIET FROM EVERYONE ELSE. YOU CRAVE MORE OF THE AUTHENTIC YOU, THE SPIRITUAL TRUTH, AND A LIFE OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING WHERE YOU GET TO BE MORE FREE, MORE ALIVE. 

I IMAGINE YOU’VE BEEN FEELING LIKE YOU’RE LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE – THE ONE OTHERS CAN SEE AND THE ONE YOU KEEP QUIET FROM EVERYONE ELSE.

YOU CRAVE MORE OF THE AUTHENTIC YOU, THE SPIRITUAL TRUTH, AND A LIFE OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING WHERE YOU GET TO BE MORE FREE, MORE ALIVE. 


Your heart aches to step more fully into the world you imagine is possible. You want to be fully you, everywhere. 

You want to know what “fully you” even means. You question whether or not this is for you, this life of authenticity, deep soul knowing, and flow – but something in you whispers, “Keep going. Keep walking toward it.” 

It feels like home – this You. 

I know that this modern world makes it pretty damn hard to be yourself. You were sold a story about how to make something of yourself, how to succeed, and you’ve been following those rules, but you haven’t reached fulfillment.

You’re likely sad and agitated and pissed for feeling you’ve wasted time. 

I assure you – you are right on time. 

You know there is a lot to uncover. You know it doesn’t have to be such a struggle to be yourself, to honor your heart, to love and to be loved. 

You want to speak your truth. You want to be courageous. You don’t want to be among the generations of women who couldn’t say or do or be who they wanted to be. 

You are so right. On all accounts. You are not weird or crazy, and you are just the right amount of “different” – because the world needs your difference. Your courage. Your unique perspective. Your passion. Your ideas. Your leadership – just by being who you are most meant to be.

The solutions to what the world needs are inside of modern women. I know and believe this entirely. The answers are inside of women, and inside of you.

There is a lot to uncover. This path – back to your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, energetic sovereignty – is a path packed with mystery, celebrations, reclamations, and WTF moments. This path is one soulful uncovering after another. It’s never done. And it always, ultimately, gets better. I want to help ensure that.

Your greatest hope is that you discover the true depth of who you are. 

My hope is that you find the truest, most sacred version of you. 

So here is my wish for you, love. That you listen to the whisper – the one that is getting louder. That you trust your radical, creative nature even when no one else around you understands. 

I am here for you on your journey, because my truth is that it is my joy, purpose, & mission to serve modern women, like you, waking up to the truth of who you are. 

I dimmed my light. Oh yes I did. I fought with myself about who I really was. Some days I still do. I was a double-master’s degree school principal and I was good at it. It didn’t make “logical” sense for me to walk away from the resumé I had built or the house I had bought. It didn’t make “sense” for me to follow my soul in the way that I have chosen to.

I was an accredited leadership professional and yet I knew that if I didn’t also honor the whole of myself, I wasn’t actually succeeding. So I followed my own calling, making many mistakes along the way – and all of the mistakes occurred when I mistrusted myself. And all of the glory-moments came when I listened to my own truth, my own calling – sometimes a whisper and sometimes a shout. 

But it is so worth it – this path of personal reclamation. Your energy is your own. Your relationship with what is holy is your own. (Yes, religious trauma is a thing, just like patriarchal trauma, emotional trauma, and money trauma are also real things. Your hunch is correct – it was not okay.) Your life is your own.

You get to be you. You wouldn’t be here otherwise. The world needs your gifts. The world needs your leadership. 

I will never tell you that this path will be a cake walk. We are changing the world with our courageous “yes” to ourselves as women awakening to the truth. Many will not want this current boat to be rocked, which will create resistance for you. And so my intention is that in this space, you have resources. You have community. You have safety and support and reminders that you are a sacred badass and then some. We are stronger together. 

WE ARE HERE TO GIVE OUR INTUITION VOICE. WE ARE HERE TO RECLAIM THE HEALTH OF EVERY CELL OF OUR BODIES. WE ARE HERE TO HONOR THE SACRED FEMININE RIGHT NEXT TO THE SACRED MASCULINE. WE ARE HERE TO BE AND DO AND LOVE IN THE BIGGEST WAYS THAT WOMEN EVER HAVE. WE ARE HERE TO LEAD – WITH HEART, WITH HOLISTIC PERSPECTIVE, WITH BALANCED KNOWING. 


The time is now. Yes, listen to your “yes.” Know you. Don’t ever stop. 

I look forward to meeting you, connecting with you, and honoring your path.

I am here for you!  

All my love, 

Sarah Poet