Sarah Poet - Sacred Remembering Blog

THREE ORGANIZATIONAL VALUES THAT HELP MITIGATE GENDER BIAS

Post originally published in Equity Over Everything Magazine Oct 2021

Have you ever been in that awkward work situation at work where you thought, “This has more to do with gender than anyone here is willing to admit!?” You may be unsure how to bring up the issues you see, exactly what to say, or what will happen if you do speak up.

If so, you’re not alone.

We are in a post-#metoo era, with trans and non-binary identities on the rise, and issue of gender is only sure to get more interesting in the coming years. Organizations will need to innovate their value and skill sets in order to meet what is coming.

Whether or not women earn equal pay is no longer the extent of gender equity conversation. In my opinion, we need to talk about the complex pressures and stereotypes put on men just as much as we need to talk about women’s rights.

All people need safe spaces to voice concerns and have innovative conversations without the fear of losing their job for speaking out. HR is often the place where gender equity concerns get funneled, and often attempts to mitigate risk and avoid sexual harassment claims end badly.

I actually had this happen, personally. I took a legitimate concern to HR and it was handled very poorly.

As the only female member of a leadership team, women in the organization were coming to me to express their sense that there was gender bias against women. I had also experienced strange events such as when I was publicly shamed and made to apologize to a male employee. While the company handbook never would have condoned outright bias, women, myself included, were noticing some evidence of bias.

I decided to address the issues so that we could improve the organization. When I formally brought these concerns forward, there was never a direct conversation. I was funneled quickly to HR, offered a severance package, and asked not to speak to anyone.

It was scary for me, and years later, I see now that it was very scary for the organization as well. Well-intended people were afraid, and they chose to get me out the door instead of having an authentic and vulnerable conversation. As Brené Brown says in Dare To Lead, they didn’t know how to “rumble with vulnerability.”

Unfortunately, I don’t believe my situation is unique. I heard of another example just last week. I share here in order to highlight the need for a different way, beyond the standard, non-relational HR attempts at mitigating employee concern as liability. Such concerns are actually an invitation for an organization to evolve and meet the changing and diverse needs of these times.

I am passionate about innovative leadership. In a changing world, the most innovative leaders will not exhibit a need to have it all figured out. Rather, they will bring vulnerability, right action, and curiosity to their organizations, leading by example.

VULNERABILITY: In a post #metoo era, the need for vulnerability is greater than ever. If we maintain that everyone must already know all of the answers, there is simply no way to improve. We must be able to admit what we do not know, what we do not understand, where our mistrust gets triggered, and where we do not feel able to speak up. We must create cultures that model the ethic of healthy vulnerability from top levels of leadership.

RIGHT ACTION: The most innovative leaders will hear from the people in their organizations, and take action based on what is good for the whole. I am in no way advocating that workplaces decrease productivity by focusing on emotional processes. But leaders who are willing to get real with their employees will ask for real feedback to affect needed change through effective right action, improving employee relations and organizational health.

CURIOSITY: I worked at a charter school that championed character development, and one of the primary teachings was of “curiosity and courage.” These two go hand in hand. Let’s be willing to get curious about others’ experiences – men, women, & non-binary – so that we can lead with the courage to be compassionate and relatable.

Gender Equity does not have to be a scary topic. It does not have to be a finger-pointing topic. We all have bias and we all have something to gain when we get curious and vulnerable about one another’s experiences. I believe that we can safely learn about the experiences of others and to create safe and optimal workplace environments for all.

Sarah Poet, M.Ed is a thought leader in gender equity, feminine & masculine leadership, and authentic relationships. She offers mediation and leadership training services to organizations looking to innovate gender equity practices. You can learn more and contact her at www.sarahpoet.com/reconciliation.

How a woman heals her relationship to the masculine.

Healing the relationship with the inner & divine masculine is the foundation of our own inner safety, provision, space holding, and discernment.

Last weekend, while hiking in the very cold woods with my pup, I listened to an interview I did with Artemis Rose for her Embody U Podcast. She asked me to come on her show and talk about how a woman heals her relationship to the masculine.

I actually really love this topic. As she says, it’s not talked about enough. But, I do think that it is some of the most crucial work a woman will ever do on herself.

Women often want something from men and judge men for not being able to give it to them.

Or, we spend a lot of time and energy looking for a man that embodies certain characteristics.

No doubt, we are doing what’s called “projecting” our inner, unmet needs of the masculine onto men. It’s very common to do that in our culture, especially as women have been oppressed as a gender for a long time. In the psyches of women, we are very hungry to know and be in relationship with the “sacred masculine.” But what does that mean?

It starts within.

Listen to the episode HERE. This is an important transmission.

Artemis writes, “In today’s episode, Sarah dives deep into a discussion around healing our relationship with the masculine (our own inner masculine, men, and our relationship with God).

How do all of these relate to embodying who we truly are? How does this relate to the feminine? You must listen. She does a beautiful job of simplifying, defining, and articulating how our sacred remembrance rests on the Truth of us diving deep within to reclaim both the sacred feminine and masculine for our own homecoming and inner union.

However, in this episode, she focuses on how important it is to see our relationship with God and our inner masculine as being the foundation and sustenance of our own inner safety, provision, space holding, and discernment.”

To access the Modern Women’s Pathway to Feminine / Masculine Reunification, CLICK HERE.

Boys Will Be Men: Thoughts on the Mother Complex

We want our sons to grow into conscious men. As women, how we nurture conscious masculinity through an awareness of the Mother Complex is important.

My son turned thirteen yesterday, and as a mother I find that I need to consciously acclimate to his growth and increased maturity – it’s not necessarily natural for me to do that.

For example, sometimes I’m checking up on him in a habitual way and he’ll just let me know, “Hey, you don’t need to do that anymore.” He gets older, has reached another milestone or level of consciousness, and I seem to catch on after the fact. I imagine I’m not the only mother to experience this.

The ideal is to allow his growth and individuation into Self to guide his journey – and NOT to interrupt that with my own complexes about what I might want him to be, notions of “you’re growing up too fast,” or any limitation that I might subconsciously place on him as he becomes a man.

I want to talk here about certain responsibilities that mothers have to their sons that are far less talked about, and sometimes less easy to spot unless you’re being super self-aware.

We want our sons to grow into conscious men. We want them to respect women, honor the elders, think for themselves, be leaders, own their emotions, be balanced, ask to help, etc.

We want those things of our next generation of men, and yet, as women, how we nurture those things is extraordinarily important.

There are things that are invisible to him that I absolutely need to be conscious to not perpetuate and project onto him. For example, the frustration I feel for his father not modeling more respect toward me, and how when he reminds me of his father, I need to not react with all my baggage attached.

If I want to help raise a new generation of men, and I do, then it’s my responsibility to see him differently. To allow him to become something different.

And the number one way that women and mothers unintentionally block their sons from truly becoming who they are, and becoming the next generation of men, is to project old experiences of other men onto our sons.

To hold what their fathers or our fathers did over our son. To be so identified with our wounding that we don’t even notice that our disdain for another man is coming through the tone or words we point at our growing child.

I’d like to think I’m pretty good at this. I studied adolescent development in my education career, working primarily with adolescents and specifically with male adolescents for many years. The development of the male psyche fascinated me and still does. I know that a man’s relationship with his mother affects all subsequent relationships with women and the feminine for his entire life.

But am I still a woman who is diligently shedding layer by layer of old programming about “men” and “women” myself? I sure am. I’m not perfect. And sometimes I get mad at him when he reminds me of his father. What I try to do is catch it, breathe with it, separate the two, ask questions, clarify intention, and heal my own emotions that are still able to get triggered where his father is concerned. Or other men, for that matter. I am a woman who has encountered a lot of various unhealthy dynamics with men, as we all have, and yet it is my responsibility to not be a victim to that. If I am a victim to that, my son would feel it and actually begin to take it on as his responsibility.

When I carry any victim energy regarding any men, I’ll unconsciously project that onto my son. Am I sharing this to make myself look bad? No, I’m sharing it to own it so that we can normalize that it happens if we’re not careful, and that women, we can and should do something about preventing it.

As a mother, it is not my son’s job to ensure that my emotional needs are met.

As a mother, it is my job to keep my emotions about personal disappointments with previous men OFF of my son.

I recently had an opportunity to hold myself accountable. I was going through a layer of healing around the masculine – as per usual on my life path where I intend to integrate feminine and masculine as consciously as possible – and I recognized a feeling of frustration when my son was with me that I couldn’t put my finger on.

I had to “live into” the question of what this was for a few days, and we both actually had energy healing sessions with a very powerful healer during this time period. After the sessions, I could see an emotional pattern where I was actually worried about my son’s approval and acceptance of me. Which, of course, had nothing to do with my son, and everything to do with how my subconscious was projecting onto this growing boy a shadow behavior that I have also pointed toward men in the past. (We can most often see the behavioral or energetic pattern when it is most ready to heal. And so in me becoming aware of it, it was also ready to heal overall, not just with my son.)

In other words, in putting a lot of effort out (as mothers and women do), I then wanted to be appreciated and recognized for that effort by this young masculine creature that is my son. Same thing I’ve done with men in the past, which is why I didn’t like the way I was feeling. As he was getting older, I was just subconsciously starting to behave in a shadow-pattern with him.

I wanted the assurance of the masculine, but that pattern wasn’t even who I am anymore. It was “coming up to heal” so that I could see it and stop it.

The truth is, my son does respect me. He does want to hang out with me, still, even though he’s now officially a teenager. He shares his authentic feelings with me. He loves his father and I equally. There’s actually not a problem with my son accepting me. I do NOT need to put that on him and make it his emotional responsibility to make me feel accepted.

This is now your opportunity to begin to self reflect on how you might do similar things. What do you want your son to prove to you that you’ve wanted men to prove to you?

When I get right with my internal relationship with the masculine, it improves my relationship with my son. I’m conscious AF and it still happens that I find myself projecting onto him sometimes – it’s tricky.

If we want a new generation of masculine men who honor women, then let’s do our part to mitigate the Mother Complex in them, okay moms? Heal your masculine wounding. Get clear on what you want from the masculine and do the work to heal and integrate this. The answer wasn’t ever in a man, and it’s certainly not in your son. The answer is actually in YOUR right relationship to the masculine beginning with you. And, in how healed your inner feminine is of its own wounding.

As I know the masculine energy in my life and as I heal the wounds of the past due to unconscious masculine and feminine interaction, I become more conscious, more whole, more solid. And as I do that, I actually give my son more space to be him, to grow into who he is becoming, with hopefully very little baggage from me. If I handle my own baggage, he has less to carry with him into adulthood.

Where are you asking your sons to carry what is not theirs? Where are you passing on a wounded inheritance to him of ideas like, “Mom is mad at men” or “I have to be super sensitive around mom because other men have disappointed her?”

They will be good men. They are more equipped to be so when we allow them to become, rather than expecting them to atone for the generations that came before them.

This is conscious feminine leadership in right motherhood, women, and it’s ours to do.

Schedule a consultation with me if I can be of support to you in your conscious feminine leadership / motherhood journey.

Recommended Reading: Mothers, Sons, & Lovers by Michael Gurian.

Caption: I am a mother first. My soul chose to raise this boy and I am so grateful that I get to travel this Earth with him. He is my greatest teacher and joy. I even enthusiastically wear Harry Potter t-shirts because it’s his jam. 😉

Devotion + CoCreation = Receptivity

Long ago, women learned to be productive. We learned to hustle. We learned that our perceived value was tied to how much we got done. And, we learned that we’d have to carry a really big load, and so it was just best to get used to it.

Women often have a difficult time taking time for themselves, or resting, or they end of feeling guilty about choosing to stop when there are still things on the to-do list. Every woman knows this feeling.

A few years ago, I started a “soul-aligned” business. Meaning it is a business of calling, of purpose. In such a business, there is a lot of emotional learning and learning about oneself. You can’t, of course, live your purpose and not have to stand in some fire in preparation for what you’re called to do.

I have spent a lot of time observing the energetics of healthy feminine flow and the masculine action in life and business. I have taught a lot of women about how to redefine and balance these archetypes in their lives. We need both – we can’t just sit around and flow all day, or we wouldn’t actually have a business at all. And, women I see in my practice want to lead their lives and businesses with a healthy masculine, replacing the old, outdated patriarchal hustle.

This is a great idea, but it is hard to do.

I’ve been hearing a lot of women, myself included, redefining “productivity” lately. I like this solution. There’s both healthy and unhealthy aspects to productivity.

I like feeling productive. I like crossing things off the to-do list. I know about my business that if I leave energetics messy – such as not sending invoices or typing clients notes, hence making myself overwhelmed – that the business doesn’t run and money doesn’t come in. So it’s not possible to abandon “doing” altogether, nor do I think any of us really want to. Even if we’re reclaiming the feminine archetype and the inherent right we have to slow down and rest when it’s called for, we don’t want to abandon action.

It’s the quality of the action, the “doing,” that I want to encourage us to look at. This is what I’ve been contemplating lately.

In 2022, a group of us started Structure & Flow, and this energy optimization system asks you to pick words that anchor you to your desire. These words symbolize what you’re focusing on and how you want to feel. These are the “why” for any action we take, so that we are taking aligned action.

My words are devotional, co-creative, receptive.

Essentially, what I want to do daily is to maintain a devotional practice. Inside of that devotional practice, I get insights, excitement, clarity, and motivation. (That’s the feminine, by the way – taking the time to pause and listen.) Devotion often also involves movement for me in an embodied feminine practice. Going to the yoga mat, improvisational dance, candles and sensuality, taking a hike, or being on my meditation cushion. I intend for devotion to be a feminine practice. This is where I am being the muse, opening to hearing the divine, the sacred, the intuition, the soul.

If I create that devotional space, the sacred will meet me there.

And then, from there, I will have insight.

And then I can “do” something with it, which is what I call “co-creation.” If I take action because I get an idea into my little head and then work to make it happen, I am in productivity for productivity’s sake. If I listen to the wisdom that comes from devotional practice, my action becomes co-creation, a much higher quality action.

As an entrepreneur, I have to take action. I actually love action and structure – both inherently masculine qualities. But through trial and error, I know that if I’m in the energy of productivity without devotion, I’m not actually making money. I’ll say that again. If I am in an energetic of “I just have to get this done” productivity, I don’t make money, no matter how much effort I put behind it.

And I know why that is. When the masculine takes action without consulting the feminine, as it did throughout patriarchy, the result is depletion – of the feminine, of resources, of options. Working without the feminine, or overriding the feminine, breeds more separation, and my business is just not allowed to generate income via productivity and hustle without the mutual energetics of healthy feminine/masculine integration. When the two are working in tandem, healthy energetics regenerate, including money.

If I co-create through devotional practices, I do receive flow in my business, such as new clients and money. Things happen. I don’t have to worry. For example, people book consults out of the blue just when I have space. If I listen to the divine guidance, my life is moving forward in regenerative energetics (something I talked a lot about in 2021 on the Sacred Remembering Podcast and will talk about more again as I teach about prosperity in the Heartland.)

So receptivity is the result of first devotion, then co-creation.

No more acquiring resources through hustle. No more producing just to get paid. No more exchanging energy for perceived value. No more working tirelessly (producing) in order to secure less than what brings me joy. No more “doing” without satisfaction.

The feminine is innately receptive. But “she” needs some sort of partnership with the masculine and this exchange needs to be healthy in order for her to begin to receive in new ways – i.e. without exhausting herself with productivity. We haven’t had healthy exchanges between feminine and masculine as our cultural norms, and so, we are establishing them now in our modern world.

Journal on it:

Where are you in the energetic of hustle or productivity without divine guidance?
What does feminine devotion look like to you?
How are you leading your life according to what you know is best for you instead of responding to what you have to do?
What is your relationship with your inner masculine? Does “he” push you to hustle, or does it respect your flow also? Is it strong and devoted also, or does it lie around lazily or struggle to set structure and follow through? How does your inner masculine support you?

To expand, first stabilize.

As I type this, I just removed a social media post that I originally thought was casual but really offended some people, which was not my intention and I found to be stressful. I was sorry that I’d caused others stress. I have a to-do list that I’d hoped to get through today but won’t. I’m tired and have a few hours of meetings left today.

So instead of cramming all that out, before the next meeting, I brought my laptop to bed with some quiet music playing in the background, which pleases my nervous system very much, and decided to write on this topic that continues to arise for me lately, like a little whisper that comes into my ear at moments when I feel things spinning just slightly out of equilibrium.

“Stabilize.”

Stabilize the breath. Stabilize the moment.

I’ve honestly been expanding quite a bit lately. I realize looking back that 2021 was a year where I chose more quiet, more family, fewer big choices. I had focus words during last year that included “resourced” and “sustainable,” because I’d really been looking so very closely at this thing of the depletion of feminine energy in my life that continued to sneak up on me just when I thought I’d figured it out.

And as I said in a client call this morning, while talking about these anchoring words that hold our intentions for how we want to feel, what we intend to create, I feel I did experience “resourced” and “sustainable” energy last year in a beautiful way. And then, at the very end of the year, a friend gently called me out and told me it was time to expand.

I had been worried about being out of integrity, charging too much for a program offering, trying to figure out how to offer lower pricing and still get paid what I needed to get paid, and he told me that I was playing small and afraid to charge what the offering was actually worth. I respect his reflection, and so I looked at it and began to listen to the audiobook suggestions he gave me, and long analysis short – he was right. I had become “resourced” and “sustained” but I now needed to expand, and expand what I am wiling to receive. (Read – the *goodness* I am willing to receive!)

I like my family. I like my little life of structure & flow in daily entrepreneurship, I like my clients very much, I like walking my puppy and being a mother to my son. I like it. And 2021 was about recalibration. But now it is time to expand, and I’m ready. Expand the things I am willing to say (even if not everyone gets it or I do challenge some opinions), the number of people I reach, the impact I can have with my time on the planet. It’s time to expand what ceilings I assumed are over my head, expand my monthly minimum of what I’m willing to accept in my income (I learned this from the audiobook – it’s called an “energetic minimum” and this concept is awesome for me at this time), and expand my capacity to love more and more deeply.

And it’s time for me to receive more, as a result of the expansion.

This is inevitable, IF, and only if, I also “stabilize.”

Many times, when coaching a client, I’ve talked about this rubber band effect in personal growth. We’re growing, and that’s like stretching a rubber band, but if you don’t stabilize, that rubber band will snap back into place.

If we want a new normal, a new normal that is a growth edge for us, we have to stabilize when we stretch.

Many times, I’ve gone after growth, but it wasn’t regulated into my nervous system by the time I quickly did the next thing, or got the next negative reaction, or experienced failure, and then *snap* – back to the start.

The expansion can only actually happen if stabilized, and stabilized into the nervous system as well. To take more action on top of anxiousness or worry is absolutely destabilizing. We are working against ourselves in this sense.

So, in this moment, I am stabilizing instead of thinking I just need to zoom to the next thing on the list. I’m writing, something that is to me like creating art, and I’m doing that to stabilize the moment. I’m not completely inactive, and sometimes I might just actually meditate or take a nap. What stabilizes us will not always be the same, from moment to moment or person to person.

I regularly do an exercise called “The Class,” and in it you move your body quickly, activating a cardio response. And then, at the end of the song and the movement, they say “Hand on body, hand on chest,” and say to breathe and notice. This is stabilization in action.

That is exactly one energetic example of what I’ve been working with regarding expansion – actually moving my body in a way that I break an energetic norm and cross a threshold into the new. Maybe I lift more weight for longer than I did the day before, or hold the breath in kundalini yoga for longer, or jump harder while doing The Class. And then I witness – “Ah, I can expand, and then I can stabilize.”

When I’m working and creating, and I have bigger goals (which I do), I don’t get them done in anxiousness. I get them done in stability.

When I’m parenting or training a puppy, I don’t get it done by being quick, short, or demanding. I do it by stabilizing the energy in our surroundings.

When I’m working with clients, I’m stabilizing the space. That’s my job.

Before, when I was writing, it was like they were all flying around at once and it was hard to see one piece of writing through. I now organize my ideas by first purposefully stabilizing.

Stabilize the moving parts. Stabilize the breath and the nervous system. This is how you increase your capacity – not by rushing, forcing, or multitasking.

Energetically, we can become used to a certain capacity, like I did in 2021. Like we all do. And that capacity might even be working okay for us. But it might also be an excuse not to grow, and not to receive more of what we actually really want.

I’m ready to expand. I’m ready to receive more, and in a way that the stretch doesn’t have to snap back.

Are you?

If you’d like to “Breathe to Receive” with me, that is the name of my next offering, coming mid January. In every way, we will stabilize through the breath to increase your capacity to receive. Ensure that you are on my mailing list at SarahPoet . com and check your emails for sign up information.

Here’s to an expansive, and stable, 2022.

Stop shaming “wounded feminine.”

What is the wounded feminine that we would shame? It is a depleted feminine, but one that is in active identification with that depletion.

I’ve been thinking lately about how we shame the “wounded feminine.” Collectively, I sense that we do this, after we realize what the “wounded feminine” is, we shame the feminine for being wounded.

What a patriarchal thing to do.

But these expectations of the feminine live in each of us – that it be altogether nourishing, open, motherly, sacred, divine. That it be forever giving, endlessly available. You can check in with yourself about what your expectations of the feminine are – in yourself and in others. Also, your expectations of the Earth, as feminine, in her great resources. Do you expect it to be ever-available to you?

Which brings me to my point – we have wounded the feminine. Yes, patriarchy as it consumed the feminine as the fuel for it’s machine, but also, every one of us has participated in this.

We’ve simultaneously expected the feminine to be all things (the Mother), to be ever-resourced, to be available at any moment (the Whore), and then shamed the feminine for it’s depletion.

What is the wounded feminine that we would shame? It is a depleted feminine, but one that is in active identification with that depletion. The wounded feminine has not yet realized how to become re-resourced. (Re-sourced.)

The wounded feminine is often in victim consciousness, struggles to have enough money and resources, wants a rescue, becomes emotionally manipulative to get it’s needs met, and doesn’t see any way out of its own struggle. It doesn’t know who it is or how powerful it actually is.

And instead of collectively saying, “Of course! Wounded feminine, I’m here for you! Let me help because I see that of course this would be the natural effect of thousands of years of raping and pillaging!” we instead shame it for ever being weak. For not being more “sacred.” For needing the masculine rescue, when we entrained it to need a masculine rescue.

What is the medicine for the wounded feminine? Not a big strong masculine for it to further submit to. No. The medicine is love. Remembering its innate creative power. Remembering the holy cosmic union between masculine and feminine that was free of distortion in originality, before thousands of years of skewed understandings of disempowerment and power-over.

Stop shaming the wounded feminine – in you, in everyone – which only serves to further deplete Her. Love Her up. Now more than ever. She’s on the rise and she needs your tender strength.

Private coaching with Sarah Poet available here: https://www.sarahpoet.com/privatementorships

A letter to modern women

I IMAGINE YOU’VE BEEN FEELING LIKE YOU’RE LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE – THE ONE OTHERS CAN SEE AND THE ONE YOU KEEP QUIET FROM EVERYONE ELSE. YOU CRAVE MORE OF THE AUTHENTIC YOU, THE SPIRITUAL TRUTH, AND A LIFE OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING WHERE YOU GET TO BE MORE FREE, MORE ALIVE.

I IMAGINE YOU’VE BEEN FEELING LIKE YOU’RE LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE – THE ONE OTHERS CAN SEE AND THE ONE YOU KEEP QUIET FROM EVERYONE ELSE.

YOU CRAVE MORE OF THE AUTHENTIC YOU, THE SPIRITUAL TRUTH, AND A LIFE OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING WHERE YOU GET TO BE MORE FREE, MORE ALIVE.

Your heart aches to step more fully into the world you imagine is possible. You want to be fully you, everywhere.

You want to know what “fully you” even means. You question whether or not this is for you, this life of authenticity, deep soul knowing, and flow – but something in you whispers, “Keep going. Keep walking toward it.”

It feels like home – this You.

I know that this modern world makes it pretty damn hard to be yourself. You were sold a story about how to make something of yourself, how to succeed, and you’ve been following those rules, but you haven’t reached fulfillment.

You’re likely sad and agitated and pissed for feeling you’ve wasted time.

I assure you – you are right on time.

You know there is a lot to uncover. You know it doesn’t have to be such a struggle to be yourself, to honor your heart, to love and to be loved.

You want to speak your truth. You want to be courageous. You don’t want to be among the generations of women who couldn’t say or do or be who they wanted to be.

You are so right. On all accounts. You are not weird or crazy, and you are just the right amount of “different” – because the world needs your difference. Your courage. Your unique perspective. Your passion. Your ideas. Your leadership – just by being who you are most meant to be.

The solutions to what the world needs are inside of modern women. I know and believe this entirely. The answers are inside of women, and inside of you.

There is a lot to uncover. This path – back to your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, energetic sovereignty – is a path packed with mystery, celebrations, reclamations, and WTF moments. This path is one soulful uncovering after another. It’s never done. And it always, ultimately, gets better. I want to help ensure that.

Your greatest hope is that you discover the true depth of who you are.

My hope is that you find the truest, most sacred version of you.

So here is my wish for you, love. That you listen to the whisper – the one that is getting louder. That you trust your radical, creative nature even when no one else around you understands.

I am here for you on your journey, because my truth is that it is my joy, purpose, & mission to serve modern women, like you, waking up to the truth of who you are.

I dimmed my light. Oh yes I did. I fought with myself about who I really was. Some days I still do. I was a double-master’s degree school principal and I was good at it. It didn’t make “logical” sense for me to walk away from the resumé I had built or the house I had bought. It didn’t make “sense” for me to follow my soul in the way that I have chosen to.

I was an accredited leadership professional and yet I knew that if I didn’t also honor the whole of myself, I wasn’t actually succeeding. So I followed my own calling, making many mistakes along the way – and all of the mistakes occurred when I mistrusted myself. And all of the glory-moments came when I listened to my own truth, my own calling – sometimes a whisper and sometimes a shout.

But it is so worth it – this path of personal reclamation. Your energy is your own. Your relationship with what is holy is your own. (Yes, religious trauma is a thing, just like patriarchal trauma, emotional trauma, and money trauma are also real things. Your hunch is correct – it was not okay.) Your life is your own.

You get to be you. You wouldn’t be here otherwise. The world needs your gifts. The world needs your leadership.

I will never tell you that this path will be a cake walk. We are changing the world with our courageous “yes” to ourselves as women awakening to the truth. Many will not want this current boat to be rocked, which will create resistance for you. And so my intention is that in this space, you have resources. You have community. You have safety and support and reminders that you are a sacred badass and then some. We are stronger together.

WE ARE HERE TO GIVE OUR INTUITION VOICE. WE ARE HERE TO RECLAIM THE HEALTH OF EVERY CELL OF OUR BODIES. WE ARE HERE TO HONOR THE SACRED FEMININE RIGHT NEXT TO THE SACRED MASCULINE. WE ARE HERE TO BE AND DO AND LOVE IN THE BIGGEST WAYS THAT WOMEN EVER HAVE. WE ARE HERE TO LEAD – WITH HEART, WITH HOLISTIC PERSPECTIVE, WITH BALANCED KNOWING.

The time is now. Yes, listen to your “yes.” Know you. Don’t ever stop.

I look forward to meeting you, connecting with you, and honoring your path.

I am here for you!

All my love,

Sarah Poet

Staying Home to Come Home: Women in the Pandemic

I heard that from many women during quarantine – the realization that what modern life expected of them no longer felt sustainable.

What happened when you stayed home during quarantine? I’ll hear whatever story of change you want to tell, but what I really want to know is what happened on the inside of you?

As I write this, we got the “stay home” order in North Carolina almost exactly three months ago. And, now, even though the cases of Coronavirus are greater than they were three months ago, the “stay home” orders are now increasingly lifted for economic reasons. There is a push for things to go back to normal, and yet, I hope we don’t miss the available lessons.

How did this quarantine and all that it exposed change you? And is it still?

For a little context, I’m the mother of an 11 year old son who lives between two houses, and I’ve worked from home via the internet as a life coach, distance healer, and women’s & relationship coach for over two years. So the format of my work was not affected when this hit, and actually, I was prepared for it because I’d already been through the highs and lows of such deep transition and could now assist others. And, I was able to actually spend more time with my child, which exposed quite a bit.

While I won’t bore you with the small accounts of what happened during quarantine, I will say that all of the things that were not working in our busy day to day life immediately became apparent when we stayed home. Discrepancies in parenting between households and the way our child had grown emotionally avoidant in fifth grade came to the surface to be revealed. We looked at it, and within two weeks, we had a new schedule and a new family therapist. I’m so grateful for that, because it’s made a huge positive impact on our child, and we otherwise would have missed it, had life just kept on.

Then, in April, a baby goat was born on the farm we lived on, and I thought, “Good grief I’m so glad he’s not in school right now.” Because when we heard the mama goat yell out in labor, he was able to run and get to the pen in enough time to watch the baby goat land in the hay. He got to help name it Pixie.

In case I need to spell it out, this was incredibly special. We’d moved out of the city a few months prior, and now, the choice to have done so grew even sweeter. My boy was watching the birth and early rearing of a mammal, learning about the placenta and birth, watching the milk come in and holding Pixie in his arms at 10pm in front of the mama goat’s nose while the farmer worked to prevent mastitis from setting in. My son had a place in things that was different as a result of staying home.

So I became “that mom” when I emailed the school – the school where I was formerly the middle grades principal – and I said, “Now that we know North Carolina isn’t counting grades this year, and my son is building forts while learning about measurement & cooperation, planting gardens, and is deeply engaged in the life of a new baby goat, I’m going to advocate that we all relax with the piles of computer work.” On Earth Day, when there was homework to research something online, I intervened and simply submitted a picture of him and Pixie the goat instead of evidence of a closer relationship with the Earth.

Real life again mattered more than assignments or schedules. And I was witnessing that my child was touching childhood in a way that he would not have if not for this pause. And as I looked around at the women’s groups that I was hosting, each woman was touching life in a new way as well.

We were touching life. Eventually. Because each life went through an adjustment period in quarantine, as you know. Uncomfortable at first, and then, there was more life.

I was facilitating two women’s groups online – one a six-month Mastermind that had begun mid January 2020, and another a group called Choosing Nourishment that came together right at the beginning of quarantine when I noticed that women, even though they were already tired and juggling quite a bit in their lives, jobs, and households, and you may have thought that quarantine would provide reprieve, were actually quite frazzled in their nervous systems as a result of the changes.

“You want me to stay home, work from my computer, and homeschool my kids?”

“You want me to stay in the house with this husband of mine that is unwilling to actively help us figure out our finances?”

“You want me to stay in the house with the man who doesn’t care at all what my opinion is and makes me feel invisible?”

The panic was up. The nervous systems alert. This did not feel like a good idea to stay home. In fact, to some, I noticed that it felt really scary. Like modern life had been some sort of very busy distraction, and even though it wasn’t necessarily working or feeling good, nor particularly fun, it was the norm, and they’d learned how to manage it. This was the same reason I’d left working in schools to start my own business two years ago – modern life just wasn’t sustainable any more.

I heard that from many women during quarantine – the realization that what modern life expected of them no longer felt sustainable.

As time passed, and as we held the space in confidence and safe space in these women’s groups to talk about how to choose the nourishment, how to be in communion with this opportunity to push pause, I noticed that all of the women began to care less about whether or not things like the homeschooling got done, and cared more about feeling good, re-connecting with their families, and listening to their authentic inner voices.

Feeling good matters. Knowing oneself matters. Being able to sit and breathe in a body with a settled nervous system matters. And modern life makes these things “self-care” periphery practices instead of, well, the norm. But in quarantine, more women began to prioritize a rebalancing that they’d previously only dreamed of.

Priorities shifted. Preferences stated more clearly. Boundaries realized.

And then, about six weeks into quarantine, in the Mastermind that is all about the quest for the Sacred Truth within each woman, after months of clearing old stories and identities, a “Coming Home” theme emerged.

And I chuckled as I said, “Hmm, staying home to come home.”

And everywhere I looked to see what women were doing, in these groups and in the collective of women, I kept hearing women say:

“Maybe it doesn’t have to go back to the way it was.”

“That was never sustainable and we knew it all along.”

“I don’t even want to go back to work. I never want to feel like that again.”

“Maybe I won’t send my child back to school next year.” “Maybe it’s time to finally own my skills as a healer.”

“Maybe it’s time to start the business I really want to start.”

It was mandated that we all stay home. Yet, it was rather unsuspected how we discovered that so many women, would, also, come home to themselves. And I love witnessing it. It feels like only a beginning to what has been such a long time coming.

Women remembering who they are.

Women coming home to the truth of who they are.

Women, refusing to live unsustainable lives.

Women, planting gardens and knowing rest for the first time in years.

Women, making plans for what they might create next.

I truly hope that we don’t go back to life as usual, that this actually changed us in the way it had the potential to change us. Because through a wider lens, this is how the feminine rebalances with the masculine, a story I told of my own life in my TEDx from last year. So much happens when women come home to themselves.

Worlds open.

The feminine principle, the archetype – which involves rest and bodies and satisfaction and families first – was touched through this quarantine experience. I’d say it was awakened, in many women.

How did this change you? What are you willing to go back to and unwilling to go back to? What will you do differently?

I chose to integrate family and home life with my partner, moving in together during quarantine. I chose to begin to walk in nature daily, even though I’d lived in nature before and yet failed to prioritize it. I chose to begin organizing a potential home-school cooperative for the fall with the same children that my child was able to play and bond with during the spring.

I’m beginning to dream of new systems of education and women’s entrepreneurial collaboration that before seemed so far off, and now, it feels like the time to choose based on deeper preference and intuitive knowing.

I found myself choosing to relax and read fiction, to sleep in, to start a new yoga practice.

I chose to come further home, and I choose it still.

And I’ll ask you, women, did you come home? And I’ll encourage you. Come home to the truth of who you are. Don’t go back to an unsustainable status quo. If you allowed yourself to dream, what would you create?

If this article speaks to you, let’s work together.

How Is Trauma-Informed Couples Coaching Different Than Couples Therapy?

Trauma blocks a relationship from true connection. Trauma-informed couples coaching gets below the story to heal the pattern and allow for true intimacy.

While I can’t answer this question broadly or speak for everyone, I can speak to some ways that my couples coaching, which is trauma-informed, is different than couples therapy that I’ve experienced and as I’ve researched. Of course, those who wish to will find exceptions to what I’m saying. Those who wish to look for solutions will read this information as innovation and ask questions.

It is important to understand that talking about problems, as in conventional therapy, doesn’t necessarily heal problems. People go to therapy to heal problems, but talk alone won’t do that.

With every relationship problem, there is an underlying trauma. This traumatic event could be conscious or unconscious, it could have to do with the previous partner or parent and therefore not get talked about in couples therapy between two partners. And what we know about trauma is that it is very frequently trapped in the body memory but not in the cognitive memory. Therefore, couples can have and express behaviors that are rooted in traumatic memory, but couples therapy that only involves mental processes might not ever reach the true issue and will certainly be less likely to heal the actual trauma.

Often in troubled relationships, couples wait until there is a serious problem before engaging with a therapist. By this time, the couple has often erected a wall between their connection, and while talking through a problem or developing communication skills might help to increase understanding, will not fix a true pattern of disruption, because you need to heal the disruption in the brain in order to connect.

Patterns in the relationship that are dysfunctional result in breaches in connection. What every individual wants, unless they are sociopathic, is connection. Even neurodiverse individuals want connection, despite common social myths.

Connection can not be healed unless we heal the trauma in the brain. As Dr. Stephen Porges, author of the Polyvagal Theory says, “Trauma compromises our ability to engage with others by replacing patterns of connection with patterns of protection.”

In trauma-informed couples coaching, I guide couples to involve aspects of trauma healing modalities in how I coach their connection. Rather than attempting to pick apart with conversation what happened in the past and who may be at fault, we look at the present moment, using mindful attunement and noticing, and I teach couples to develop practices that heal breeches in connection.

The walls naturally begin to crumble. The blame unnecessary. Couples orient toward solution-finding.

Did you ever hear couples say that one or the other of them “won” therapy? It is common, I found in my research, that couples often feel that there is more blame and sidedness after therapy sessions than there is connection.

Many couples who go to therapy looking for true healing do not understand the role of relational trauma, epigenetic trauma (trauma passed through the DNA), and how trauma is actually creating their disconnection. Many couples would also prefer to work in a present moment / forward facing modality rather than a conversational modality that focuses on the past.

Couples Coaching removes the sigma that “something is wrong” with the relationship by inviting both partners into a growth-focused program, where both partners are learning the same skills, both partners are evolving in compassion and understanding, and both are getting their needs met.

Statistically, about 40% of couples who go to traditional therapy end up divorcing within four years. The results of my coaching are most often greater connection, greater empathy and understanding (despite we talk less about understanding the past), greater intimacy and bonding, and a rekindled enthusiasm for the direction of their union. As one recent couple said, “Honestly, before this, we were going down the road of divorce. Our communication didn’t exist and we fought daily. Now, we are mindful of one another. We have a whole new way to communicate and connect with one another.” This couple is planning to spend the rest of their lives together.

I will not tell you that Couples Coaching is better for you than therapy – that is for you to decide. I am saying that there is a conscious, progressive, effective alternative out there that is growth-based and available to you. I am seeing this methodology heal relationships, and I want that for you if you are in a relationship that needs a serious boost. In twelve weeks, you can change the trajectory of your relationship.

Visit www.sarahpoet.com/consciousrelating for more information.