Spoken & Unspoken Exchange Agreements: Who is getting your energy and why?

Some exchange agreements are laid out clearly, and many others are assumed. Are you clear about who gets your energy & why?

Some exchange agreements are laid out clearly, and many others are assumed.

At the end of a love relationship a few years ago, after I had moved in with this man thinking it was a long term agreement, and then six months later he gave my child and I the boot, we were in a counseling session.

I was speaking about the agreements that we’d had, and the counselor said to me one of the most illuminating things I’d ever heard. He said, “Sarah, were these agreements stated or written, or did you assume them?”

In fact, I had assumed them. Based on his character as I’d known it to be and his invitation to build a life together. But I had assumed that that had meant certain things about the exchange agreements.

Now, I’m not still heartbroken about that in the least, but I was reminded of this while walking and talking with a friend this morning about EXCHANGE AGREEMENTS specifically between men and women.

And I would apply this to the workplace as well.

When I took a job on a leadership team in a startup, I got a massive raise from my previous charter school job. And then I would receive texts when I was putting my child to bed, or after ten PM. When I decided that I would not be answering these texts because they were invasive, I caused some disruption. Nowhere was it written in my contract that I was obligated to answer leadership team texts at 10pm if I was not on call. The unspoken expectation was that I would answer because I’d gotten a good gig. Then it was as if they thought they owned my energy. 

They did not own my energy. No one owns my energy but me, even when there is an exchange agreement in place.

For hundreds of generations, the exchange dynamics between men and women were very skewed. A woman couldn’t own land or even have her own last name, and her food and housing security depended on her husband or her father, and she had to keep them happy. So she made certain decisions about her body, who she permitted access to her body, how she gave her energy, and how she specifically did not exert her energy or risk being “too much” in order to preserve her access to resources for her and her children.

Women still carry the TENDENCY to get wrapped up in unspoken, unwritten exchange agreements with men and employers, because we’re subconsciously still wired to expend our energy in order to not piss off the man or authority figure that has control over our resources. If an employer decides whether or not you get a paycheck, and that paycheck feeds your kids, then you will do things like turn down your opinion or answer the text after hours in order to ensure your security. 

This happens at every tier of employment, and women who have climbed ladders to achieve more are not immune to this. 

And I’ll go on record right now and say that I believe that this is the root cause of burnout. How we use our energy based on what we perceive the unspoken exchange agreements to be is making women more tired, more depleted, and wondering how in the world their quest for leadership did not land them with a life of actual fulfillment. 

Where is your energy going? Why? What is actually contracted, or agreed upon, and what isn’t? How is this happening both at work and with your spouse? 

When that personal relationship ended, I couldn’t understand why this man wouldn’t have been happy. Because I had tried to keep him happy. He was, after all, inviting my son and I into his house. I’m not too proud to admit it. Of course not. How could I recommend that we take an honest look at these dynamics if I’m not willing to own it myself? 

I did, eventually, piss off the employer with the edge that I was walking. I was getting too big for my britches, asking for equity in too many ways, and this was the last job I had before becoming a women’s coach and masculine feminine polarity consultant. 

My friend and I this morning talked about the insidious nature of the unspoken exchange agreements between men and women, between money and sex. Who gets access to your energy? Why? Are you trying to keep them happy? Are you happy in this behavior and in your agreements? 

Because I’m here to tell you, you are the only one that decides who gets access to your energy, when, and why. Every day, you get to define and redefine your agreements. You get to ask for that. You get to stop the habitual self sacrifice right now. 

Now wouldn’t that just be the end to burn out right there? 

If you’d like to discuss personal coaching about taking back your energy from unspoken agreements that are depleting your life, contact me by setting up a consultation at www.SarahPoet.com/book.

The days of the guru are over.

Sovereignty is the way of the future. We choose our next teacher or guide through felt-resonance and soul-guidance. Trust yourself.

“I don’t want to give my power away to a ‘teacher’ or ‘coach’ anymore.” 

“I don’t know if I need to take other people’s offerings anymore, because I have a lot of my own gifts.” 

We are in a time of massive transition. The time of giving away our power to ANYONE is OVER. 

These times are for SOVEREIGNTY. 

But I know that this can be confusing, and for me too. Because we want to be sovereign in our energy, not giving ourselves away anymore, and yet, we also want human connection. We want to learn and grow with one another. 

We are moving into a paradigm of deep connectedness where each person is sovereign. 

I don’t have this all figured out yet, but I’ll share a few of my ethics with you. 

  • When women step into a space I hold or offering such as Heartland, each woman is sovereign. 
  • I never “manipulate” or “heal” another’s energy. I (the ego “I”) don’t heal you, but the space I hold does. We open sacred, sovereign space in the Unified Field and set the intentions that the highest healing miracles take place, and from this space, each woman’s own Soul further connects with her body. While we do it together, each woman’s process is her own. I will not deny that it is extremely powerful, but I admit that humbly. 

  • Each of us does have something to offer, and I am offering you a deep transmission that I have lived. I see it as Heartland “came to me.” It was given to me, and it tells me when to share it. Therefore, it is a soul activation – for each of us in our own way. This is why I’ve been saying “You will feel it.” That is your own soul literally calling you. We need to learn to trust our own souls and I’m here to encourage that. 

  • I started working as a teacher at age 22. I thought that I had to have all the answers for kids that were just a few years younger than me. Through a career in education and a deep soul journey with this thing I steward called a business, Embodied Breath, I know that the old model that sees the student as inferior and the teacher as the only expert is a completely false narrative. (I have way more to say on that.) 

  • I do know that when we have lived through things and also studied them, that some of us do become teachers and space holders and that is okay and good. It is our responsibility to interact with each client or person that comes into that space in a completely sovereign way and with integrity. If you feel your power is being taken, then the teacher doesn’t understand this (or you are projecting onto that teacher.) 

  • In the new paradigm, we trust resonance. Some teachers will be our teachers for a few months, others a few years, others a few minutes. You must trust the resonance that you yourself feel and ask, “What’s here for me?” When you make a decision about what “should” be right for you when there is not resonance, you often actually take yourself off track. (Common example – hiring a “6 figure coach!!” and then realizing that wasn’t your soul that did that.) Wink. 

  • I personally step into other peoples’ healing space and containers when I feel that their particular medicine is what I need at that moment. I don’t know exactly what will happen in the space, but I move with the resonance. I also know that I trust me and my process, and Source, first. Therefore ONLY the highest and best will come out of the sessions, no matter what the other person does. I am activating my own soul by stepping into their spaces. 

  • Ethics re: value exchange – phew, there’s a lot to this one. What I can tell you is that I have soul searched around this topic and continue to do so so that my value exchanges are in the highest integrity that I have in any given moment. If I were independently wealthy and didn’t need income, would I offer my transmissions for free? Probably. But my soul didn’t choose that path. It chose one where I am this kind of soul searcher turned teacher and I do make my living in this way. So again, my aim is integrity. 

  • I don’t want to be your guru. I don’t want to have a guru. I want us all to have our SOVEREIGN GOD-SOURCE CONNECTION and my work serves THAT intention. In fact, Heartland is completely about returning to your own Source Connection and rebuilding your architectural light body so that you are more energetically sovereign and inherently prosperous. 

  • We need each other. WE NEED EACH OTHER. We don’t have to be so fiercely independent and have it all together such that we don’t need one anothers’ magic. We move together and weave and step up with our wisdom at times and at others times we receive others’ wisdom, and this is non-threatening and beautiful. 

So those are some thoughts. You are not losing yourself in Heartland, my dear one. You are gaining more of YOU. 

In love, 
​​​​​​​Sarah Poet 

HEARTLAND 2022 begins 4/28/22. Join today if it is in resonance with you.