Masculine - Sarah Poet

The “other” dominator.

What is that invisible force that takes and depletes feminine life force? When it comes through men, it can be a dominator masculine, or something else, a bit harder to detect but familiar nonetheless.

We are in a time of trying to figure out what healthy feminine and masculine energies look like, what dominator culture is and is not, and how to heal the rift between men and women.

Well, at least I hope we’re trying to heal. I do believe that we can absolutely rehabilitate and heal our human family and the spaces between men and women, and by writing things so plainly as I am here, my intention is to provide understanding in order to provide pathways for healing.

Many women, as we wake up to “patriarchy” having taken something from us, in turn have adverse reactions toward men and masculine.

Are men patriarchal?

Are men dominators?

Is masculinity synonymous with patriarchy?

Is masculinity and “domination” the same thing?

And so on.

I think it’s important to consciously pull apart our assumptions about all of the above.

“Man” is not “dominator”

In this post, I am not going to thoroughly go through what “man” and “masculine” are, as I do that elsewhere and it’s not the exact point of today’s post. The point of this post is to say that while we are aware of “dominator culture,” there is another force that I’m not seeing anyone really talk about, which is taking from the feminine just as much (if not more?) than domination.

I will say that there are most certainly “conscious” and “unconscious” aspects of “masculine” as an archetype, as well as “masculinity” as an expression of the masculine archetype. Today’s masculinity does not truly represent conscious expression of the masculine archetype, something that culture would be very well served to investigate.

When I refer to “masculine” I am referring to the archetypal masculine, not the existing cultural expression of masculinity.

When we think of “masculinity” as the cultural expression, that is where we start to get confused about whether masculinity is synonymous with “domination” or dominator culture.

Men and unconscious masculine archetypal expression have been used as pawns in a dominator culture, but this is not one and the same with the potential or archetypal expression of the conscious masculine, or conscious masculinity.

Domination is a power play, it directly takes energy, and is a negative force. Many men over time have acted out domination over women, but that does not make all men dominators. Many men are specifically trying very hard not to be dominators.

The “other” dominator.

Many men are even attempting to step away from cultural associations with “masculinity” because of the association with “domination.” For example, a man may decide to never show any rise in emotion or anger for fear that he may appear to someone as dominating. In this way, when a man cuts himself off from the full scope of his expression, he also is not embracing a fully conscious masculine archetype. Because in this example, a conscious masculine would seek appropriate outlets for big energy to move, such as swinging an ax in the woods and building something, working out really hard, or going to a men’s circle where full expression is safe. So we don’t want to cut off healthy expressions of masculine energy for fear of slipping into domination.

Thanks, men, for trying to avoid domination. But I’ve got to tell you, there is something nearly just as bad that is happening all the time.

This prolific element that I have noticed in our culture, especially in men trying hard not to be dominators, is when shadow-masculine becomes a “siphoning force” rather than a “dominating force.”

I see this in these same men who have denounced domination, yet still are lost as to what a healthy relationship with the feminine looks like, and they are looking to satiate their feminine longing, as well as prove their softness, as well as (unconsciously) seek feminine nurturance via a woman.

Siphoning forces are nearly as bad as dominator forces. They are prolific, they deplete women, and they are sometimes harder to name.

Hence, I’m naming it.

Siphoning forces play out in some of the following behaviors from men:

A man wants to have sex with a woman without fully committing to her.
Polyamory and other excuses for men to have sex with multiple women.
Men seeking to prove their self worth by being “good.” In this case he is trying so hard to not be a dominator that he is weakening his masculinity and looking for reassurance that he is good.
A man who deeply seeks the love of Mother and looks for it in partners. (See resources for the Mother Wound here.)
Men with unresolved wounds from ex spouses, mothers of their children, or their own mother who want to, again, prove they are good and have that proven from their current partners.
Men who are unable to structure a relationship with a woman and want to come in and out of her life, home, and body.
Men who are saying, “Look, I’m providing, now please give me what I want.”
Men who are performing for her love, attention, sex.

In each of these examples (or variations of them you can relate to), there is an invisible siphoning force. In every one of the examples, what the man is unconsciously trying to “get to” is deep feminine energy, or Mothering energy, or said differently, The Mother. As in, a deep unconscious longing for a relationship with the Eternal Mother or Divine Feminine.

The what?

Exactly. The very fact that we don’t really have a cultural place or words for this within “patriarchy” is a huge contributing factor to the problem. We don’t even know what we’re missing.

Women can’t explain why they’re tired after sex or why they just aren’t turned on by their nice-guy husband – it’s because relating to him is actually leaking life force.

Nearly every woman (and man) can tell you the experience of a man needing her to “mother him” and how off-putting that eventually becomes. The impact of a man seeking this energy via a woman is a net loss in her life force.

Why? Because he is taking something invisible. That’s why I’m using the word “siphoning.”

Moving beyond unintentional feminine siphoning.

So what does it look like when a consciously masculine MAN moves beyond this? When a man is NOT siphoning off her feminine life force and essence, what does that look like?

This is the good part.

When he enters her body, he is doing it in service to her.
He has a sense of his God-connection. When he enters her body or her life, he is in service to bringing that God-consciousness to her.
He is aware that when he shows up in this way, he amplifies the feminine. He actually receives MORE feminine essence, not via siphoning, but via enjoyment, getting to bask in her expression, getting to experience the fullness of the true feminine essence.
He is aware that it is via his Source/God connection and expression that the feminine is able to create more life. So he is in service to feminine creation.
He is aware that when he “seeds” a woman – with an idea, with his attention, with his sperm – that he is bringing forward a God-force into her. Therefore he does it with his heart’s intention, his consciousness, and his full responsibility.
He is in full service to the feminine. He is not a doormat. He is in right-relationship with the feminine aspect of God/Creation and he serves that. He knows that he is a human vessel in service to Creation via the feminine on earth. More than just trying to avoid being a dominator himself, he actually works to serve the rehabilitation of the feminine on the planet in a post-dominator society.
He is aware of all of these things whether or not he is actively in relationship, as a leader, as a member of society – all the time.

This is a deep inner journey for men and requires men to go beyond just denouncing patriarchal domination and other “nice guy” strategies. The “nice guy” can actually be quite dangerous to the feminine and to women in his docile nature that does not enable him to actually run the frequency of Masculine Consciousness through himself, therefore further depleting the feminine on the planet.

As a starter, men, imagine the force of the Sun coursing through you. Imagine that YOU ARE light, and that this light is consciousness itself. Then ask yourself what this Consciousness would be in service to. Why does the light or the sun shine, warm, and radiate light on the planet? In order to seed Life, of course.

That is what you are. Thank you for your continued dedication to your journey of embodied masculinity and rightful partnership with the conscious feminine on the planet.

Private coaching is available for men & couples as well as women. It is my honor to be of service as we all heal patterns of separation and live in more love!

The real gender issues at work won’t look like gender issues.

So if companies are willing to innovate, and willing to realize, like we do in #DEI, that everyone has a bias, then we can start to talk about masculine and feminine characteristics and behaviors – not genders, we pivot the gender conversation – and take the conversation and #awareness to a whole new level.

The real gender issues at work won’t look like gender issues.

There are gender issues, because these are the times we’re living in, but someone’s found a way to justify decisions, to quote the data, and prove that all of the boxes have been checked – in order to put a lot of energy into holding up a pronouncement that “There are no gender issues going on here!”

You will know that there are #gender issues at work when you look at the rate of true #satisfaction of the people, especially the #women and gender non-conforming people.

We are still in an age where a lot of adult white males are busy leading #hierarchies, checking boxes, and saying, “We do not have a problem here.” This is more than we’d like to think, and it’s happening for understandable reasons, like our culture pressured men to feel they could always have the answers, and handle any problem.

There are also a lot of men emerging that want to do it differently, namely younger men and men who have gone through psycho-spiritual awakenings.

If the true essence about the feeling at work is not a good one, for anyone, you have a gender issue.

And no amount of checking #HR boxes is going to “solve” this. No amount of #denial and hierarchical proclamation will white wash the situation. It’s very easy at this point for people to see through that. They probably try to speak to it, and when they’re ignored, or it is explained to them how they are wrong, they often quit, if they’re not gotten rid of first.

Handling this requires a new and different approach – one that is relational and innovative. It requires companies who actually want to lead progress to get real about the unspoken or undefined gender issues.

Going to layer deeper, gender issues are, at the root, a discrimination of #feminine energy. Because if a woman uses #masculine #energy at work, she’s actually rewarded and can get by quite alright. This is how women were historically able to win positions of power – by adopting masculine work traits. The other polarity that women experience in the workplace is to stay quiet and more docile to keep the job. Both of these are ways that women behave in a #patriarchal workforce, both of which women are growing tired of and is why you see them #quitting .

Culturally, we don’t have the words for it yet – but we want to be able to bring the archetypal feminine to work.

I was recently talking with a male client of mine who has a multi-million dollar business. He told me that he recognized that to hire women put his business at a competitive #advantage. Not only does he hire them, he knows that to genuinely listen to them, to let them share their wisdom, and come up with a new ideas, is the reason his business is outshining competitors.

He acknowledged that he sees the resistance in others to listening to women, and it is costing his competitors. Hiring innovative women, and him getting behind their ideas, has taken his business to a whole new level.

Because he understands a bit about masculine and feminine through our work together, he was able to see that the competitive advantage was feminine energy, which is inherently creational, intuitive, and relational.

This is what the traditional workplace has been missing. And it is the very thing that some companies are denying the need to look at, while other companies are pulling ahead because they’re not just putting women into positions of influence, but then they are allowing the entire body of wisdom – intuition and all – within that woman to influence decision making in the company.

Wow! Of COURSE this is where our world should be progressing right now. Why all the discomfort and resistance?? We have to let go of what is not working to advance to where the world is progressing.

It’s going that direction, and companies can innovate with feminine / masculine understanding and incorporation for #holistic development – or not, and be left behind.

My client was happy to watch his company be more successful, and his clients more happy because of the magic that these women brought. He is someone willing to innovate and get out of his own way. Are you?

For workplace consultations, leadership team development, and systems consulting, see www . SarahPoet . com / Reconciliation and book a call today.

Know someone who needs to see this? Thanks for sharing.

#genderequity #masculinefeminine #leadership #innovation #consulting #deiconsultant #hrinnovations #newparadigm #business #thoughtleadership

The Masculine As Consciousness & the Effects of Psychedelics

When I, as a woman, think of the masculine as consciousness, I soften in my front body. I trust that if the masculine is consciousness, there is an energetic penetration that allows for my feminine to open.

Do we agree that the feminine is vastness? Openness? It’s okay if we don’t agree, though I’ll continue from this premise.

When I have a relationship with the masculine as light (an expression of consciousness), I feel a trust that life is organized. It is an energetic response. My openness can organize in response to this light.

When I have a trust for masculine as consciousness and light, the natural expression of this is penetration, and there is no guarding, no protective response in me. There is only trust, softening, organization of my openness. I am attracted toward the penetration of this essence of masculine. Energetically, this is the only response of the feminine to true masculine essence.

Now, let’s look at men and psychedelics, because brothers, I’m concerned about things I see.

Psychedelics open your mind. They awaken you. Fabulous, if you choose it as a tool, so be it. Yet I am concerned about the perpetual openness of the consciousness that often results. An openness, a spiritual vastness that some would say is terrific. But is it? Of course open your mind to the inner workings of the All That Is, but if you exude the quality of openness rather perpetually, then where is your penetrative consciousness?

When I find myself in front of a very spiritual man who spends a lot of time on psychedelics, my feminine does not open toward it. Because it can’t. There is no natural inclination to open in this case.

You know what I find to be a lot hotter? Kundalini yoga. It creates a sharpness in the consciousness and in the aura that is… you guessed it…. Penetrative. Reliable. Trustworthy.

Am I saying openness and feminine are not trustworthy? No.

Am I shaming men for being feminine? No.

I am saying that I personally can not feel, in my woman body, an energetic response to your vastness, because I am vastness, and you are not giving me the consciousness needed to electrify my vastness. You have to electrify, to penetrate with embodied God Consciousness, to be poignant in order to invite the true feminine respond to your masculine energy.

There is a difference, energetically, between perpetually open men with endless ideas and men who apply insights to activated consciousness in order to enact more structure, more influence, more impact on this planet.

If you touch God Consciousness while on psychedelics, how do you apply that to the organization of your life? How do you apply this consciousness to new organized structures on the planet? How do you become so embodied, so reliable in these structures that the feminine trusts you more? These are the questions I’d pose.

How do you integrate the openness found in psychedelics into the wholeness of embodied masculinity? If this is what you choose. But you’ll find that women respond much better to you when your consciousness is sharp.

If you feel more open than a woman’s own feminine, then she can not respond to your energy and she can not trust you.

Tell me, men, how do you practice embodying your divinity?

Wait… are you saying to withhold sex?

What does every man want the most?

The answer is not sex, it’s not money, it’s not power.

I believe that what every man wants the reunification with the deepest essence of the feminine, and that this drives his entire life, most often subconsciously.

Men form their first relationship with the feminine through the relationship with the biological mother. And then, because mothers are imperfect, as humanity is imperfect, his formation of the idea of what “Mother” is is imprinted as imperfect.

This creates within him, I believe, the greatest potential anguish and quest in this life. The deep psyche of a man longs for a holy reunification with the Mother, and with the feminine. It drives him whether or not he ever realizes it.

The deep feminine is also the thing he fears the most, or that he may try to conquer and control.

This desire in men to reunite with the depths of the feminine may cause him to do unconscious things like stay in boyhood, stay in victimhood (making all women wrong, like his mother, and waiting for the woman who will prove he is worthy of the feminine’s love), or go from woman to woman, drinking of the feminine but not staying with any one woman. He may keep himself in a position of relying on women for money, being taken care of. He may only feel better when he has been given sex, when she “proves” to him that he is “worthy” of having access to her. He may feel entitled to access to her and take it. Or he may swoon her with spiritual language or wanting to experience her full “surrender” to him so that he can feel his masculinity through her.

All of the above (and more) are expressions of the man trying to work out his relationship to the feminine. He wants access to the feminine, and he wants to know that he is worthy of that access. The man who does not know better goes to women to get this access. When neither one of them realizes what is happening, she may feel as though he’s somehow invisibly sucking the life out of her, or that he never seems to give her what it is she most wants. Often, this is his full commitment or devotion.

Women who do not know better give men (who are really still uninitiated boys in this case) this access, but it doesn’t work out for either of them. Why? Because he has access to sex.

A man has to reunite with the feminine, the depths of the feminine, the Holy Feminine, the Divine Mother – by ANY and EVERY name – he has to reunite with her within himself and his soul journey. A.k.a. NOT through your vagina.

A woman can’t be this stand-in. (Just as a man can not be the stand-in for a woman to reunite with the Holy Father, by any name.)

So it could be that a man who is looking for the deep access to the feminine, to reunite with the Mother on all levels, looks for this by poking his penis ever-further into the woman (or many women), questing for this thirst to be quenched.

Remember, men want access to the feminine more than anything else.

So, women. There is a question of when to have sex, when to give it, when not to give it. Obviously, this is a nuanced thing and you always decide for yourself.

Have you had an issue with a man having access to your sex and then leaving when you thought he should be more honoring of what you just gave him?

Have you had an experience with an adult man thinking he was entitled to your body?

Have you had a man ask you to surrender to him or to prove to him that you trust him fully by allowing him to enter you?

Have you had a man use your money, not provide for you, but then also want sex with you?

Have you emotionally nurtured a man but it did not feel reciprocated?

All of these examples are a man who is looking for reassuring access to the Mother, through you.

I could stop there. That’s really enough information for you to understand the energetics. But I’ll say a bit more, for added empowerment and understanding.

Is it withholding to not have sex with a man when you sense that this energetic is in place? I’m not sure that that is even the right question.

Do you have every right to NOT have sex with someone if you feel he is sucking you dry, asking you to prove his masculinity, without making your life easier? Yes, you have every right.

And if you DO continue to have sex with a man in the above scenarios, will you continue to give him access to the feminine (albeit not the exact type he subconsciously most yearns for), thus NOT getting your deepest needs met? Yes. If you continue to give the sex, you will continue to experience the same thing.

More sex does NOT equal this man saying to himself, “I have to be a better man for this woman!” More sex for this man usually reinforces to him, “I’m doing just fine! Look! She just reinforced that I’m okay as I am.”

Because he has his access.

You have sex with a man when he is showing up in a way that is already what you want. You have sex with the man who is already embodied in himself, already reunified with the divine mother, has already had his soul journey to the underworld and back, has already committed to you.

You never have sex with a man who is not embodying the energy you truly desire, hoping that he will, after sex, begin embodying what you desire. (I mean, unless you want to.)

Because the moment you give this man access to the feminine, he stops questing for himself.

The moment you give him full access, he thinks he’s reached it, and he does not have to quest any more.

Are you understanding me?

It’s not withholding sex. It’s only responding to the energetic that you see in front of you. And if that energetic in front of you is truly what you desire to allow to penetrate your life, then you let him in. You welcome him in and it is your deepest pleasure to BE the feminine divine for him.

When you know that you are and can be the ever-loving depth of the feminine, then only a man worthy of that is allowed in. It’s only natural and by then, it’s not withholding. It’s just a standard.

But if you are hoping, and he is poking and hunting… you may be better off waiting for the time you do feel the full, embodied, devotional, covering presence of the man who is coming to give, rather than to drink. Because the man who is showing up to give will certainly know and respect that he is gaining access to the most precious space on earth (or in all the cosmos), and he will respect you as such. And you will be the cosmos which is filled by him, and the giving and receiving will be the joy between you.

So you tell me, does this sound like withholding? Or a sovereign standard of recalibration?

About the author:

Sarah Poet is a subject-matter expert on feminine and masculine energetics, archetypes, exchanges, healing trauma, and what it might require for us to raise the consciousness of feminine and masculine for conscious and evolutionary love. To learn more about her private coaching and courses for individuals and couples looking to evolve past patriarchal patterning, visit www.SarahPoet.com today.

If you want to heal your relationship, go beyond polarity.

Improving masculine and feminine polarity in a relationship is one piece of the puzzle. It’s important, but I personally don’t think that it alone will re-harmonize a Union between two people.

Lately, in my couples coaching practice, I’ve been thinking about how masculine / feminine polarity isn’t enough to truly heal a relationship.

And that is why I don’t just teach polarity!

I know many couples – maybe you – who want to re-polarize their relationship to healthy feminine & masculine dynamics. This is understandable, needed, and fantastic.

Our culture didn’t socialize us to be attuned to conscious feminine and masculine. Our culture had gender roles that were so skewed and far from conscious feminine and masculine that we now have to re-learn what these even mean to us, and then we are able to begin to interpret what they mean in relationships.

As men and women, we picked up certain characteristics of gender that simply weren’t conscious.

For example, a woman who may think that in order to have everything under control learns to climb a career ladder and earn all of her own money, which is a masculine energetic. Then, in relationship, she finds that she has a difficult time polarizing into the feminine energetic with her masculine partner. She may exhibit characteristics (personality habits) that try to control all the details of the relationship in order to keep her emotionally safe (or give her that illusion of safety.) She may have a difficult time letting a man take the lead, even if she so desperately wants to relinquish control.

And what about him?

He may yearn deeply for a woman to trust him, but if he’s honest with himself, he may actually have a hard time trusting himself. He may ask himself, “If she surrendered to me, would I know what to do? Will she stay?” He may very much want to play a traditionally masculine role of provision and protection, but he may have a difficult time actually standing in a powerful energetic in order to do this.

So is polarity enough?

I can teach her how to embody more of a feminine polarity in the energetic, and him a more masculine polarity in the relationship, so that they can feel and enjoy what healthier expressions of feminine and masculine feel like. This can be fun.

And, I do this for couples, within a larger framework. Couples come to me in part because they desire to experience polarity (even if they don’t know that this is what they subconsciously want), but if I only taught that, I’d be doing a disservice.

Why?

Because polarity play alone would be like a couple acting out parts in a play without authentic, embodied shift in how they live their lives. Polarity play can bolster confidence such that one thinks they’ve made a huge change, but then the subconscious material sneaks back in and sabotages a couple’s true connection again.

Because it is what is under her self-protective armoring and tendency to try to control that also needs to be worked with, and it is what is under his incessant need to please without actually feeling powerful that is what needs to be worked with.

And you know where these originated? In the primary relationships with mother and father. (A little less sexy than polarity play, I know.)

“Polarity play” is play, but truly healing masculine and feminine is sincere work that happens in the body/soma, mind, and heart, and in consideration of healing the Mother & Father Wounds.

We have to go to the root of where the societal gender roles messed with us and undo that, let your partner witness you honestly, and heal together.

Did you know that you can hold the space for this transformation to happen within your partner without emotionally laboring for them or shrinking into a smaller version of yourself??? You can.

I personally don’t go into a lot of stories in my couples coaching work, meaning I don’t go into the stories of the past traumas. Rather, I am adept at identifying patterns in behavior and energetics, that link to the root. It’s more efficient than talk therapy, though it can be done in conjunction with therapy.

The roots of the patterns can be worked with in the present moment through Conscious Relating techniques, and I am using that term to point to the set of embodied practices that I have developed for couples to practice together.

These are trauma-informed practices, which means that I have taken what I have learned and experienced through trauma therapies and combined that with partner touch, breath awareness, and mindfulness. If you’re interested in it, I can add energy healing to that space that creates a true breakthrough.

Combined with my coaching, we identify the place of trauma or resistance that is held in the space between a couple, and we work together to heal it through presence, breath, energetics, and a bit of magic. 😉

Re-polarizing masculine and feminine is one piece of the puzzle. It’s important, but I personally don’t think that it alone will re-harmonize a Union between two people.

For that, we need to look at healing on physical, emotional, mental, and energetic levels.

If you are interested in that level of “coaching,” you can learn more and book a consultation with me at https://www.sarahpoet.com/consciousrelating

If you JUST want to look at my Foundations of Conscious Relationships Course, visit and purchase here. https://www.sarahpoet.com/foundations-of-conscious-relationships

In 2023, there are FOUR ways to interact / combine the above.
1. Do the course on your own
2. Course + 4 private sessions with me (consultation required)
3. Course + 8 private sessions with me (consultation required)
4. 12-16 weeks of full-immersion private coaching with me (consultation required)

Obviously, the deeper you go into the private coaching work with me, the more positive effect we can have on your relationship.

I look forward to supporting you on this important path of becoming more conscious in love relationships,

Sarah Poet

How do men respond to female entrepreneurship? Here’s my TOP TEN.

It takes consciousness and the transmutation of shadow-masculinity in order to actually uplift the work of women, but he does it because he knows it serves us all when he does.

I was walking in the woods recently, early morning as per usual, and all of the content for this blog started to download through my intuition. I felt the genuine inspiration and got out my phone to voice record myself.

I listen to that voice of intuition and the muse of inspiration. This was a fun blog post to put together, somewhat cathartic in allowing myself to name things out loud that I’ve spent years experiencing and examining (and healing).

I don’t write it to bitch, shame, or blame men. I do write it to call awareness – to female entrepreneurs who need some context for what they may be experiencing and for men to hopefully self-examine their level of allyship for females trying to make a difference in this world.

Do all female entrepreneurs want to make a difference? No, I’m generalizing. But we are living at a time when more women than ever are starting businesses in order to make the world a better place, in order to help fix inequities, and in order to make their living in creative and beneficial ways.

My business is a coaching and consulting company in the area of masculine / feminine reconciliation. I serve as a coach to any gendered human, but I specialize in the energetic dynamics between men and women as we come out of patriarchy and look to relate in new and sovereign ways.

I started my business in 2017 with a brief period of overlap as I left my former career in education. Perhaps because I work in this arena, I both notice nuance in gender relations as well as have had to deal with quite a bit.

Please enjoy my top 10 ways men have responded to my female entrepreneurship. Names may or may not have been changed because I may or may not desire to protect the identities of the men I’m referencing.

TOP TEN RESPONSES TO FEMALE ENTREPRENEURSHIP (in no particular order):

1: “Give me your energy for free but don’t make me look at my own shit, especially not my unresolved shit about my mama.”

Eivind ran an international men’s group and invited me to write for his members. I agreed to write a short column per week, and I agreed to do it for free! I was just starting off, after all, and this man had an established group. I was a guest in his space! I just offered over my energy for free, hoping it would lead to new paid leads.

I posted content weekly, and I noticed a very clear trend. When I uplifted and exalted masculinity, men cheered my posts. When I added in a bit of a call to action (“Please look at this shadow behavior, gentlemen”) the men would oppose or even attack me in the comments.

I pointed this out to the leadership of the group, and this is when I really began to understand that there was so much work for men to do even beyond joining a men’s group – they had to reconcile with the feminine and women. The leadership couldn’t understand this because they hadn’t done it themselves (something I have seen repeatedly in men in men’s organizations). Eivind “stuck up” for the men who were offended, rather than supporting the woman who was writing content for him for free. So, I stopped.

Explanation: This behavior is based in a lack of actual honor for the feminine and wanting women to continue to stroke the man’s ego (or… you know… other places) in order to continue to self-inflate and validate his importance. It’s also based in an unresolved Mother Wound where his internal little boy still kind of hates / kind of craves the feminine as Mother.

2. The dominator / withholding:

When I stopped working with an old friend in order to start my own business, I left with an ask that he look at the “good old boy” nature inside of the organization we had built together. Branden did three things in response.

One, he turned white as a ghost and looked like he was going to have a heart attack for two weeks because he found me to be so scary. Two, he never spoke to me again and had HR work up a deal with me to get me out of the door as soon as possible. And three, he refused to ever give any referrals, even though my new coaching business was an extension of services for the population we served. Everyone would have benefitted from referrals to my new company, but he refused based on temperament. I left an industry months earlier than expected with zero referral contacts given the stand he took.

All cooperation was out the window and he did what he had to do to cover his reputation among colleagues.

Explanation: This behavior is based in domination of women through withholding of resources, making it harder on the woman to succeed. This is very common in men who see women’s liberation and voice as a threat, and it’s scary AF for women going through it (which is the dominator’s point).

3. “I think I love you!”

There were many men, mostly in the periphery that I did not know well or at all, who, upon finding my work, thought that because I was a woman who understood and empathized with what men are going through, that I must actually be meant for them. I received many messages in my social media inboxes with such proclamations. “You get it! I think we’re meant for one another!”

Explanation: This behavior is consumptive and this man subconsciously wants to eat up the feminine and have it all to himself! It’s based in projection and unhealed Mother Wound (notice a trend there).

4. “Fuck you then, I don’t love you.”

Because of my work, some men who I partnered with did not expect me to have flaws. While in a way, this is flattering that someone would think this is even possible, this is also completely unrealistic and sets everyone up for failure. Also, there is a deep rescuer pattern in this dynamic, which I of course played into for a host of reasons, including: the vulnerability of this path including resource vulnerability, my own desire to partner, and the genuine desire to be met.

Explanation: This behavior of the rescuer/hero in men always backfires because it’s based on projections all around, and this man will find that his hero facade doesn’t know what to do with a real woman, and so he’ll reject her when he feels his own vulnerability, commonly following the path of the dominator or taking the fastest escape route possible. To the woman, this feels like harsh abandonment and a reiteration of a lack of support.

5. “I see you, and I want to uplift you, but I don’t know how.”

Men in this category are very loving and they want to support you and what you’re doing, but they support you through their love only and not action. What action would look like as if a man were to tell his friends, or contacts in business, that you are someone he trusts and recommends. Men are more likely to hire a woman coach and gender equity consultant when another man tells him that it is safe to work with you.

Another iteration of this is, “I’ll pray for you.” I’m talking about the kind spiritual man who legitimately wants you to do well but is telling you that he’ll pray for you, not the religious man who is praying for your unresolved sins and entry to heaven – those are different. The man who isn’t judging you and who is offering to pray for you is being nice, however, you may or may not need his prayer. You may need him to take some nice juicy action instead, or ask you, “How can I support you?”

If you are a man who genuinely loves a female entrepreneur in your life, how can you take action (a masculine attribute) to help catapult her work and make it more visible? What kind of masculine oomph do you want to contribute?

Do not assume that the world is ready to uplift female entrepreneurs. Don’t leave her to go it alone. If you love her, lift her up. It’s actionable and helpful.

6. “I act like I support you, but I really just want to fuck you.”

Mike was informed spiritually, had done a lot of his own inner work regarding masculine archetypes, and seemed to understand the feminine at least more than most. For years, I thought he actually understood my mission and supported it.

He asked me to model for a photo shoot on feminine archetypes, and I did it because I trusted his intentions at the time.

Later, while I was in the process of a breakup, he took me out to dinner and told me how he had always had feelings for me (a married man). If I had not averted the conversation, I do not know what he would have been willing to do that night.

He was also very wealthy, and years into our friendship, I asked him for his sincere help and uplifting my work, work that he continually told me the world needs, at a time when I did not have money for rent given the ups and downs of running your own business (especially as a female entrepreneur.)

Money can definitely bring out all of our most subconscious shit, and he seemed to revert into an uncomfortable ex-husband/father identity who had been taken advantage of before, being very stingy and claiming not to have resources to help.

All the talk of supporting my work was talk, and maybe even something he got off on. He wanted me to pose in front of his camera, which I did for his art exhibit, and yet when I needed actual resources to keep my life going, all support folded. This dynamic is a net-deficit to the feminine/woman and is self-serving to the man.

Men, it is a beautiful thing to actually put your financial resources into supporting a woman and female creator, single mother in your life, or, hell, just to make a woman’s life easier. It’s an aspect of healthy masculinity to be provisional. It’s not a man’s sole purpose, but if you are well-resourced, sharing is an attribute.

Men, if you A) reject money, or B) just want to fuck or self-aggrandize, PLEASE do not ask a female entrepreneur (or any woman) for her sex, time, or energy.

7. “That’s cute.”

There’s not much more that needs to be said about this one. I had men who saw me as a respected professional in my career in education and knew that I was formulating innovative, trauma-informed coaching solutions, and never took it seriously. “That’s cute. Good luck!”

This is, by the way, a primary energetic in the way the world responds to female entrepreneurship, regardless of gender. Many female friends will also click “like” a social media post but never directly refer to my work. There is a lack of awareness that we’re not here to entertain, we’re here to change the world and make an actual living while doing it.

(So please go refer your friends to ten female entrepreneurs as soon as you’re done reading this post. Thank you.)

8. “This is really great, but for some reason I won’t tell anybody about it”

It takes courage for a man to step into a healing space with a woman, especially when the healing space is about feminine /masculine and his vulnerability. I have received incredible testimonials from men who experienced life changing sessions, but to my knowledge (because I never got another client from their referrals), they kept it to themselves. So they experienced something incredible, but there was not an awareness or impetus to share their experience in order to uplift other men having a similar experience, potentially because of shame and stigma related to receiving this kind of help either individually or in their partnership.

If you have a vulnerable experience as a man, and it improves your life, do you think that other men would benefit from hearing about it? Tell them!

9. “See, here’s what you do…”

I love masculine business advice – when I ask for it. Some of the best coaches I’ve had were men, and I’ve also been known to ask male friends to “coach my inner masculine.” I came from the career field of education, where I wasn’t adept at business because I didn’t have to be. Business requires both feminine and masculine.

But the thing is, most women are heavily indoctrinated with how to “behave like men” in the business world and we don’t need unsolicited advice thrown at us about how to do business in the way that men have been accustomed to doing business.

Also, I’m intending to do business very differently – in actual feminine and masculine harmony – which is something very new to the world. In this way, we need to collaborate and learn from one another. I want to learn from you, and please be willing to learn from me, too.

10. “This is great, how can I support you?”

And then finally, we have the men who either have experienced the work or respect the woman trying to do the big thing of changing the world, and they decide on their own fruition to spread the word directly with their contacts!

They introduce you to their affiliates.

They repost your social media posts.

They refer you directly by word of mouth.

They offer to coach you when you give a TEDx.

They ask, “How can I support you?”

They let you know that you can always call on them.

They put actual cash behind your mission, no questions asked, or pay your rent if it comes to it.

They write testimonials voluntarily.

They invite you into their men’s groups to share your feminine perspective and expertise.

They put you in front of their organizations and let you teach.

There are these good men, and we need more support like this.

This man has done a lot of his own work to clear the other shadow-masculine behaviors.

He has an embodied understanding of himself, realizes we are all still growing, is comfortable with his own leadership and vulnerability both, and does not see you as competition. He has no need to be angry at women. He does not wrap his identity up in how he helps you or how you make him feel, rather, he knows that it is an aspect of conscious masculinity to uplift the work of women, and to make sure that the women in his community are feeling supported and provided for.

He uplifts the work of women because it is just the right thing for the masculine to do.

Conclusion:

I used to get frustrated that more men weren’t supporting my work, and then I realized that the fact that they weren’t is a function of the very dynamics my work seeks to address.

Said differently – it takes consciousness and the transmutation of shadow-masculinity in order to actually, purely, and beautifully uplift the work of women because he knows it serves us all when he does. All men won’t automatically understand how to support women’s work, and that is a part of the process that my efforts actually seek to serve.

One of ten men might “get it,” and I can actually be of service, in the heart of the feminine, to the growing consciousness of the nine. That is my work to do because it’s a part of my mission – it’s not every woman’s work to do to help men “get it.”

And so to women, it is my advice that we not focus too much on what a man can not provide us while we do this thing of female entrepreneurship, even though that may be heartbreaking or a struggle and a half.

Keep going, ask for help from other women or men who you know do not have an alternate agenda to vampire-suck your energy, and give yourself a high-five for walking the delicate balance of being an independent way-shower and also not trying to hold up the whole damn world by yourself. We want and need support, and every-woman-for-herself is fucking exhausting. We want to call on and lean on our brothers, husbands, and lovers, and I believe in a world where we’re able to do this more and more as men heal their projections of the feminine. We also need to keep healing our anger and projections on men. We’ve got this. But shoo, I know it’s big, big work.

And men, to you I say:

Thank you for reading this!

Where do you see yourself in this “top 10?”

How have you responded to women owned businesses?

How do you directly or indirectly support women businesses, and how can you support women more directly, generously, and altruistically?

There is coaching available to men, women, organizations, and couples who are disentangling the energetics of gender and patriarchy via www.sarahpoet.com. Reach out and let’s do the good work of clearing our shit to better show up for one another.

Who can you recommend this article or my coaching work to today?? Thank you!

Now, go recommend nine more women to your network. Thank you.

Woman, What is your Masculine Template?

For years, I’ve been talking about the necessity as women for us to heal our relationship to the masculine. We have an old imprint of what “masculinity” means based on cultural standards, and we have to wash that clean and open our minds to what else is possible. I’m not so much interested in defining masculinity as I am inviting us into relationship with the masculine archetype.

I’ve been upgrading my masculine template lately.

While I’ve been healing my relationship to the masculine for many years, this new language of the “masculine template” recently came into my consciousness. It’s been a really helpful conceptualization and I hope that sharing it is helpful for you as well.

“Masculinity” I see as a narrative full of cultural assumptions and that’s not really my interest. Knowing the masculine archetype in both women and men and being in right relationship to it is what I am interested in.

I want to talk about the “template” that we have of the masculine, and I mean the masculine archetype. This template informs literally everything we do as women, and we don’t even realize it. Women are literally always forming their behavior based on the “template” of the masculine they hold in their consciousness.

Just this week, in a coaching call with a woman, she was able to see that her deep resistance to the concept of structure was because she subconsciously associated structure with the masculine and oppression. So – it’s happening in your subconscious literally every day, all day, that you are behaving in relation or reaction to your “masculine template” in your consciousness. I promise you.

I’ll explain further and take us deeper into this juicy, worthy, and potentially slightly uncomfortable contemplation.

As women, we have an “orientation” to masculine. We have a set of associations with men/patriarchy that are rather subconscious. We assume certain things of men and come to expect certain behaviors from men – not all of which are positive. This orientation to the masculine also includes all of the memories and imprints of wrongdoing that men have done. And, to take this to the depth that it really needs to go – we have imprints of the wrongdoings that patriarchy and religion have done, which are both associated with domination and oppression of women and the feminine.

Let’s look at some more real life examples of how the masculine template we carry influences our lives.

A woman was raised by a single mother with an abuse history who worked her butt off to secure minimal resources and basic needs. This woman formed beliefs from her childhood such as, “Men don’t show up, I’ll always be on my own, I have to work really hard but it won’t pay off.” She still carries these in her adult life and it forms and shapes the way she interacts with work, men, money, and even the extent to which she values herself.

How can you relate to that?

Another example: A woman is super talented in her work but it goes unrecognized by her male colleagues. She forms beliefs like, “Men are just in it for themselves, I have to work twice as hard to be recognized, my ideas as a woman are undervalued.” She spends her entire workday energetically responding to these perceptions. It shapes her.

Can you relate?

Last example: A woman grows up as a girl inside traditional religion and hears messages about subservience and being seen not heard. She grows up to be a good girl, silently frustrated with kowtowing to men who don’t even live in alignment to the true virtuous messages of the religion, but use it as a way to be dominant. She forms an orientation to the masculine that says, “I need to ask permission to be me. If I don’t behave I won’t be loved or provided for. I just have to keep giving myself to men and volunteer causes even though I’m not fulfilled.”

How did your relationship with this supposed “male god” influence your relationship with the masculine?

Each of these women has an orientation to the masculine.

Each of these women have so very naturally confused the behavior of men and religion for the true masculine. It’s happening everywhere, so commonly, that we don’t even question it. Entire feminist movements have been oriented toward fighting against what is conceptually in front of them – an orientation toward an oppressive masculine.

When we see the masculine as destructive, abuser, oppressor, dominator – we carry that as our masculine template. The template we then orient to. When we have the formative experiences of shadow masculine, including trauma and oppression, our psyches, our cellular structure, our bodies begin to orient to all men, all ideas of masculine, all masculine essences as oppressive. The template was formed, and then the template is what we carry out.

“Men are dangerous.”

“Men are takers.”

“I’ll have to do it all on my own.”

“I’ll have to give him sex if I want to secure my livlihood.”

It’s so common for women to carry a template of an old, wounded, shadow masculine, isn’t it? We’ve grown up in patriarchy, for thousands of years now, and so our orientation toward this immature, aggressive, dominator masculine is well formed. It is the template to which we orient our lives.

But it’s not serving us. In fact, it’s keeping women very trapped. It’s causing women to expend massive amounts of time and energy defending themselves, hustling extra hard, giving away life force energy, fighting against something, feeling as if something is being taken from them, etc.

Orienting toward an outdated template is a trap. And, it’s a choice.

Women can upgrade our template of the masculine. And we can do this whether or not we have the external evidence of it.

And we must.

When women with masculine-related trauma in this old and outdated template ask me how to heal their relationship to the masculine, the first thing I tell them is that this happens inside of their hearts.

Women habitually look outside of themselves for the examples of masculinity that they can have faith in – and when they think they’ve found that person, they put all their eggs in that basket. We enter relationships with men who we think, “This guy isn’t like the rest, he won’t hurt me.” We look for men who understand “sacred masculine” and do men’s work.

But this is not actually the way we heal our masculine template (because nine times out of ten, we’re just attracting more of the old template when we search for it in a man). We update the masculine template in our hearts, in our imaginations, in our own healing journey with the masculine and in our own contemplation.

We heal our masculine template by healing our traumas associated with the masculine, which of course can take some time and is big work. But, if you’re reading this, you’re up for that work.

Begin to ask yourself what the evolved masculine, the sacred masculine, even the masculine aspect of God looks like to you. What does your heart know and dream?
THIS is the creation of YOUR NEW masculine template! This is where YOU get to recreate the masculine that is possible and what you want to see. You get to feel it, imagine it, and then *form your behavior in relation to this new template.

Even before you have the external evidence that it exists, this is what you do.

For example, I know that the entire universe is comprised of both feminine and masculine and that there would never, ever be a Holy Father who would renounce the importance of the Holy Mother. I know that religious representation of God as a dominating force that positioned women as less-than is a total farce. Therefore, I don’t have to look for a church that understands this in order to validate my upgraded template. I can investigate what I believe and trust in my own heart. I can redefine my personal spiritual relationship with the Holy Father. In doing so, I get a new definition of that divine masculine essence, and I can orient toward that instead.

I can *choose* to orient toward the painful past template of masculine through the church or I can *choose* to orient toward a progressive and restored template of the divine masculine.

In this way, I re-imprint my own psyche and not only that, it changes the way I live. Maybe I don’t walk around as guarded or defensive anymore. Maybe I relax in how hard I push myself because I discover more trust in a benevolent provider masculine divine. (Real life example right there.)

Or, if you’ve not had good experiences in love relationships with men (maybe because you’ve been attracting from an outdated template), then you get to begin to rewrite your template of what is possible in love. You get to imagine it by developing your own relationship and reflection to the question, “What is masculine? What do I want in relation to masculine and men?” You get to dream it up, and then that dream becomes your template, and you not only orient to life from that new place and feel much better, but you also get to attract your next partner from this upgraded template.

Ask yourself what template of the masculine you are orienting to. Additional reflection questions could include:

How do I believe I will be treated by men?
How do I relate to the masculine archetype in my work?
How much do I trust I’ll be provided for vs how much do I work super hard to ensure that I meet all my own needs?
What do I believe is the definition of the divine masculine?
If I were to develop a relationship to the divine masculine, what would that look like?
In what ways do I trust or do I not trust the masculine in men or God?
What do I expect from men?

The template can always be upgraded, and in doing so, you are doing the entire world a service by re-imagining masculinity and orienting toward that upgraded template. You might not see it yet, but if you carry that template in your body, mind, psyche and orient your life and behavior toward it (instead of a victimized or wounded orientation), you will essentially birth it into being with your faith, curiosity, and the energetic template you carry.

Women, what is the masculine that you choose to relate to? Start living it. Today.