Tag: Workplace

The one thing making your workplace gender issues worse. And what you can do about it.

The imprints of trauma, no matter where or when it occurred in someone’s life, don’t shut themselves off when someone goes to work.

I want to spin a little bit of psychology with a little bit of a new perspective so that we can actually take a different approach to addressing workplace gender issues.

This type of approach is much more effective, cost effective, and compassionate than HR practices adopted to date which try to isolate gender issues to whether or not sexual discrimination laws were broken.

When something happens at work that involves a gender topic or concern, the standard practice has been to get all judicial about things. But when we do that, the WHOLE human isn’t cared for, and the root of the issues persist.

People continually walk away from gender-related issues at work feeling hurt, isolated, misunderstood, punished, and the truest issues unresolved. 

So here it is – 

The greatest unnamed issue in gender-related concerns in the workplace:

Trauma projections. Aka – what’s already under the surface, waiting to trip us up. 

Trauma imprints live in all of us, and they are often related to gender in a power-dominant culture. In a culture where some had power and others didn’t, that means that traumas were rampant. That’s just the truth. 

People have experienced traumas, traumas live inside the somatic / body system and deep in the subconscious brain of the person, and people go to work.

The imprints of trauma, no matter where or when it occurred in someone’s life, don’t shut themselves off when someone goes to work.

Trauma projections are also very unconscious. People often don’t have any idea that they are taking the old effects of trauma and putting it onto a new person or situation.

I’ll give you an example of how I did this in my education career, because I always believe in honesty. I have learned and share from my lived experience, and I have no shame in that. It’s part of my superpower of being able to go to the tough places with people to help to truly transform the root of the issues. 

I had had previous unsafe situations in my life with males in positions of authority, and so years ago when a male boss acted with authority in a dominating way, I projected that he was being dangerous. This feeling was very real to me, and may indeed have had merit in the situation. This traumatic response in me affected what I thought of him and then also how I behaved toward him and work. It amplified the “gender issue,” and even though there was a real and present-moment issue, there was also stuff from my past that amplified the trauma of the present moment. When I reported it, all of those reactions were a part of what I reported. 

So our experiences of the past, related to gender in an old-paradigm of power and domination, impact our present moment experiences. This is happening, it’s very understandable, and it is not cause to dismiss a current issue as irrelevant and it is also not fair or effective to involve the past in the present. 

How does a workplace even begin to consider making space for this when the point of a workplace is said to be things like effectiveness, efficiency, and profit?

  1. You of course provide benefits for mental health, as a minimum. Support people in the whole of who they are and see workplace effectiveness improve. However, don’t stop there. 
  2. Get innovative with your responses when issues arise. Develop your mechanisms for care and connection, which will help to diffuse a trauma response if there is one. You can also provide opportunities for coaching and mediation with employees involved in “disputes,” which can save in turnover and treat people with a deeper level of honor, letting them know that you value the whole of their experience and care about them. Be careful not to punish employees for what may actually be a trauma projection. Instead, become trauma-informed. 
  3. Check your workplace fear-meter of how nervous you are that a gender-related issue will be reported. Is your leadership on edge? Schedule a call to talk with me or another DEI representative today if so. Without a doubt, if leadership holds onto fear or avoids the issue, a major event is bound to happen. If the fear-meter is high, the response to the inevitable situation will be to seek to immediately suppress it, which is not your highest potential.  Innovation starts in leadership getting curious about themselves and how to increase a sense of safety throughout the organization. 
  4. Get real about your own gender-related traumas of the past. What stories and fears do you carry? How does that affect your behavior at work? Do you ignore, attempt to avoid, attempt to persuade, or have a tendency to fight? These are subtle, but the unconscious will rule your life until you bring it to light. 
  5. If you are an HR firm, consider consulting with me to bring a new lens to your scope of services. The way that we have addressed gender and sexual discrimination in HR has been very limited, in my opinion, and a more holistic approach and understanding will make your firm more competitive as the workplace continues to innovate. 

My services can certainly allow your employees to get the support that they need, so that they can go back to work, and so that they can feel more altogether supported – because you care.

www . SarahPoet . com / reconciliation 

Please refer my services to those in your network and I thank you for doing so. 

I love being of support where it matters most, and where few others can effectively go.

#embodiedbreath #genderequity #genderequality #mediation #dei #inclusion #hr #hrsolutions #innovation #gender #masculinefeminine

THREE ORGANIZATIONAL VALUES THAT HELP MITIGATE GENDER BIAS

Gender Equity does not have to be a scary topic. It does not have to be a finger-pointing topic. We all have bias and we all have something to gain when we get curious and vulnerable about one another’s experiences.

Post originally published in Equity Over Everything Magazine Oct 2021

Have you ever been in that awkward work situation at work where you thought, “This has more to do with gender than anyone here is willing to admit!?” You may be unsure how to bring up the issues you see, exactly what to say, or what will happen if you do speak up.

If so, you’re not alone.

We are in a post-#metoo era, with trans and non-binary identities on the rise, and issue of gender is only sure to get more interesting in the coming years. Organizations will need to innovate their value and skill sets in order to meet what is coming.

Whether or not women earn equal pay is no longer the extent of gender equity conversation. In my opinion, we need to talk about the complex pressures and stereotypes put on men just as much as we need to talk about women’s rights.

All people need safe spaces to voice concerns and have innovative conversations without the fear of losing their job for speaking out. HR is often the place where gender equity concerns get funneled, and often attempts to mitigate risk and avoid sexual harassment claims end badly.

I actually had this happen, personally. I took a legitimate concern to HR and it was handled very poorly.

As the only female member of a leadership team, women in the organization were coming to me to express their sense that there was gender bias against women. I had also experienced strange events such as when I was publicly shamed and made to apologize to a male employee. While the company handbook never would have condoned outright bias, women, myself included, were noticing some evidence of bias.

I decided to address the issues so that we could improve the organization. When I formally brought these concerns forward, there was never a direct conversation. I was funneled quickly to HR, offered a severance package, and asked not to speak to anyone.

It was scary for me, and years later, I see now that it was very scary for the organization as well. Well-intended people were afraid, and they chose to get me out the door instead of having an authentic and vulnerable conversation. As Brené Brown says in Dare To Lead, they didn’t know how to “rumble with vulnerability.”

Unfortunately, I don’t believe my situation is unique. I heard of another example just last week. I share here in order to highlight the need for a different way, beyond the standard, non-relational HR attempts at mitigating employee concern as liability. Such concerns are actually an invitation for an organization to evolve and meet the changing and diverse needs of these times.

I am passionate about innovative leadership. In a changing world, the most innovative leaders will not exhibit a need to have it all figured out. Rather, they will bring vulnerability, right action, and curiosity to their organizations, leading by example.

VULNERABILITY: In a post #metoo era, the need for vulnerability is greater than ever. If we maintain that everyone must already know all of the answers, there is simply no way to improve. We must be able to admit what we do not know, what we do not understand, where our mistrust gets triggered, and where we do not feel able to speak up. We must create cultures that model the ethic of healthy vulnerability from top levels of leadership.

RIGHT ACTION: The most innovative leaders will hear from the people in their organizations, and take action based on what is good for the whole. I am in no way advocating that workplaces decrease productivity by focusing on emotional processes. But leaders who are willing to get real with their employees will ask for real feedback to affect needed change through effective right action, improving employee relations and organizational health.

CURIOSITY: I worked at a charter school that championed character development, and one of the primary teachings was of “curiosity and courage.” These two go hand in hand. Let’s be willing to get curious about others’ experiences – men, women, & non-binary – so that we can lead with the courage to be compassionate and relatable.

Gender Equity does not have to be a scary topic. It does not have to be a finger-pointing topic. We all have bias and we all have something to gain when we get curious and vulnerable about one another’s experiences. I believe that we can safely learn about the experiences of others and to create safe and optimal workplace environments for all.

Sarah Poet, M.Ed is a thought leader in gender equity, feminine & masculine leadership, and authentic relationships. She offers mediation and leadership training services to organizations looking to innovate gender equity practices. You can learn more and contact her at www.sarahpoet.com/reconciliation.