We are in a time of trying to figure out what healthy feminine and masculine energies look like, what dominator culture is and is not, and how to heal the rift between men and women.
Well, at least I hope we’re trying to heal. I do believe that we can absolutely rehabilitate and heal our human family and the spaces between men and women, and by writing things so plainly as I am here, my intention is to provide understanding in order to provide pathways for healing.
Many women, as we wake up to “patriarchy” having taken something from us, in turn have adverse reactions toward men and masculine.
Are men patriarchal?
Are men dominators?
Is masculinity synonymous with patriarchy?
Is masculinity and “domination” the same thing?
And so on.
I think it’s important to consciously pull apart our assumptions about all of the above.
“Man” is not “dominator”
In this post, I am not going to thoroughly go through what “man” and “masculine” are, as I do that elsewhere and it’s not the exact point of today’s post. The point of this post is to say that while we are aware of “dominator culture,” there is another force that I’m not seeing anyone really talk about, which is taking from the feminine just as much (if not more?) than domination.
I will say that there are most certainly “conscious” and “unconscious” aspects of “masculine” as an archetype, as well as “masculinity” as an expression of the masculine archetype. Today’s masculinity does not truly represent conscious expression of the masculine archetype, something that culture would be very well served to investigate.
When I refer to “masculine” I am referring to the archetypal masculine, not the existing cultural expression of masculinity.
When we think of “masculinity” as the cultural expression, that is where we start to get confused about whether masculinity is synonymous with “domination” or dominator culture.
Men and unconscious masculine archetypal expression have been used as pawns in a dominator culture, but this is not one and the same with the potential or archetypal expression of the conscious masculine, or conscious masculinity.
Domination is a power play, it directly takes energy, and is a negative force. Many men over time have acted out domination over women, but that does not make all men dominators. Many men are specifically trying very hard not to be dominators.
The “other” dominator.
Many men are even attempting to step away from cultural associations with “masculinity” because of the association with “domination.” For example, a man may decide to never show any rise in emotion or anger for fear that he may appear to someone as dominating. In this way, when a man cuts himself off from the full scope of his expression, he also is not embracing a fully conscious masculine archetype. Because in this example, a conscious masculine would seek appropriate outlets for big energy to move, such as swinging an ax in the woods and building something, working out really hard, or going to a men’s circle where full expression is safe. So we don’t want to cut off healthy expressions of masculine energy for fear of slipping into domination.
Thanks, men, for trying to avoid domination. But I’ve got to tell you, there is something nearly just as bad that is happening all the time.
This prolific element that I have noticed in our culture, especially in men trying hard not to be dominators, is when shadow-masculine becomes a “siphoning force” rather than a “dominating force.”
I see this in these same men who have denounced domination, yet still are lost as to what a healthy relationship with the feminine looks like, and they are looking to satiate their feminine longing, as well as prove their softness, as well as (unconsciously) seek feminine nurturance via a woman.
Siphoning forces are nearly as bad as dominator forces. They are prolific, they deplete women, and they are sometimes harder to name.
Hence, I’m naming it.
Siphoning forces play out in some of the following behaviors from men:
- A man wants to have sex with a woman without fully committing to her.
- Polyamory and other excuses for men to have sex with multiple women.
- Men seeking to prove their self worth by being “good.” In this case he is trying so hard to not be a dominator that he is weakening his masculinity and looking for reassurance that he is good.
- A man who deeply seeks the love of Mother and looks for it in partners. (See resources for the Mother Wound here.)
- Men with unresolved wounds from ex spouses, mothers of their children, or their own mother who want to, again, prove they are good and have that proven from their current partners.
- Men who are unable to structure a relationship with a woman and want to come in and out of her life, home, and body.
- Men who are saying, “Look, I’m providing, now please give me what I want.”
- Men who are performing for her love, attention, sex.
In each of these examples (or variations of them you can relate to), there is an invisible siphoning force. In every one of the examples, what the man is unconsciously trying to “get to” is deep feminine energy, or Mothering energy, or said differently, The Mother. As in, a deep unconscious longing for a relationship with the Eternal Mother or Divine Feminine.
Exactly. The very fact that we don’t really have a cultural place or words for this within “patriarchy” is a huge contributing factor to the problem. We don’t even know what we’re missing.
Women can’t explain why they’re tired after sex or why they just aren’t turned on by their nice-guy husband – it’s because relating to him is actually leaking life force.
Nearly every woman (and man) can tell you the experience of a man needing her to “mother him” and how off-putting that eventually becomes. The impact of a man seeking this energy via a woman is a net loss in her life force.
Why? Because he is taking something invisible. That’s why I’m using the word “siphoning.”
Moving beyond unintentional feminine siphoning.
So what does it look like when a consciously masculine MAN moves beyond this? When a man is NOT siphoning off her feminine life force and essence, what does that look like?
This is the good part.
- When he enters her body, he is doing it in service to her.
- He has a sense of his God-connection. When he enters her body or her life, he is in service to bringing that God-consciousness to her.
- He is aware that when he shows up in this way, he amplifies the feminine. He actually receives MORE feminine essence, not via siphoning, but via enjoyment, getting to bask in her expression, getting to experience the fullness of the true feminine essence.
- He is aware that it is via his Source/God connection and expression that the feminine is able to create more life. So he is in service to feminine creation.
- He is aware that when he “seeds” a woman – with an idea, with his attention, with his sperm – that he is bringing forward a God-force into her. Therefore he does it with his heart’s intention, his consciousness, and his full responsibility.
- He is in full service to the feminine. He is not a doormat. He is in right-relationship with the feminine aspect of God/Creation and he serves that. He knows that he is a human vessel in service to Creation via the feminine on earth. More than just trying to avoid being a dominator himself, he actually works to serve the rehabilitation of the feminine on the planet in a post-dominator society.
- He is aware of all of these things whether or not he is actively in relationship, as a leader, as a member of society – all the time.
This is a deep inner journey for men and requires men to go beyond just denouncing patriarchal domination and other “nice guy” strategies. The “nice guy” can actually be quite dangerous to the feminine and to women in his docile nature that does not enable him to actually run the frequency of Masculine Consciousness through himself, therefore further depleting the feminine on the planet.
As a starter, men, imagine the force of the Sun coursing through you. Imagine that YOU ARE light, and that this light is consciousness itself. Then ask yourself what this Consciousness would be in service to. Why does the light or the sun shine, warm, and radiate light on the planet? In order to seed Life, of course.
That is what you are. Thank you for your continued dedication to your journey of embodied masculinity and rightful partnership with the conscious feminine on the planet.