What does every man want the most?
The answer is not sex, it’s not money, it’s not power.
I believe that what every man wants the reunification with the deepest essence of the feminine, and that this drives his entire life, most often subconsciously.
Men form their first relationship with the feminine through the relationship with the biological mother. And then, because mothers are imperfect, as humanity is imperfect, his formation of the idea of what “Mother” is is imprinted as imperfect.
This creates within him, I believe, the greatest potential anguish and quest in this life. The deep psyche of a man longs for a holy reunification with the Mother, and with the feminine. It drives him whether or not he ever realizes it.
The deep feminine is also the thing he fears the most, or that he may try to conquer and control.
This desire in men to reunite with the depths of the feminine may cause him to do unconscious things like stay in boyhood, stay in victimhood (making all women wrong, like his mother, and waiting for the woman who will prove he is worthy of the feminine’s love), or go from woman to woman, drinking of the feminine but not staying with any one woman. He may keep himself in a position of relying on women for money, being taken care of. He may only feel better when he has been given sex, when she “proves” to him that he is “worthy” of having access to her. He may feel entitled to access to her and take it. Or he may swoon her with spiritual language or wanting to experience her full “surrender” to him so that he can feel his masculinity through her.
All of the above (and more) are expressions of the man trying to work out his relationship to the feminine. He wants access to the feminine, and he wants to know that he is worthy of that access. The man who does not know better goes to women to get this access. When neither one of them realizes what is happening, she may feel as though he’s somehow invisibly sucking the life out of her, or that he never seems to give her what it is she most wants. Often, this is his full commitment or devotion.
Women who do not know better give men (who are really still uninitiated boys in this case) this access, but it doesn’t work out for either of them. Why? Because he has access to sex.
A man has to reunite with the feminine, the depths of the feminine, the Holy Feminine, the Divine Mother – by ANY and EVERY name – he has to reunite with her within himself and his soul journey. A.k.a. NOT through your vagina.
A woman can’t be this stand-in. (Just as a man can not be the stand-in for a woman to reunite with the Holy Father, by any name.)
So it could be that a man who is looking for the deep access to the feminine, to reunite with the Mother on all levels, looks for this by poking his penis ever-further into the woman (or many women), questing for this thirst to be quenched.
Remember, men want access to the feminine more than anything else.
So, women. There is a question of when to have sex, when to give it, when not to give it. Obviously, this is a nuanced thing and you always decide for yourself.
Have you had an issue with a man having access to your sex and then leaving when you thought he should be more honoring of what you just gave him?
Have you had an experience with an adult man thinking he was entitled to your body?
Have you had a man ask you to surrender to him or to prove to him that you trust him fully by allowing him to enter you?
Have you had a man use your money, not provide for you, but then also want sex with you?
Have you emotionally nurtured a man but it did not feel reciprocated?
All of these examples are a man who is looking for reassuring access to the Mother, through you.
I could stop there. That’s really enough information for you to understand the energetics. But I’ll say a bit more, for added empowerment and understanding.
Is it withholding to not have sex with a man when you sense that this energetic is in place? I’m not sure that that is even the right question.
Do you have every right to NOT have sex with someone if you feel he is sucking you dry, asking you to prove his masculinity, without making your life easier? Yes, you have every right.
And if you DO continue to have sex with a man in the above scenarios, will you continue to give him access to the feminine (albeit not the exact type he subconsciously most yearns for), thus NOT getting your deepest needs met? Yes. If you continue to give the sex, you will continue to experience the same thing.
More sex does NOT equal this man saying to himself, “I have to be a better man for this woman!” More sex for this man usually reinforces to him, “I’m doing just fine! Look! She just reinforced that I’m okay as I am.”
Because he has his access.
You have sex with a man when he is showing up in a way that is already what you want. You have sex with the man who is already embodied in himself, already reunified with the divine mother, has already had his soul journey to the underworld and back, has already committed to you.
You never have sex with a man who is not embodying the energy you truly desire, hoping that he will, after sex, begin embodying what you desire. (I mean, unless you want to.)
Because the moment you give this man access to the feminine, he stops questing for himself.
The moment you give him full access, he thinks he’s reached it, and he does not have to quest any more.
Are you understanding me?
It’s not withholding sex. It’s only responding to the energetic that you see in front of you. And if that energetic in front of you is truly what you desire to allow to penetrate your life, then you let him in. You welcome him in and it is your deepest pleasure to BE the feminine divine for him.
When you know that you are and can be the ever-loving depth of the feminine, then only a man worthy of that is allowed in. It’s only natural and by then, it’s not withholding. It’s just a standard.
But if you are hoping, and he is poking and hunting… you may be better off waiting for the time you do feel the full, embodied, devotional, covering presence of the man who is coming to give, rather than to drink. Because the man who is showing up to give will certainly know and respect that he is gaining access to the most precious space on earth (or in all the cosmos), and he will respect you as such. And you will be the cosmos which is filled by him, and the giving and receiving will be the joy between you.
So you tell me, does this sound like withholding? Or a sovereign standard of recalibration?
About the author:
Sarah Poet is a subject-matter expert on feminine and masculine energetics, archetypes, exchanges, healing trauma, and what it might require for us to raise the consciousness of feminine and masculine for conscious and evolutionary love. To learn more about her private coaching and courses for individuals and couples looking to evolve past patriarchal patterning, visit www.SarahPoet.com today.